


Sweet as Honey

by Batkatbrown



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Gang Violence, Healing, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Romance, Sensuality, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Sugar Daddy, Sugar daddy hanzo, Switch Jesse, Tender Sex, switch hanzo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2018-11-28 21:04:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 66,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11426157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batkatbrown/pseuds/Batkatbrown
Summary: “There is nothing to apologize for.” Hanzo didn’t move towards him. “Please, tell me what bothers your spirit.”Jesse put his face in his hand with a sigh. “I just…” His shoulders slumped. “I got this feeling I’m about t’wake up from the most wonderful dream and it’s gonna be blood and sweat and pain still.”Tears welled up and he blinked furiously to try to drive them away. He just needed a second to get himself under control. “And I know I’m being a wet blanket and ruinin’ the mood we had goin’ on and I can’t seem to stop myself and I just--”Flowers bloomed in a riot of color as he was dragged into a hug. A ragged gasp for air and he was suddenly crying into the crook of Hanzo’s shoulder. He broke as strong arms wrapped him up and held him like he was the most precious thing in the world.





	1. Birthday Cake

The grocery store was mostly empty, a dreary, rainy Tuesday evening keeping shoppers away. There was only one cashier, despite the rows of stations. It made a cold sweat break out on Jesse’s neck. 

Squeaks echoed behind him, cowboy boots worn out from years of use. A sole made a slapping sound as it tried to peel off the bottom.

Jesse scratched his stubble in front of the beer cooler, longing for a drink. His bad ached from working on a construction site. Hauling cement blocks and bags of gravel and being out in the brutal sun all day took it’s toll. He was tired and hungry.

His stomach growled as he passed little bistro area. He would practically kill for some fried chicken or apple pie. Instead, he headed to the bulk dry goods section to fill his small cart with rice and a bag of mixed dried beans. That would do for him.

Mabel needed more nutritional food. She was starting to grow at an alarming rate, shooting up from a tiny bean sprout to a bean poll. He hovered in front of meat aisle, digging around to find something marked down. A carton of eggs for ninety-nine cents joined his meager supplies.

The last stop brought him to the bakery. The workers had already left for the night and he looked in the case. There it was. The cake Mabel had been pleading to have for her birthday for weeks.

It was small with a few succulents made of icing. The dusky orange of the base icing matched the card he’d picked out for her. She deserved something nice. Just this once, something a more than just scraping by. Even for one day.

He counted the crumpled bills in his wallet and dug into his pockets to pull out a few coins. He would be okay. 

Fighting down a wave of anxiety, he pushed the cart to the front of the store. Taking note of handsome older man studying the all natural 100% organic luxury cardboard energy bar selection, he made sure to avoid him. He looked like the kind of guy that would turn his nose up at a dirty cowboy.

The damp cowboy hat drooped at the edges. Jesse felt much the same as he went to the self-checkout. He could put something back if the total started getting too high. The lights were off and none of the registers were open.

“Shit,” he shifted from foot to foot, stomach rolling. He didn’t want to face a cashier if he’d done his math wrong. At least no one else would see him get humiliated. It still took him a few minutes to get his courage up, looking at the card. It was for Mabel. He could do this.

As soon as he got to the register, his heart sank into his stomach. He knew this particular checker. An eye-roll greeted him.

There was only silence as McCree loaded his modest load. Taking extra care with the little cake and card, he set them at the very end of the conveyor belt. His fingers lingered on the bright card, a painful ache growing in his chest. He should be able to do better for his sister, even if it was just the two of them.

A pair of dark slacks and polished designer shoes entered the edge of his field of vision. He glanced up, shame blooming on his tanned skin. It was, of course, the handsome man from before. 

Jesse gulped, eyes widening as he got a close view of the older man. Amused slanted eyes caught his, endless pools of comforting brown luring him to get lost. A well-trimmed beard highlighted the curve of his mouth. Jesse couldn’t look away, mesmerized as heat burned up his neck and cheeks.

The cashier cleared his throat and Jesse jumped. His groceries were waiting to be bagged while the checker tapped the card swiper. 

“Uh…cash this time,” Jesse shuffled away, trying not to imagine eyes on his back. 

The checker rolled his eyes and tapped the small elevated counter. “Hurry up, you’re holding up the line for our real customers.”

Guilt snarled in his gut, lowering his head as his ears flamed. The bills came out first, counting them out loud. Humiliation settling heavier with every crumpled one. He was going to make it though, it was so close.

A look of disgust flashed over the checker’s face as he had to scoop it up and dump it in the drawer. They made eye contact and with deliberate moments, the cashier squirted a fat dollop of hand sanitizer into one palm.

Jesse grabbed his bags and darted out of the store as fast as he could. Fighting back angry tears, hands curled into fists, he looked through the rain. The bus stop wasn’t too far, he could make it. He stooped to tie the bag with the birthday card shut, not wanting to ruin it.

“Hey, you forgot your receipt,” a cruel voice called out, familiar with mockery.

He stood quickly, transferring the bags to take the piece of paper held out. When he reached for it, the cashier jerked it away and slapped the bags out of his grasp. A strangled cry broke the young man’s lips, watching the cake fall and bounce. The plastic container splitting open. The beautiful desert cake smeared across the damp pavement.

Before he could process the attack, the cashier was already back to the double doors headed inside.

Jesse sank to the curb, ruined container pulled into his lap. His tears mixing with the rain on Mabel’s ruined birthday cake. Forty-seven cents all he had left, not enough to buy his sister a moment of happiness.

 

-

 

Hanzo raised a brow as the rude cashier rushed ignored him to jog after the young man. Not in a particular hurry tonight, more out to stretch his legs than actually buy groceries. He had an assistant for such mundane tasks. 

The cashier came back quickly, smirking in a malicious way. It sent a flicker of dread through his guts. He knew these types of men, whether young or old, a bully was a bully.

“Did the young man forget something?” Hanzo murmured, his own pint of ice cream sweating on the conveyor belt. It would be fine to cheat for a night. It was scanned with a beep and he pulled out a black platinum card.

“Just his receipt, riff-raff like that need to go to the gas station instead of coming to our nice store,” the man rang him up and Hanzo swiped his card. Eyes taking in the “Chuck” nametag along with the store’s ID number.

A sick feeling twisted his guts. He took the bag, not responding to Chuck as he went out the door the young man had used. His opened his umbrella as he stepped outside. There was the cowboy, fit to break his heart.

The ruined cake held in his lap, growing into mush from the rain. A child’s birthday card was soaked in the man’s hand. He was crying, curled forward like he was trying to hold himself together.

Hanzo approached slowly, eyes prickling with a sudden urge to cry at the man’s plight. How cruel the world could be when you were young and poor. A receipt stuck in the icing on the sidewalk and Hanzo feared he knew what had happened.

Genji would have warned him that getting involved could be dangerous. He didn’t even know the man’s name or situation. Any other time he would have walked by with barely a second glance.

But the cowboy had been buying his baby sister a birthday card and cake with the last of his money. 

“Greetings,” Hanzo stepped to the man’s side and crouched. The umbrella sheltering them both from the storm. 

“shit!” the taller man lurched to the side, wiping at his red face. “Shit, sorry, blockin’ the way.” He scrambled to his feet, stuffing the ruined card into the bag with his dried goods. He stared at the ruin of cake, shoulders beginning to shake again.

“It was for your sister, was it not?” Hanzo held the umbrella above them, unable to keep a soft smile from his face. Remembering hardship in his own youth, trying to provide for Genji. 

The cowboy nodded, head down. “it’s her eleventh and… and shit, I ain’t got nothing for her,” he broke down again. Sobbing so hard he looked ready to crumble to the sidewalk.

Hanzo couldn’t bear to see it. He cautiously wrapped his arm around the taller man, half expecting to be shoved away. Instead, the cowboy turned to burrow into him. Hands fisted in the back of his jacket, dragging their chests together.

“It is alright,” Hanzo murmured. Gently pushing the wet hair from the man’s cheek. “What is your name?”

“J-Jesse.” The words were muffled, tickling Hanzo’s neck.

“I am Hanzo.” He spoke with care, running his hand up and down Jesse’s back. The cries beginning to slow down. “I too, have a younger sibling who means the world to me. Let me help you tonight.” He didn’t know what he was offering exactly, just wanting to see the other man smile.

“Shit,” Jesse’s voice cracked. “Shit, I wouldn’t ever take charity but…” They both glanced to the ruined cake. “I just want her to have one good birthday and I’m all she’s got.”

“Then we will give her a wonderful evening.” Hanzo glanced at the gray sky, rain falling steadily. “Come, we will take my car.”

Surprise flashed across Jesse’s face and he glanced at the grocery store. “Ain’t this place good?”

Hanzo chuckled, pleased that the younger man had not fully pulled away from him. “For your sister? Only the best.”

“Shit,” Jesse shook his head. “I dun know what I did to deserve your kindness but I’m not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Hanzo was not sure how to take the comment. Deciding it was probably just a young person saying and he had earned his grays. He would be looking it up on his phone later that night to see. For now, he just took Jesse’s free hand and dragged him out into the parking lot.

 

-

 

Jesse couldn’t believe what was happening, one of the worst nights of his life suddenly turning around. He was sitting in a luxury car with heated leather seats and plenty of leg room. The chill of the rain quickly disappearing as Hanzo took him up north. 

The scenery changed to high-end boutiques and all the fancy restaurants he wouldn’t be allowed to step foot in. It wasn’t nearly as interesting as the man in the driver’s seat. He had to be at least ten years older than Jesse but possibly more. The streaks of silver at his temples did nothing to lessen the appeal. Jesse tried not to stare but it was hard not to.

Even dampened by rain, the man radiated something raw and powerful. Tempered by the sweetness of his small smiles and quiet voice. Jesse resisted the urge to flirt, knowing it would probably make the older man uncomfortable. Or seem like he was trying to pay back the kindness with sex.

Hanzo looked like he would be gentle and not hurt him too much if it did come down to it. Jesse squirmed, jeans too tight on his ass. Reminding him he would probably have to take it. The few guys he’d gone out with liked to have him on hands and knees or head ground into a pillow.

He hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

They pulled into the parking spot in front of a bakery with a French sounding name. Too many vowels for the cowboy to even guess at how it was supposed to be pronounced. Hanzo strode confidently to the door, waving for Jesse to come.

He broke out of his moment of worry. Hopping onto the sidewalk and following into the store. A heavenly smell overwhelmed him, making his mouth water. It was a lightly decorated open space with a few tables scattered around.

Hanzo was already at the counter, chatting with a very tall, thin woman in French. He ambled over, trying to look like he belonged there. The woman gave him a very sharp once over and laughed, shaking her head. 

“H-Howdy,” Jesse tipped his hat, earning him another laugh. 

“Leave him alone, Amelie.” Hanzo chuckled, a velvety sound that made Jesse’s knees weak. “Jesse, come pick something out for your sister.”

Jesse hesitated, watching the French woman. Her expression melted instantly at the mention of his sibling, cooing as she leaned down to open the back of the case. “What would she like?”

He looked over the case, seeing something not too expensive that Mabel would probably enjoy. “Uh… that one, ma’am, if that’s okay, Hanzo?” He glanced over his shoulder and Hanzo shook his head. His heart sank, looking to the cheapest one. “Oh um, then… this one?” his voice sinking to barely a murmur.

“No,” Hanzo’s hand fell on Jesse’s shoulder, “She would surely enjoy the one with the cacti more, would she not?”

Jesse blinked back tears, turning to the case.“She’ll love it. She wanted a desert dessert, silly little filly.” 

“We will take it, Amelia.” 

The hand lingered on his shoulder, a spot of warmth he leaned into without meaning to. It just felt so nice, to have someone there. The rest of their conversation just white noise. He closed his eyes, feeling weak in his bones. Lightheaded even. He needed to eat something soon. How long had it been since he last ate? The night before he thought, maybe earlier.

“Jesse, are you alright?”

Hanzo’s voice eased him back to himself, blinking heavy eye lids open. “Sorry.” Jesse straightened, missing Hanzo's touch already. “I’m so… thankful Hanzo.”

“Do not thank me yet. We have another stop to make.”

“S-sure,” Jesse gulped, following Hanzo out of the bakery. If he was going to get bent over in some back alley, he might as well get it over it. The cake was worth it.

The car ride was quiet, winding over to a new area. Somewhere Jesse hadn’t been much but there was one thing he would always recognize. The sign glowing in the misty evening. “Toys-R-Us” scrawled across the building.

“What are we doin’ here, Mister?”

“Your sister needs a proper birthday present,” Hanzo’s smile could have melted the hardest heart. “Let us find something she will love.”

It felt surreal, pushing a cart through the store as Hanzo dumped toys into it. Anything Jesse even hinted that Mabel would like went into the pile. He watched in horror as the number went up on the cashier’s display. He’d never spent so much money on nonessentials in his life.

Hanzo paid with a smile, gathering the armfuls of bags. Jesse picked up the birthday card, following after him in a daze.

They drove towards Jesse’s apartment, the younger man staring at the Lego set peeking from a bag at his feet. “I… I can’t thank you enough,” Jesse swallowed, twisting in his seat to face Hanzo.Holding his breath for Hanzo’s inevitable demand for payment. He had a condom in his jacket’s inner pocket and a little foil packet of lube. “I can repay you, if you want,” Jesse slid his hand onto Hanzo’s thigh, fingers shaking.

“Do not think of it.” His hand was plucked off and deposited back in his lap. “I did not do this for sexual favors. I was reminded of myself at your age,” a soft smile countered any sting Jesse felt at the rejection. “Struggling to make it through every week, taking care of my brother at the cost of my own health.”

They pulled up in front of the apartment. Hanzo turned in his seat, broad shoulders strained against his jacket. “You are a good brother, Jesse. To see you smile warms my heart.”

Jesse put his head in his hands, overwhelmed. Shaking slightly, he couldn’t respond. it was all too much, too much kindness from a stranger. He managed to bow his head, hiding his red stained face. Tears dropping from his nose tip. 

He grabbed the bags of toys, cake and what remained of his groceries and rushed out of the car. The stairs swaying in front of him as he took them two at a time, racing up and out of sight.

He barely made it through the door before his knees gave out, struggling to breathe. Quietly crying and laughing, running his hands through his hair, he was a mess. 

“Jesse?” The soft voice made him look up, seeing his sister in the doorway. She had a permanent case of bed head. “are you okay? you’re late…”

“was out getting something special, just for you with the help of a very nice stranger.” He clambered to his feet, dancing across the room to scoop her up.

It was going to be a good birthday for the one person that mattered to him.

 

—

 

Hanzo sat in his car, watching the cowboy disappear. He took note of the number on the door before heading to the other side of the city. The man’s earnest, desperate face imprinted on his mind. A good boy doing his best, he was someone that deserved a helping hand.

The heat from Jesse’s touch still burned on his thigh. The expression in those big brown eyes had cooled any fire he had felt. When the cowboy came into his bed, it would be willingly and eagerly. 

If they were only destined to be ships in the night, he would do what he could to help regardless. It was easy in the following days to send his assistant out to pick up groceries and deliver them to the apartment’s front office. Jesse would be notified.

Thoughts of the handsome young man filtered into his thoughts through the week. That big open smile and the cute shyness that came over the taller man was beyond enchanting. Hanzo could not deny his desire to see Jesse again, under better circumstances. To provide for the young man, pamper him and sooth the weariness from his eyes. Ease the burdens and care for the sweetheart. He had more than enough money to do so. He even had plenty of space in his penthouse. it was a ridiculous notion. 

Of course, his thoughts wandered to one of his friends, a man who had been a ‘sugar daddy’ to a young med student. The woman was now his wife of almost ten years and they were expecting their second child.

With a heavy sigh, Hanzo sprawled out on satin sheets. He had never considered himself to be the type of man who would allow himself to be taken advantage of by a young handsome man. Now he was dying to see the cowboy, to learn about his circumstances and the story of how he came to be in this city. He wanted to hear Jesse’s laugh, sure it would be divine.

He could kiss away the trembling from Jesse’s fingers at the thought of sex, teach him all the slow simple joys of intimacy. Show him dizzying heights of pleasure and the rush of bringing your partner screaming to release.

Hanzo groaned, half hard already, and rolled onto his stomach. He could imagine Jesse behind him on the bed, all long limbs and eager hands. Learning just how Hanzo wanted his mouth and tongue. The proper way to pull him apart piece by piece and use all the strength and energy of youth to benefit them both.

He would call Jesse tomorrow. 


	2. Paper Dragons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My patreons requested the next chapter of this fic for this week's reward. It's thanks to those wonderful people that this story is getting written. Love you all and special thanks to Fujo for requesting this story originally.
> 
> Unbeta'd

Jesse looked down the barrel of a gun, sweat trickling down the back of his neck. This was it. This was the end.

Cold blue eyes pinned him in place, at the end of his run. There was no mercy in them, only calculation. “What do you have to say for yourself, Jesse McCree?” her voice showed no hesitation as the gun barrel hovered near his forehead right between the eyes.

“Please, Please show mercy,” he shuffled forward, hands clasped right in front of his chest. A red bandana was wrapped around his throat, cowboy hat pushed back to show his face. “I ain’t done no harm to nobody.”

“That’s a lie.” The hammer clicked back, sound loud in the small room. “You didn’t say thank you for all Hanzo Shimada has done for you.”

The gun fired, heartless sherif dealing out justice.

A nerf dart smacked Jesse between his eyes and he yelped. “Mabel! Don’t shoot people that close!”

“You lost!” the lanky girl crowing, dancing from foot to foot with her nerf gun in the air. “Fair and Square. I got you between the eyes.”

“You got quite the point blank shot,” Jesse chuckled, getting off the floor and grabbing mabel by the waist. “But now i’m a zombie, braaaaaaains,” He tossed her easily over his shoulder. She kicked and squealed, fists smacking at his back. “Braaaaaains, the dinner.”

He plopped her on the countertop and started to dig in the fridge.

“We’re not going to have those weird cow brains they sent are we?”

He chuckled, digging out some lean ground beef. “Nah, I ain’t touching that. Don’t know how to cook them anyway. But tacos sound alright?” he scooped out the cheese and sour cream and lettuce and fixings. Hanzo had been more than generous, always having food sent over. 

“Mmmhmm,” Mabel kicked her feet against the cabinets. “Then you’re going to help with my homework right?”

“As much as I’m able, Sweatpea.” He had her scoot out of the way so he could get down the cumin and chili powder and a handful of spices. The single burner was already heating the skillet up. “Whatcha got tonight anyway?”

“Algebra II and history.”

“You’re still in the Civil War period right?”

“Nah, we finished that last week.”

“Shit, how’d the test go?” he lightly massaged the spices through the bowl of cold ground beef. Careful not to overwork it before adding it to the hot pan.

“Got an ninety-six percent.”

“That’s my girl!” he started to high five before chuckling and going to wash his hands in the sink. “So what are you covering now?”

“Cowboys.”

“Oh really now?” He couldn’t stop himself from grinning. 

“Yup, not as cool as your westerns though.”

“Course not,” he stirred the meat gently. It still felt like a luxury, to have meat in their diet. Not something he could normally afford for the both of them. The weekly deliveries of groceries had been a life send. “Like the sandwich i sent with you for lunch?”

“It was too spicy,” Mabel slid off the counter and joined him by the tiny stove. “but I liked the grapes.”

“And the candy?” he teased, bumping her with his hip.

“Traded it for an eraser.”

“What?” he paused, looking down at the top of her head. “Why’d you do that for?”

“Cuz I don’t have any.”

“You should have said something, we can get you some at the dollar store tomorrow.”

“I need a new notebook too. Ms Peralta says I can turn stuff in on the back of old worksheets anymore,” the girls’ voice was soft, hidden behind a mouthful of stolen cheese.

“Shit,” Jesse abandoned the cooking for a moment, stooping slightly so he could look into his baby sister’s face. “I thought we talked about this. Not hiding when you need help?”

“Just… why waste the paper just to answer some stupid questions.” She huffed, crossing her arms but she wouldn’t look at him.

“Mabel, I want you to tell me when you need stuff for school. One of us has got to get a decent education and it’s too late for me.”

“You should still go back to college.”

Sadness washed over him, mouth opening in surprise. “I… Mabel, you know that’s just not in the cards for me anymore.”

“You mean until you don’t have t’take care of me,” she turned to bury her face in his shoulder. 

“Mabel, that ain’t what I feel,” he wrapped her up in his arms, fighting back a wave of tears. “You’re always be my sister, I gotta take good care of you. And that means buying you erasers and stupid paper. I’m gonna try to get you that laptop you need too, for your school work.”

“I know,” she huffed but didn’t pull away. “We got a lot of money for those toys.”

“Sure did,” he ran a hand over her wild hair. They had sold all but two of Hanzo’s gifts. As kind as it was to shower Mabel with them, the money they brought in had kept the lights on and gotten caught up on the water bill.

The little girl grumbled against his shoulder, “Why won’t you call him and say thank you? Mamma always said you gotta say please and thank you no matter what.”

Guilt prickled up his spine, knowing his ma would have been scandalized by his rudeness. They’d had this conversation half a dozen times in the eight weeks since he’d run into Hanzo. The itch had been there, more than a sense of obligation even, but it had seemed foolish to act on it. 

If the man was happy to send groceries and the occasional gift without contact, why risk it? “He didn’t leave his number.” he countered. “So he must not want t’be thanked.”

“But I want to thank him.”

“Do ya now?” he shook his head.

“Yes, I want to make him a card and some origami flowers!”

“That’s sweet of ya,” he ruffled her crazed hair. “How about you make it some of those paper dragons you’re always making? Seems more like a dragon guy to me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’ll leave it at the front desk. Marg can give it to Hanzo assistant when they drop off groceries on Friday.”

“Yes! I just hope he likes it.”

“Sure he will, sweat pea.”

 

—

 

Hanzo glared at the documents spread out on his desk. Willing them to take care of themselves and let him continue his day in peace. They stubbornly refused to disappear. With a sigh of reluctance, he dragged the first page back over. 

The printed Japanese was no more appealing on this rereading. He was still being summoned back to Japan to facilitate the merger of Shimada Emprise and a smaller company specializing in prosthetics and new technologies. He didn’t want to fly half way across the world just to shake hands and sign documents that could be done digitally. 

“Genji, should handle this,” he muttered, flipping through the letter requesting his presence.

“What should I handle?” Genji chuckled from the doorway, afternoon light turning his green hair practically fluorescent. 

“Your own business,” Hanzo waved him inside. Not surprised his brother would decide to join him unexpectedly. He was supposed to work full-time but Hanzo had serious suspicions that little work got done.

“Aw, brother, you wound me,” Genji clasped a hand over his heart dramatically as he flopped into the chair. “I come to see you, for no reason—“

“I do not believe this.”

“And you great me so rudely.” the taller man laced his fingers together over his middle. “Especially when I bring you a very special gift.”

“What?” Hanzo turned his attention back to the documents. Considering if he could decline without disrespecting the elders too much. Their grandmother was already quite upset neither of them had produced an heir yet.

“Just something from your little pet project.”

Hanzo froze, the overall casual tone not missed. J _esse sent me something?_ he forced a slow even breath, hiding the rush of excitement. He offered his hand without looking up, feeling the radiation from Genji’s grin.

“He’s pretty cute, I have to admit. Seems a little hairy for your tastes.”

“Genji,” he warned, turning over the letter calmly. “Do not make our connection sound so lewd.”

“You just like playing the savior, admit it,” Genji laughed airily, waving two letters in front of Hanzo’s face.

“I enjoy caring for people. Do you forget how I took care of you for three years upon our arrival?” He eyed the cards, one was covered in drawings of cacti and the other looked like it had been crumpled up and then smoothed out at some point. 

“That’s different, I’m family.”

“You are a nuisance.”

“You love me.”

Hanzo rolled his eyes but could not keep the smile from his face any longer. “This is undoubtably true. In the same way Jesse loves Mabel. Is it really so bad to help them?”

“No,” Genji leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, “but you gotta be careful.”

“Jesse is an adult, he can make his own decisions,” Hanzo sighed, wishing he was a decade younger. It would have made things simpler. “And my intentions are pure.”

“Mostly pure.”

“Perhaps,” Hanzo groaned, putting his head down on his desk. “I do not wish to pressure him but I cannot deny I find him interesting. Not many men would shoulder the burdens he has and fight so hard to keep the remains of their family together.”

“But you want to take him out to dinner.”

“Yes.”

“Then just ask.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Of course it is,” Genji slapped the two letters down. “At least from what I gathered while reading your mail.”

“Genji!” He growled, glaring at his terrible assistant who happened to be his brother. “That is a federal crime. You should not be reading my letters!”

“Speaking of breaking the law, you going to go home and help with the merger?”

“I have not decided yet.”

Genji shrugged before getting to his feet. “Do what you want for a change, live a little you know?”

“Sage advice,” Hanzo gave his little brother a wry grin and waved him off. He pretended to work for a few hours, mind always drifting to the two letters now living in his desk drawer. He needed to get the client work out of the way before he indulged in the mail. It didn’t make it any more interesting, surveying yet another business proposal for a high end gastro bistro. 

Their business model was lofty and with extremely high risk for the small reward. He wasn’t going to approve the loan. The bank didn’t need another restaurant investment right now. 

He managed to wait until he was home to read the letters, neck deep in his soaking tub. His hair was piled on top of his head in a loose clip, a fine sake tingling on his palette and his ultimate indulgence playing on the stereo.

The first was from Mabel, written in stilted letters in bright green ink. Tears prickled in the corners of his eyes as he read how much she had liked her birthday cake and the gifts. How the food he had sent over made it easier to concentrate in school because she had a full stomach. She had gotten an A in her history class and a B+ on a math test and was reading a book about an group of friends who could all turn into different animals and fought animalism. Including a note that she knew this was a metaphor for racism and was wanting to grow up and be a human rights lawyer or maybe a mechanical engineer. She had a host of questions about him as well. 

How old was he? What was his favorite food? Were there really green tea KitKats in Japan? Did he miss home? Did he have siblings? Was he happy? Did he like to swim? She liked to swim laps but they couldn’t afford a membership to the local rec center anymore. Did he have any hobbies? What was his favorite disney movie? 

There were two simple origami dragons inside, squished flat but a little care had them standing. They were done in simple paper, scraps of text showing that they too were made of homework assignments.

He couldn’t stop grinning, turning the page over and to his surprise finding an english worksheet. _Did she write this on her homework?_ he started to get up, thinking she might need it. Then he noticed the small red B+ in the corner and relaxed. S _he’s recycling paper?_ he didn’t know much about children but it seemed odd that one would be so concerned. _Maybe she needs school supplies._

He chewed on that idea, mentally answering a few of her questions. He would sit down and write a proper answer once he was done with his bath. Taking a long slow sip of sake, he turned to the crumpled envelope. It was of course opened and scribbled on a piece of the child’s homework. In a red pen which was a little difficult to read. Hanzo put on his reading glasses, annoyed as ever that he even needed them. He could see far away perfectly but up close had been ruined by being in front of a computer all day. Or at least that’s what he told himself.

The note was a bit stilted, starting off awkwardly, thanking him for all that he had done and telling Hanzo how much it helped. The tone warmed as the man had continued, sharing all the recipes he had made and the fact that he was filling out. “Getting bigger and harder all the time,” was scribbled out but just barely discernible. “Gaining more muscle mass and density,” came on it’s heels. 

Hanzo had to shake his head, amused to think Jesse was still growing. The additional calories had to be good for working such a hard job though. It was good to know they were both getting enough to eat now.

He savored the rest of the letter, following a rambling trail of thought littered with idioms and abbreviations. It felt just like listening to that smooth southern drawl. At the end, there was a hastily scribbled phone number with a small heart next to it.

Hanzo found himself wishing he could see the man again and not just for the carnal heat surging in his gut. He had resisted until now despite his wishes to call the man out of fear of coming off too predatory. It seemed foolish now, reading the letters again. He might be proposing a somewhat unorthodox arrangement but he had no plans to pressure Jesse into anything.

Besides, he had more than enough money to take care of both of them.

 

—

 

Jesse stared at the ceiling, holding his phone to his chest. A smile tugging at the corner of his mouth despite all the anxiety driven thoughts rushing through his head. The musical chime still fresh in his mind as he cautiously looked at the text. It was from a strange number but the preview read, “Greetings, Jesse. This is Hanzo Shimada…” 

He could hardly believe Mabel had talked him into adding his own letter and even giving the stranger his phone number. If just to say “thank you” more personally, it felt daring. He didn’t want to lead Hanzo on but it was a lie to say he hadn’t been thinking of him. Not just because of the food and groceries. It was more than that. the way he had treated mabel, a total stranger and put so much effort into making his sister’s birthday party special didn’t fit with the image he had in his mind of a lecherous old man.

Hanzo was definitely not that old and absolutely smoking hot. Jesse groaned and rolled over. He’d been careful not to follow that train of thought in the two months since that fateful night. Because every time he started to think Hanzo might be into him for more than a quick fuck, he got a painful ache in his chest. 

A similar throb had settled in his groin as he worked up the nerve to read the man’s text. He wasn’t sure what he even wanted from the message but he hoped it would give him a chance to see the stranger. Maybe get to know him a bit, even if Hanzo was obviously out of his league. Probably the type that spent more on shoes than jesse would on a car.

He peeked at the message, glad that Mabel was asleep so she couldn’t see his reaction either way. 

[Greetings, Jesse. This is Hanzo Shimada. I received your letter. Thank you for your kind words.]

He breathed a sigh of relief, not realizing he had been holding it in. 

[Howdy, this is Jesse.] He looked at his message, almost backing over it. He wasn’t sure if this was a good idea and yet, his heart was beating fast with excitement. [thanks again.] He pulled up the camera, angling at his face and giving his best heartfelt smile. It was a bit of a cheesy photo but felt more personal than just a text. He sent it along and waited.

It didn't take long for a reply.

[Does Mabel need school supplies? I observed your letters were composed on old assignments.]

A moment later another ping and a matching photo appeared. The older man smiled back at him, fit to make his heart explode. His hair was wet and curling at the ends, cheeks just a bit flushed and little crinkles in the corns of his eyes making Jesse’s heart lurch. He was beautiful and refined and Jesse found himself wanting to twirl a little bit of that hair around his fingers. It would be so soft on his calloused digits and probably smell just dreamy.

[I’m going to go to Dollar Tree tomorrow to get her some notebook paper and erasers. I think she might need a few other things but she never asks for stuff.] He pouted at the thought, snapping a pic as he lounged back on the couch. [whatcha up to?]

[She is not like my little brother. He would pester me eternally for whatever little treat he desired. You look well, Jesse.] A mirroring photo of the man nestled in several fluffy pillows in bed. [Preparing for bed. Should you not be asleep?]

[Sounds like a typical little sibling] Jesse chuckled, shaking his head at the thought of the man being harassed. [did you take care of him then, when you were younger?]

[Yes, our parents passed away when I was 18 and Genji was 17]

Jesse’s heart ached, suddenly feeling less alone. [ours passed when i was 21 and Mabel was 7. does it get… easier?]

There was a long pause in their conversation. The typing icon popping up only to disappear after a few seconds. Jesse fought the urge to apologize, his reservations about the stranger slowly breaking up and disappearing. Hanzo knew what it was like, no wonder he could sympathize. 

[we were not… very close with our parents.] Jesse frowned at the message and a new one popped up. [But I mourn their passing. It does get easier to live without them there. I do not know what it is like to raise a sibling. Genji was always more of a friend than dependent. And to sacrifice so much for their wellness. I find it admirable, how you have cared for your family. Even if it is tattered.]

Jesse swallowed, not sure how to respond. He rolled over on the couch, pulling the blanket around him. [just doing my best, you know? can’t say it’s not hard sometimes but i ain’t giving Mabel to the state for nothing. Thanks for… helping me and you know…] he stared at the screen, debating whether to be honest or not. He typed quickly, before he could lose his nerve [not asking me t’take it up the ass or nothing.]

A flurry of typing made him squirm, wondering if he’d just offended the man. Him and his stupid dumb mouth. It was probably insulting to have your motives questioned all the time. He waited, watching a show on netflix absently. When his phone dinged softly, he wasted no time unlocking it and going to the message.

[it is a commendable goal, to keep a family together. Please let me know if I can be of service of that goal. I would have been destroyed if Genji had been taken from me. this may be presumptuous but, Jesse, I would be honored to have you and mabel over for tea or coffee with my brother and myself. There is a nice cafe on third street that I believe we would all enjoy. It has very good cookies as well for Mabel.]

He hesitated only for a moment, weighing the dangers of meeting a stranger with his sister against the curiosity eating his insides up. He would have to ask Mabel in the morning to make sure she was on board. Since she’d been asking to thank the man for weeks, he bet she would enjoy the chance. Plus having some sweets and relaxing conversation in a nice ice cold cafe sounded heavenly.

[When do you want to meet?]


	3. The First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Jacconchen from my Patreon for using their monthly reward for another chapter! <3  
> Thank you Tevokkia for editing <3

 

The Lotus Café was bustling with customers and lively conversation, the patio area filled with merry Saturday shoppers taking a quick break and regulars nursing their teas with manuscripts half written in front of them.

Hanzo was at his normal spot. Tucked away under a patch of shade, the little table was perfect for relaxing on a cool afternoon. Genji sat beside him, slurping down a lavender boba milk tea and flipping through his phone.

“Sure they will like this place?” Genji set his phone down for a moment, putting his chin in his hand. The sunlight turned his hair neon green.

“I believe it will be acceptable.” Hanzo had doubted his decision many times in the days leading up to this moment. “It is more important for us to meet properly.”

“So you don’t look like a dirty old man trying to buy his way into a hot young man’s bed,” Genji chuckled, rolling his eyes.

“You are only a year my junior, Genji. I would be careful throwing around ‘old man’ so casually.” Hanzo rolled his eyes at his brother, knowing the teasing had no bite.  

“I’m not trying to date a twenty-four-year-old.” Genji shrugged, going back to his phone. “I should just be happy you’re dating anyone. How long has it been anyway?”

“I do not know what you mean.” Hanzo avoided his brother’s gaze, looking into his teacup. It had been a long time since he’d dated anyone and even longer since he’d tried to pursue a relationship.

The soft chime of Hanzo’s phone brought him out of his simmering anxiety. He tilted the screen away from Genji as he unlocked it to read a new message from Jesse.

[Just got off the bus, we’ll be there in a few minutes!] Before Hanzo could reply, another message popped up. [this is Mabel! I brought you something, Mr Shimada!!! <3 ]

Hanzo pondered the message with a smile. “Mabel reminds me of you, Genji, back when you thought your big brother was cool.”

“When was that?” Genji laughed, running a hand through his hair. The cool summer breeze stirred the potted plants around them. “You ready for this?”

“I am not sure.”

“Find your center. You are doing nothing wrong.” Genji’s hand rested on Hanzo’s forearm. “Aaaaand I promise to behave while they are here.”

Hanzo breathed slowly out through his nose, focusing on the cord of uncertainty in his chest. It began to melt away: there was no need to be anxious or doubt his motives. The familiar calm settled over him, and a confident smile overtook his features. He reached over to flick Genji on the tip of his nose. “You had better behave. There can’t be two children at the table.”

“Hey, I’m here to keep Mabel entertained so you can flirt!”

“No you are not.” Hanzo scowled over his cup. “You’re here because I wanted us to all meet.”

“Hanzo and Jesse, sitting in a tree,” Genji singsonged, an atrocious melody doubtlessly more suited to a playground. “K-I-S-S—“

“Enough!” Hanzo’s cheeks were red as coals, reaching over to cover his brother’s mouth with his hands. “You are supposed to be on my side.”

“I’m on the side that’s funniest.”

“You’re terrible.”

“You love me.”

Hanzo rolled his eyes but couldn’t keep from smiling. Genji teased, but he had made time to take the small family deliveries and shop for good healthy groceries. They had spent long evenings at Hanzo’s dinner table with recipes and catalogs for cookware and dishes, even taking guesses at Mabel’s shoe size, as all eleven-year-olds needed new shoes constantly, didn’t they?

 

—

 

“Do you think he’ll like it?”

Jesse smiled at Mabel, stomach full of butterflies. “Sure he will. You feeling good about this still?”

“Yes!” She grinned from ear to ear, the small box held tightly to her chest. She hadn’t let go of it the whole bus ride over. “Do you think I can have a boba tea? Gillian said they have the best boba here.”

“Sure you can.” Jesse slipped a hand into his pocket, double checking that he had his wallet. It was a nervous tick. Even if he could feel the worn out leather against his butt, he had to reassure himself it was still there, the shame of not being able to pay a constant worry. “Gillian a new friend? Don't think I've heard you talk about her before."

"She's not my friend."

"Oh?" Jesse kept his eyes ahead, looking for the cafe's sign. His stomach flip-flopped.

"She doesn't talk to me."

"Is she in your class?" Jesse reached out, gently catching Mabel's shoulder. Her head was down. "Hey, Sunshine, talk to me." Jesse eased down to one knee, taking her hand. "What's cloudin' your sky?"

Mabel shuffled from one foot to the other on the sidewalk. "Just stupid stuff..."

"Nothing that's botherin' ya is stupid. I wanna hear, I'm listening. See?" Jesse dug into his ear with his pinkie before leaning into put his ear right by her mouth. "All yours, talk away."

"You're gross! Don't clean your ears out in front of Mr. Shimada!" She cuffed him on the head, knocking his cowboy hat off.

Jesse laughed as he settled onto his heels and grabbed his hat. "I won't, I won't. Gotta act right around them fancy folks."

"Exactly and you didn't even dress up."

"Ah, c'mon, I'm wearing my good button-down." He dusted his hands off as he got up, and they started walking again. "Think I look good though?"

She turned her dark eyes on him in a judgmental sweep and shrugged. "You should shave. Your goatee is lame."

"What?" Jesse clapped his hand over his heart. "You don't like my beard?"

"You barely have more peach fuzz than me," she snickered and put her hands in her shorts’ belt loops. An affected swagger overtook her stride. "I'm Jesse McCree, I think I'm a cowboy but I have never ridden a horse."

"Hey!" Jesse snorted and snapped one of Mabel's suspenders. "Don't go givin’ away what little mystery I got working for me."

"Mystery won't be enough; Hanzo is handsome."

"What?" Jesse felt a heat rising in his chest, threatening to tan his neck.

"I looked through your photos when you let me text Hanzo earlier."

Jesse didn't have to look down to know Mabel had a shit-eating grin a mile wide. He swallowed, glad they had not gone further than face pics or he might have to give a talk he wasn't ready to think about yet.

"I like his hair." She hefted the long braid, twirling the end of it as they strolled along. "Can I cut my hair short?"

A flash of confusion came over him, staring down at his sister. "Why couldn't you?"

"Mama always liked it long." She stooped to grab a bit of litter, shoving it into her pocket. "And I've seen your haircut. You’ll chop my ears off trying t'cut it."

A crushing weight rooted Jesse's feet to the sidewalk, suddenly unable to breathe, a skinny, desperate seventeen-year-old staring into the graves of his parents for a heartbeat. It had been a sunny day. His father's suit was too big on his shoulders.

"C'mon, I don't want to keep the Shimadas waiting!"

A small, warm hand grabbed his, yanking him forward, and he stumbled out of the flashback. "Use those long legs already." Mabel hurried behind him and shoved at his back. "Get moving, get moving, I want tea!"

Jesse dug in his heels for a moment and it earned him a frustrated grunt from his sister. She shoved him again and he let her move him. He faked a stumble before striding on. “They’ll still be there, it’s just around the corner.”

“Then hurry!” Mabel grabbed his hand and dragged him into a fast walk.

Jesse straightened his shoulders and swung their joined hands. They covered the last block quickly, turning the corner onto the main street. “There it is, you see them?” Jesse’s eyes darted around the patio area, surprised by just how busy it was. The wrought iron fence was covered in ivy that had small yellow flowers blooming on it.

“There are too many people,” Mabel huffed, darting away.

Jesse yelped and barely kept hold of her hand. “Don’t go running off into a crowd without me.” He pulled her back to his side, pausing to look both ways before crossing the street together.

“Do you see him?” Mabel bounced on her tiptoes, trying to see through the bustling lunch crowd.

“Hold your horses, you ain’t gonna die if you have t’wait a few more minutes.” Jesse couldn’t stop the rush of excitement he felt at meeting Hanzo again either, though.

A waitress came up to them, her smile dazzling. “Hallo loves! I’m Lena. The patio’s full but we can seat you inside. Just the two of you, right?”

“We’re meeting friends!” Mabel beat Jesse to the punch. “Mr. Hanzo Shimada and Mr. Genji Shimada.”

“Oh, really, love?” The waitress flashed a smile at Jesse before her attention turned back to Mabel. “Well, they happen t’be in my section! How lucky is that?”

“Really? That is lucky,” Jesse chuckled. He put a hand on Mabel’s shoulder, not wanting to let her rush off.

“I’ll show the way. What can I get you to drink to start with?” Lena waved for them to follow and headed into the mix of tables. The press of bodies made Jesse squirm inside but at least they were outside.

“Just waters for now.” Jesse kept close to the two ladies, weaving through the tables to the back corner in the shade. The shift from bright to dark left him blinking.

“Mr Shimada!”

 

\--

 

Hanzo looked up at the sound of his name being hollered by small but powerful lungs. Genji punched him in the arm and pointed at the girl following their friend Lena to the table.

“You must be Mabel.” Hanzo rose from his seat and offered the young woman his hand. She shook it firmly, dark eyes unwavering on his.

“Thank you, Mr. Shimada. For what you are doing for us. I am sorry we couldn’t say it in person before.” Her solemn words didn’t match the huge grin on her face. “I brought you this!” She offered a small, hand wrapped box with a bow.

For a moment, Hanzo could only stare, half drawn up in surprise. Her bow was not entirely correct, but it was heartfelt. His heart filled too quickly with emotion, and he solemnly bent at the waist and took the small package.

“You honor me.” Hanzo raised the light gift against his chest as he straightened. Startled to find Jesse staring at him with a look that sent fire roaring through his core. “Greetings, Jesse.”

“Howdy, darlin’.” Jesse’s smile sent a rush through him and their charged eye-lock broke. “This must be Genji.”

“Yuuuuup.” Genji shook Jesse’s hand and Mabel’s. “Nice t’meet you.”

Jesse slide into an empty chair and the rest of them followed suit.

“You can open it, if you want,” Mabel had ended up closest to Hanzo, her Cheshire face eager and her hands balled into fists on her knees as she leaned towards him.

“I enjoyed your letter.” Hanzo smiled gently, seeing his brother in her. “I have written you one in return.” He set her small gift down on the table and pulled a black envelope with a metallic gold ribbon on the edges.

“Really?” She took it with a moment of hesitation. “I wanna save it for later. I have a booklight now, I can read in bed.”

“I enjoy reading before bed as well.” Hanzo felt himself smiling already. “Are you still reading the book about the shapeshifters?”

“I finished that one last week!” Her face brightened even more. “I got a new book from the library. It’s on basic circuitry. I don’t have the stuff to follow along but I like learning still.”

Hanzo hummed thoughtfully, sparing a glance to Jesse. The young man was busy chatting with Genji. Lena whisked back with waters for the new guests and two thai milk teas with boba as well. A chorus of “Thank Yous” sounded as they turned back to their conversations.

“You are interested in electrical work?” Hanzo asked between sips of his tea.

“I want to be an engineer, or maybe a doctor,” she explained, examining the thick boba straw. She gave the drink a suspicious sniff.

“I thought it was engineer or lawyer?” Hanzo chuckled, turning the little packet she had given him. He slid a blunt nail under the edge of the tape and gently eased it off the paper. It was bright green, almost the same color as Genji’s hair.

“I still want to be a lawyer, but doctors make more.” Mabel sipped her tea and giggled. “It’s weird. I like it.”

“You should not think too much on money.” Hanzo leaned a little closer to her. “I know it is scary, to think of your financial future. It is not easy, living on the edge. You worry about how Jesse will afford to take care of you, yes?” She nodded, eyes wide. “And that you are a burden on him.” Another nod. “But you are a blessing and will always be taken care of. You will have a good future where money is not your focus. I see a bright and sharp mind in you. You will go far and do great things.”

Hanzo glanced down at the package he’d been steadily opening; he did not wish to overstep his bounds and he believed he might have. The last flap of paper was pushed aside, and he found himself looking at a blue ribbon: the type given at academic fairs or contests, with a large golden Grand Prize in the middle.

“Mabel, what is this?” Hanzo stroked the satin ribbon with a fingertip.

“I… I wanted you to have this, it’s the first of many.” Mabel’s voice was quiet, but steady as a rock. “I got it for an essay I wrote. My teacher sent it into the competition and I got this.”

“Why give it to me?” He kept his voice soft, trying to encourage her to continue.

“Because I couldn’t have done it without your investment in me.” Mabel’s chin rose defiantly and she sat up straight. “I’m going to pay it back, one award at a time.”

“One day I hope to approve your loan application for your own business.” Hanzo met her gaze with matching the intensity and offered his hand. “I will be your first investor.”

“Y'all both look mighty serious for tea drinking.” Jesse’s warm drawl had them both looking at him.

Genji was grinning from ear to ear. “Shit, she’s not like me, she’s like you, Hanzo.”

Mabel beamed as she hooked her thumbs into her suspenders. “He’s rich enough to help people. I want to be like him when I grow up.”

“Your sister is very ambitious. It is admirable.” Hanzo tipped his head slightly to the side, letting his bangs fall out of his face.

“She’s got the McCree fightin’ spirit. We both do.” Both raised their arms at the same time, flexing their biceps before dissolving into laughter, Jesse’s warm eyes dancing with pure, sweet joy.

Hanzo felt the world shift under his feet, sending him tumbling head over heels into the unknown.

  


 

\------

[Check out my Tumblr for McHanzo illustrations, ficlets and more!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/gunpowderandfletching)


	4. Sparks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much Tevokkia for editing! And thank you Fujo for sponsoring the chapter on Patreon! 
> 
> Feed me comments if you like this fic and want more <3

Jesse grinned around the thick straw, unable to keep his eyes off Hanzo. The warm sunlight glistened in a fine sheen of sweat on his skin and danced lightly along a wide smile. It crinkled the corners of his eyes and pushed up his high cheeks. A wisp of his bangs blew back from his face in a soft breeze and he tucked it behind his ear.

The measured grace of his movement was captivating. From the way he held the sweating tea cup to the poised dip of his head to take a sip, there was a warrior’s control and a dancer’s finesse to each motion.

“So you work in construction?” Genji leaned into his field of view, a shit-eating grin plastered across his face.

“Uh...” Jesse straightened, blushing at being caught daydreaming. “Yeah, construction. With Marcel’s Construction Co.; been workin’ with them for about a year now.” Jesse leaned back in his chair, looking at his hands in his lap. They were cracked and rough. The thumbnail on his left hand was bruised.

“You must be in pretty good shape.” Genji swirled the boba straw in his cup, chin delicately propped in his hand.

“Uh…” Heat rose to the man’s cheeks and he managed to sit a little straighter. “I guess so? Got a lot of strength, ‘specially in my legs and arms but not great at like… running.”

“You should come training with us sometime. Shouldn’t he, Hanzo?” Genji turned to his brother with a smirk.

Pink climbed up the fair column of Hanzo’s throat and he shook his head. “My brother wishes to make a fool of us both, Jesse.”

 _Fuck, my name sounds good on his lips._ Jesse gulped, pulling his attention to the moment. “What you got brewing in that head of yours Genji?” It was clear the troublemaker of the pair was the taller man.

“Nothing. There is nothing in his head,” Hanzo cut in quickly. “This is supposed to be a friendly chat, a casual gathering.”

“Laaaaaame.” Genji shrugged, flopping back into his chair and pulling out a Nintendo 3DS. “Mabel, you like games?”

“Who doesn’t?” The girl leaned forward, trying to see his screen from across the table. “I like puzzle games the most. What about you?”

“I got the new Harvest Moon game on here, wanna take a look?”

Jesse relaxed some, glad not to have the combined attention of both Shimada brothers. When Mabel looked to him for permission, he gave a subtle nod. He was right here if something happened. Not that he really feared Genji would do anything inappropriate, but the instinct was too strong to ignore.

“Here, Mabs, you take my spot.” Jesse rose and offered the chair. She was quick to take it, scooting right next to Genji. Her face turned very serious for a game that was supposed to be for relaxation.

The two started talking fit to start a fire. Jesse and Mabel didn’t have any gaming systems, but Mabel loved watching Let’s Plays on his phone. Jesse watched from the corner of his eye, letting them get into it. There were no red flags, and after a few minutes, he allowed himself to shift out of big brother mode.

Hanzo was pointedly not looking at him, rather at the small centerpiece of fresh flowers. There was a flush to the tips of his ears and tension in the corners of his mouth.

Cold splashed down Jesse’s guts, anxiety rushing in. “Sorry.” He lowered his head, shame a deep pit inside him.

He resisted the urge to pull away when Hanzo leaned near. His voice stirring the fine hairs trying to grow into a beard on his cheek. “Do not be troubled. It is wise to be wary when you have someone to protect.”

Jesse nodded, sick to his stomach and feeling about seventeen again.

A warm, gentle fingertip tilted his face up and the sun fell down on his cheeks, his eyes full of light as he looked up at Hanzo. “Where is the confident and wise Jesse I saw but a moment ago?” A teasing smile filled Jesse’s chest with butterflies. “Do not worry that I may be offended. That… the…” Hanzo hesitated, eyes flicking to their siblings now arguing who was the best to romance in the town. “That the help I provide will disappear because of a perceived slight.”

A gust of relief pushed past Jesse’s lips and his shoulders slumped, the powerless, insecure feeling melting away as he came back to himself. He was no longer the scared and traumatized seventeen year-old.

“Hard to believe it still, I guess,” he chuckled, relaxing back in his chair. He ran a hand through his hair casually, using the motion to flex. As he relaxed, his knees drifted wider. “Thanks, again. For everything you’ve been doing for us.”

“It is my pleasure to do so. It is not entirely selfless; I gain immense joy in using my success in a meaningful way.” Hanzo’s eyes were soft as they turned to Mabel. “She really will do great things.”

“Shit, I know it.” Jesse laughed with a shake of his head. “Makes me wish I was smarter. She’s gettin’ to the point where I can’t help her with her homework any more.”

“I am sure you teach her other things.” Hanzo took a measured sip of tea, and when he set the cup down, his hand lingered on the table. “Not all wisdom can be gained by reading textbooks.”

“Damn straight.” Jesse’s eyes lingered on the man’s hand. It was beautiful and strong with defined knuckles and short cut nails. There were also calluses that didn’t seem to fit the idea of a man who spent all his time at a computer. “So… you’re a banker?”

“I work in the finance department.” Hanzo’s voice lost some of it’s luster, as if he’d given the exact same explanation a hundred times. The light was dim in the man’s eyes, and it sent a twinge of remorse through Jesse just for asking. “Specializing in small business loan risk assessment and—“

A jarring ringtone made the man jump, grabbing for his buzzing cell on the table. His brows drew sharply over his nose as he picked it up. “Forgive me, I must take this.”

“Sure, no worries.” Jesse lifted a hand in a small wave, watching the banker stalk off with the phone to his ear. The cut of his shorts highlighted Hanzo’s toned, round ass perfectly, and coils of heat wrapped around Jesse’s groin.

He was saved from the embarrassment of where that thought would take him by Mabel’s bark of laughter. “What’s so funny?” He turned his attention to the pair and leaned forward on his elbows.

They passed the time talking about vintage games and the best places to visit around the city. Mabel loved Bellview Park because it had a pond and the swings didn’t squeak. Genji was quick to recommend half a dozen clubs and bars for the perfect night dancing no matter what your musical tastes.

“So Jesse, where is your favorite place to go?” Genji asked with a laugh, his empty cup held in one hand.

Jesse looked away from Hanzo’s broad back, studying the table top instead. “Can’t say I got one in the city but there’s a place I wish I could go back to. Little campsite ‘bout two hours from here. Remember the one, Mabel? Ma and Pops used t’take us there in the summer.” Jesse sighed and shared a sad smile with his sister. “Though I figure a real camping trip would be damn amazin’.”

“We could sleep under the stars,” Mabel added quickly, her smile brightening. “I know a lot of constellations.”

“You do? Very impressive,” Genji grinned down at her and ruffled the mess of her bangs. “I can tell which plants are poisonous and which are safe to eat.”

“Really?” Mabel shifted to the edge of her seat. “Can you show me?”

“Only if you promise not to poison anyone,” Genji singsonged.

Mabel nodded quickly, hands in fists on her knees. “Knowledge should be used for good, not bad.”

Jesse raised a brow but let them have their fun. He would love to take his sister camping, a real vacation and return to nature. Just getting out of the city for a weekend sounded like pure heaven.  He’d have to see if he could borrow a tent and some sleeping bags, and they could head out for a weekend. Maybe even get some stuff for s’mores for Mabel and a beer or two for him.

He rubbed his jaw, eyes wandering to Hanzo’s lithe hips and legs. An amused chuckle tried to escape as he noticed just how skinny Hanzo’s calves and ankles were. Even if his thighs seemed perfectly muscled and the sliver of skin above his knee that the shorts showed off had his mouth watering. The man was standing in the shade of one of the trees along the sidewalk with the phone still held to his ear. Agitation was clear in the hard line of his shoulders and ridge posture.

 

—

 

Hanzo sighed heavily, resting his shoulder against the tree. The phone felt hot in his hand. Taking slow breaths through his nose, he focused on the cheery sun on the side of his face, the cool breeze stirring his bangs, and the golden pool inside his chest. He would not take the stress of the job back to the table or let it ruin his day.

He slipped the phone into his pocket and turned to head back to the patio. Jesse’s intense eyes pinned him in place, mouth parting in surprise. A blush rushed up his neck and face as Jesse looked him up and down agonizingly slow. The younger man flashed a toothy grin and winked.

Hanzo’s knees felt weak and he took a sharp breath. How was it possible that he could be undone so quickly by a charming smile? He managed to roll his eyes and shrug off the lascivious attention as he strolled back to the patio.

“My apologies, I trust I have not missed too much?” Hanzo smiled as he sank into his chair.

“Nothing much,” Jesse chuckled, turning those pretty eyes on him again.

Heat blazed on the tips of Hanzo’s ears and he turned to Mabel instead. “Do you enjoy gaming?”

“Yes!” Mabel set the 3DS down, looking rather guilty. “I’m sorry I was not being social when you were nice enough to invite us to tea.”

“Think nothing of it,” Hanzo was quick to explain, leaning over to see what she was playing. “Ah, one of my favorites. A good selection, Genji.”

They fell into easy conversation, talking of nothing in particular. A friendly teasing about Genji’s love of Sailor Moon had him fuming and loudly declaring they needed to watch the original series. It was almost too much for the younger Shimada to handle when the McCrees confessed that they had never seen Spirited Away or Howl’s Moving Castle.

“How can you have not seen it? It’s iconic!” Genji slapped his forehead with his hand.

Mabel giggled, holding the 3DS to her face before suddenly sitting up straight. She leaned up to whisper in Jesse’s ear.

Hanzo’s chest tightened, a little wiggling tendril of excitement growing. “We do have a box set of Miyazaki films.” He posed the statement as casually as possible, swirling the straw around his empty cup.

“And someone has a big apartment with a couch and oversized chairs. And someone also makes great popcorn,” Genji hummed, lacing his fingers together under his chin.

Jesse was speaking quietly to Mabel, words indecipherable. The young girl was nodding and had both hands on Jesse’s forearm. Her big eyes were pleading and she turned them on Hanzo.

“If you would like, I am happy to let you borrow the set and enjoy at your own leisure.” Hanzo took a calming breath, finding a place of peace.  “Or you could come over tomorrow night and we can watch both of them all together.”

“And eat a shitload of snacks!” Genji was quick to add.

For a moment, Hanzo thought Jesse would refuse. The man’s mouth twisted slightly, stuck between a grin and a concerned look. Hanzo just tilted his head to the side, studying the two but not wanting to pressure them.

The McCrees exchanged one more look and Mabel gave the subtlest of nods. “That would be mighty kind of you.” Jesse smiled wide and his eyes danced. “We’d love t’come over for a movie night.”

“The honor is ours,” Hanzo murmured, lowering his hand to the table by his empty cup. “Should I pick the two of you up? Say, around five o’clock?”

“Sounds good to me, Darlin’.” Jesse’s voice was casual, looking at Genji more than Hanzo.

The banker looked down for a moment, wondering if he was being a fool. Allowing himself to flirt with a younger man, and worse, wanting to snuggle on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and have a moment of domestic bliss. He couldn't bring himself to find fault with it, and he smiled brightly at Jesse.

"Then it is a date." Hanzo met Jesse's gaze steadily, quirking a brow as a smirk crept over his face. Jesse wasn't the only one that could flirt and tease.

"I guess it is," the younger man rumbled, voice dipping an octave.

They parted ways soon after, and Hanzo reluctantly waved goodbye. They had not allowed him to drive them home, and he really did need to go to the office. He could not completely detach himself from the sense of duty and obligation he felt even now as an adult.

"Come to the office with me?" Hanzo inquired while sliding into the black leather driver's seat.

"Ugh, do I have to?" Genji complained, flicking through his phone. "Some of us are interested in actually going out and having fun."

Hanzo rolled his eyes before pulling out of the parking lot into the street. "You would choose chasing the doctor over helping me?" he teased, not begrudging that his brother could avoid his burdens so easily.

"Sombra, Symm, Hana and Angela are going to Overwatch to dance tonight." Genji didn't look up from his phone. "See what she posted on Snapchat?"

"I'm driving." Hanzo leaned away as Genji tried to shove the phone in his face. "At the stoplight."

"Fine. But seriously, do you need me tonight? I can always meet up with them another time."

Hanzo rolled to a halt at the light and studied his hands on the steering wheel. He briefly wondered if Jesse knew how to dance. It was a wistful thought but he didn't chase it.

"I can complete the tasks without you. But you must actually get Angela's number this time. Promise me brother."

"I'm trying!" Genji laughed and threw his hands up in the air. "But thank you Brother, let me know how it goes tonight." Hanzo hummed in response and took the highway towards Genji's house. "And I'll grab some nice wine to bring tomorrow night."

"That's more like it."

Hanzo spent the rest of the night alone. First at the office pulling reports and getting a briefing together. The investments in the States were making progress, and Hanzo was more determined than ever to not get caught up in them. He was happy working as a banker. He enjoyed the solitude and the game, and had no desire to run any of the companies Shimada Enterprises was snapping up.

Rubbing his tired eyes, he leaned back in his chair and glanced at the clock on his desk. It was well after midnight and the office building was a ghost town. He was ready for the welcoming comfort of his Cali king bed and satin sheets.

Hanzo grabbed his keys and phone and headed out. A push notification caught his attention and he unlocked the screen. It had been sent just a few minutes ago; a picture from Jesse. He stepped into the elevator, hitting the parking garage floor without looking and opened the text.

The picture was of Jesse passed out on the couch with his mouth open, drooling. There was a Cheetoh stuck to his cheek, and a mostly-cleaned paper plate balanced on his chest. A ratty, holey shirt was pushed up to his chest, the man's hand resting on his lean middle. Part of Mabel's face was in the frame on the right side with a toothy grin.

Hanzo shook his head, amused at Mabel's antics. “Should you be up at this late hour, Mabel?” he sent as he stepped out of the elevator and down to the parking garage. He was somehow not surprised the young girl would be using the nighttime hours to use her brother’s cellphone.

“I just got up to get a snack and saw this loser.”

Hanzo snorted, sliding the phone into his pocket as he made his way through the mostly empty building. The only floor that was lit up and buzzing with life was the third, where a tech industry startup ran practically twenty-four hours a day.

Resisting the urge to look at the photo again, Hanzo made his way down the hall. Sliding his security badge granted him access to the parking structure. The soft tapping of his feet echoed in waves, following him to his car. The emptiness felt heavy on the back of his neck, sending a flicker of wariness down his spine.

It wasn’t easy to shake off, no longer having to look over his shoulder at every turn. He slide into his car and headed for home. It was an easy drive so late at night, and he was soon standing in the empty living room of his home. Tomorrow it would be full of life and people and joy.

For now, he shed his clothes and put them in the hamper before climbing between the sheets. The massive bed was cold, and he rolled to the side. If only he had someone to share it with.

The phone on his nightstand buzzed and he remembered he had not texted Mabel back. It was after one in the morning now. He begrudgingly picked it up, wondering if it would be appropriate to inform the young girl it was rude to text so late.

“Don’t know if you’re up but I wanted to say thanks for tea and being to kind to Mabel.”

Hanzo’s smile could barely be contained. He scooted over to the nightstand and grabbed his reading glasses, the weariness falling away from his shoulders as if he was 21 again and just now heading out to dance the night away.

“I’m just turning in for the night. It was very enjoyable. I look forward to tomorrow.” He sent it after some debate, deciding not try to flirt. He sat up in bed, bare back settled against the padded headboard.

The ping of a new message had a smile curling his mouth and the most pleasing flush of heat blooming in his core.

The message stared at him, begging his imagination to run wild.

“Look forward t’seeing more of you, Mr. Shimada. ;)”

A photo popped up and this time, Jesse was sitting up on the couch.

Shirtless.

 


	5. Non-Dairy Flirting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i LIVE! Work was insane for a bit but back to the normal 40 hours so i have energy to write this week! <3 <3 <3
> 
> Thank you, Suki, for using your $10 reward on my Patreon/Batkatbrown towards this chapter! And a huge shout out and thanks to Tevokkia for editing it. My Patrons got access to this fic before the rest of the world!

Jesse smirked at his phone, a thick layer of satisfaction wrapped around him. The photo was large on his cracked screen and he had to appreciate it: the fact that he’d cleaned up first and spent ten minutes on the floor doing sit-ups didn’t matter. 

Hunger gnawed on his stomach, a living thing with sharp teeth. It was late and he knew he shouldn’t eat, but fuck it. He stepped quietly toward the kitchen and soon was curled up on the couch with two peanut butter sandwiches and a tall glass of milk.

A notification had him grinning through a huge bite and he swiped his phone off the coffee table. A few crumbs fell to his lap and stuck in his chest hair. All the air went out of the room when he saw the screen: it wasn’t a text. 

It was a phone call.

Panic surged through Jesse, scrambling to understand why someone would call in response to a text. Was it really just because Hanzo was older and that generation tended to actually use their phones as phones? Who the fuck called when texting?

He quickly gulped his milk, washing the oily stickiness of the peanut butter out of his mouth. The number staring at him as it flashed. He could just not answer. The call ended and he let out a sigh of relief. It was quickly replaced by regret. He should have taken the call. It was better than sitting alone in the dingy apartment in the middle of the night.

It wasn’t too late to change it.

Abandoning his nest on the couch, Jesse jogged to the front door and slipped out onto the narrow walkway. The scent of someone smoking on the floor below him was the only sign anyone else was taking in the summer night.

He sank to the floor, settling his back against the cool concrete wall. The air was warm enough to make him grateful he wasn’t wearing a shirt.

With a steadying breath, Jesse tapped the ‘Call Back’ button. It only rang twice before a warm, smooth as honey voice wrapped him up.

“Hello, Jesse.”

“Hey,” he answered, his voice low and raspy. He struggled to clear his throat without making a noise. A beehive buzzed in his chest. “Hey Hanzo, what’s up?” As soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to smack himself in the face.

“Ah, did I disturb you?” Hanzo’s voice sent a shiver through Jesse, making his toes curl. “If you were preparing for bed, my apologies.”

“Nah.” Jesse gulped, cursing himself for getting flustered. “I mean, I was a little surprised you called, but…” he trailed off, taking a moment to center himself. It was just Hanzo. Just a handsome, charming, rich older man who was his diet sugar daddy.

“Would you prefer to text? After the… photo you supplied, I admit I desired to hear your voice.”

A flutter danced through Jesse from his toes to the top of his head and gently buffeted the anxiety clinging to the inside of his ribs. “Yours is mighty fine.” Jesse rested his head on the wall, eyes on the city sprawled out in front of him. “You like m’photo then?”

“It is very pleasing.” Hanzo chuckled, the sound curling around Jesse in crimson ribbons. “You have made sleep elusive. My mind has run away with me.”

“Yeah?” A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Just what are you thinkin’ about?”

“Nothing fit for your ears.” 

The sound of rustling sheets followed the words, just begging Jesse to imagine what lewd things Hanzo might be up to. 

“Perhaps a more appropriate line of conversation would be best—“

“Tell me.” Jesse bit his lip, knees drawn up as he waited.

“Ah… I...” There was the sound of blankets shifting, and a hesitance crept into Hanzo’s voice. “They may disappoint you.”

“Don’t know how they could, darlin’,” Jesse crooned into the line. A pleasing tension coiled in his groin, dancing along the line of responsibility and daring. 

“It is not something I have shared with many people.” The smile in Hanzo’s voice had him grinning, head to the side.

“Oh c’mon, you can’t tease me like that.” Jesse slowly stretched out his legs. His feet pushed between the wide bars in the railing. 

“I do enjoy teasing.”

“Bet you do.” Jesse wiggled his toes, a bubbling light filling up his stomach. “But really, if it's not the obvious then… whaddya think of it?”

“In my younger days,” Hanzo rumbled with an easy self confidence. “I thought myself something of an artist. Before the needs of family pulled me away.”

Jesse whistled softly even as his cheeks heated. “You wanted t’paint me?”

“It would be an honor to try to capture you on the canvas, though I doubt I could do you justice. I am very rusty.”

“Why’d you stop painting?”

“It is a frivolous pursuit. I never had the talent to be successful—“

“You should paint again.” Jesse sat up straighter. “Not that I’m volunteering’ t’be your model or nothin’ but what’s the point of havin’ all that money if yer not goin’ do things you like?”

The soft buzz of static began to fill Jesse with nerves, cursing himself for blabbering like he knew Hanzo well enough to tell him what to do. 

 

\--

 

Hanzo chuckled after a moment of surprise. The man had a good point, yet it had sent a ripple of guilt through him just thinking about spending time on such a selfish pursuit. The hours could be spent in more productive ways or with his brother.

The call of long afternoons at the easel working in oils or sketching tempted him. It had been a form of mediation for him.  _ Jesse on a stool, shirtless in his dirty jeans and work boots. Maybe the cowboy hat tipped back and that crooked smile. _

“Didn't offend ya, did I?” 

“No, not at all.” Hanzo swallowed, momentarily grateful that Jesse couldn’t see him. The blush on his chest and neck wouldn’t go unnoticed. “I will consider picking up some supplies this week. I believe the wisdom of youth has opened my eyes.”

“Hey, I’m not that much younger than you.”

A smirk twitched at the corner of Hanzo’s mouth. “I am eleven years your senior. You should show me more respect.”

Jesse’s sharp intake of breath had Hanzo scrambling, a cold feeling splashing over him from head to toe. “I did not mean it in seriousness. I was being—“

“Gotcha ya!” A warm, smooth-as-butter laugh bubbled up through the line.

Hanzo was frozen for a second and then dissolved into mirth. “You should not do that to an old man, think of my poor heart.”

“I’m sure your heart’s up for much more than a little joshin’.”

“What is “joshin’”?” Hanzo flopped back onto the mountain of pillows on his bed. “My heart is in danger, every time you are near.”

“Damn, that’s cheesy as fuck.”

“Do you prefer non-dairy flirting?”

“So we’re ‘flirting’ officially now?” Jesse’s smile was clear in the playful curl of his words.

“I have been flirting since this afternoon.” Hanzo’s chest was full of butterflies, batting at his heart and lungs with every second. “I believe you have been as well.”

“I was tryin’ but with Mabel there…”

“And Genji looking to start something,” Hanzo finished with a roll of his eyes. The sheets were cool against his cheek, phone resting on the bed by his head now.

“He seems like a pot-stirrer. Sure to try t’force somethin’ t’happen.”

“If we don’t end up mysteriously locked in the pantry or out on the roof, I will be surprised,” Hanzo murmured dryly, already imaging Genji scheming. “He likes to… ah… I am not sure the best way to say it… make anime moments.”

“Like what?” Jesse’s chuckle made Hanzo’s toes curl.

“Ah, perhaps I slip in the kitchen and fall into you, our chests pressed together.” Hanzo didn’t mind the thought at all. “We reach for the same thing and our hands brush. Perhaps the things of the cheesiest romantic comedies would be better.”

“So I’ll bump into ya while you got an armful of books and you drop them.”

“And we both crouch to pick them up and our faces are suddenly so close…”

“Shit, does that stuff happen in real life?”

“Not in my experience, but perhaps with the right person,” Hanzo snickered, watching the city lights flicker on his ceiling. “He enjoys playing matchmaker far too much.”

“How come you don’t have a husband or boyfriend yet then? You’re handsome and whip smart. Already beginning t’be a silver fox.”

“Thank you, I suppose.” Hanzo almost winced at the question, though he didn’t blame Jesse for asking. The compliments did stroke his ego. “I was engaged before.”

“Shit.”

“Ah, it is not a tragic story. It was a marriage of convenience to a very honorable woman. She had long been my friend and a friend of the Shimada clan.”

“Damn, it  _ sounds _ tragic.”

“Ah, but you see, I am gay and she was not straight.” He laughed softly, covering his face with one hand. “It was for the best that the engagement was broken off and she was able to leave Japan. I hear she’s married to a high level cyber-security officer now and quite happy.”

A long whistle came through the line before a pregnant pause. “So where’s your happy ending?”

Hanzo snorted, catching himself from outright guffawing into the young man’s ear.

“Fuck, don’t take that the wrong way.” 

“And what is the right way?” Hanzo’s snickered, rolling to sit up on the edge of the bed. “I have not put much thought into finding an American Dream.” He ran a hand through his messy hair. There was something just a tad off about their conversation’ it was a prickling at the edge of his consciousness. “Though a husband and family and a little house in the suburbs does appeal to me greatly.” An ache swelled in his chest, fighting back the desire to imagine such a perfect life.

“Sounds like a good dream. Got any pets running around in your dream?” Jesse laughed, a smile clear in his voice.

A realization came over Hanzo in a flash. “What is your Amercian dream?”

“Rather talk about yours, sweetheart. You a cat or dog person?”

Jesse was adept at keeping the conversation on Hanzo, avoiding giving away any of his own secrets. Hanzo realized he had learned almost nothing about the younger man during any of their conversations. 

He had once been the same, entrenched in the tools of survival. 

Hanzo settled his back against the mountain of pillows behind him. The silence had drawn out further than was normal and he struggled to pick it up. 

“Uh… well, it’s late and I should get back to sleep.” Jesse’s stilted voice made Hanzo’s heart sink. 

“Of course, I should try to rest as well. I hope you and Mabel will still grace my house with your presence tomorrow evening?”

“Yeah, we’ll be there. Thanks again for today.”

“It was nothing. Good night, Jesse.”

“Night.”

The line went dead and Hanzo sighed, resting his head in one hand. Concern weighed heavy on his chest as he considered their conversation: perhaps he needed to be more careful or he would scare the man off before even getting a chance to romance him.

The nagging worry followed him into his dreams and his sleep was fitful. The bed was an ocean of loneliness, stretching farther than his arms could reach. 

Hanzo woke feeling as if he had barely closed his eyes. The sun was just up, soft peachy light drifting passed the white gauze curtains. He rolled over and buried his face under the covers with a groan. 

He was too old for such late nights after long days. 

Maybe he would spoil himself with a rare late morning. Stay in bed and sleep. If not that, at  least it would be more restful than getting up. He could indulge himself, even. The idea stuck in the forefront of his mind, along with the image of Jesse’s cheeky grin and perfectly sculpted chest. The top drawer of his nightstand called to him, promising a refreshing if messy start to the day. The contents were sure to have him writhing and calling out for someone to join him and replace the plastic. 

Jesse would taste sweet on his tongue.

A strangled noise of frustration made it past his lips and he threw off the blankets, a dull throb in his groin struggling to overcome his sense of propriety. If he couldn’t control his thoughts, he didn’t deserve to be around the man. 

He was saved from considering the dilemma by the doorbell. 

Tossing on his robe from the back of the door, Hanzo shuffled down the hall and into the living room. The doorbell chimed again before he made it, confirming his suspicions.

“I am coming, Genji,” he barked, shoving his hands through his hair to tame it before throwing open the door.

His brother was grinning, his arms full of grocery bags. “Good morning, Brother.”

“Why are you here?” Hanzo grumbled, feeling the crusties still stuck in the corner of his eyes.

“You wound me.” Genji dramatically slumped against the door frame. “Here I come bearing gifts of snacks and candies and supplies for tonight’s movie date, and you treat me like an intruder.”

Hanzo eyed the paper bags. They were threatening to rip from the weight of candy, chips and all sorts of junk food. There was an extra fuzzy blanket poking out of one. Hanzo pointed at it. “What’s that? I have plenty of blankets.”

“It’s for Mabel.” Genji unceremoniously dropped all the bags but the one containing his surprise. “Look, isn’t it awesome? She’ll love it!”

The blanket was quickly freed of the packaging and spread wide between the taller man’s arms. 

“I do not know what I was expecting.”

"You know it’ll be a hit.”

“Do you think it appropriate to give her a blanket? I would hate for her to feel she is not welcome to use mine—“

“Do you want her cuddled on the couch between you and Jesse or with her own blanket on the floor?”

Hanzo could not argue with such ironclad logic.

 

—

 

Jesse had a black bit of ribbon between his teeth as he braided the mass of Mabel’s crazy hair, the dark brown strands frizzy from the summer humidity. She needed a haircut more than he did, and he really needed one.

The shaggy weight on the back of his neck was already sticky.

“Can you put it in a bun?” Mabel didn’t look up from her book where was spread on her legs as they sat on the park bench. Jesse was concerned it might not be a great book for an eleven year-old to read, but then again, if she wanted to learn how to make a rabbit snare who was he to stop her? 

“It won’t ever come t’that, I promise.” Jesse worked the braid to the end and snagged the ponytail holder out of his wallet. It was always good to have a backup hair tie around. 

“You don’t know that.” She flipped the page to a diagram of how to butcher a rabbit.

“Woah, there.” Jesse reached past her but she was faster, holding the book out of his reach. “That looks too graphic for you.”

“Jesse.” Her tone held far too much authority for a child. It was the ghost of their mother’s. “You didn’t mind me reading medical textbooks.”

“That’s different.” Jesse mumbled, getting the hair tie around the end of her braid. He coiled the dark brown rope up into a loose bun. The black ribbon, stolen from a fancy box of chocolate Hanzo had sent last week, did a decent job of keeping it in place. “I got a good job now and we got food on the table. We ain’t gonna be living out of a car again.”

“You don’t know that.”

Jesse’s heart threatened to break at the tremble that ran down her narrow frame. “I do know it. We’re safe here. Things are going to only get better. I'll always take care of you.”

“And I’ll bandage you up.”

“You are damn good with that needle and thread.”

Jesse pulled her into a messy hug, kissing the side of her head. He used the movement to snatch the book from her. She yowled in protest, throwing every gangly limb to break out. He let her go after a moment. The book was tucked out of sight already.

She zipped away with a laugh and Jesse slid the wilderness survival guide into his back pocket. He would return it to the library after giving it a read himself. It never hurt to be prepared.

"Get back here, hooligan!” Jesse took after the child in an easy lope. She nimbly jumped into the slide of the play structure and scurried out of sight. Jesse went for the ladder, not caring if the other parents were staring. The park was always busy on Sundays; with non-squeaking swings, who could blame them for choosing this one?

They played cat-and-mouse around the playground, Mabel adept at reading his body language. Every time he went right, she went left. When he thought he had her cornered, she somehow found a way to wiggle through a gap or vault over the wall. 

She was thin but sturdy. A fighter through and through. 

Jesse just hoped she’d never have a reason prove it.

Eventually, they ended their game with a sloppy grab and Jesse spun her around in his arms. They were both sweaty and dirty from the sand around the swings and had grass stains on their knees.

People on the bus gave them strange looks. They always did. Jesse self consciously drew his long legs in and made himself small next to Mabel. Trying to make himself seem younger and less threatening, he kept his head down.

It was easier that way.

Jesse took a deep breath as soon as they were off the bus. He took Mabel’s hand despite her protests and led them across the street. The apartment was only a quarter mile away, but she was quickly grumbling.

“C’mon, I know what you’re after.” Jesse dropped into a crouch beside her, throwing a grin at the girl.

“I knew you were smart.” She giggled before climbing onto his back.

“Mmhmm.” He rolled his eyes. 

“Which is good, cuz’ you’re hard on the eyes.”

“Mabel!”

“I’m just saying, you gotta dress good tonight.”

“Oh yeah?” He jostled her teasingly. “Why’s that?”

“So Hanzo will like you! Duh!”

Jesse could only groan.

 


	6. PJ Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet as Honey C 6
> 
> For Fujo and Felix on my patreon

 

Hanzo worried his bottom lip, staring at the packed fridge. “Genji,” he called to his brother who was settled in front of the massive tv fiddling with his gaming console. “Should we fetch some fresh—“

“We have more than enough food for the four of us." The taller man’s voice practically cracked with his grin. “You should relax, it’s not a fancy dinner party.”

“But it is important to impress.” Hanzo dusted an invisible speck of something off his crisply pressed button down. He had even taken care to trim his beard that morning with Genji teasing him the whole time. 

“Uh, I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

“I do not mean with money,” he waved vaguely at the spacious apartment. Sparsely decorated, it caused him some unease. The last thing he wanted was to make Jesse and Mabel feel unwelcome. 

Genji suddenly appeared in front of him, dressed like a homeless samurai. “You are overdressed brother. You look old and formal.”

Hanzo growled, reaching out to ruffle Genji’s ridiculous green hair. “I am not the one wearing a yukata over  _ sweatpants,”  _ he hissed, without any real heat.

“I am comfortable, which is the most important when watching movies.”

“you will be on your phone the whole time anyway.”

“It’s Spirited Away!”

“You will still be texting the pretty doctor.”

“Can you blame me? I just got her number and she’s—“ Genji dramatically draped himself over the countertop. “Dreamy in all the right ways.”

Hanzo made an unconvinced sound low in his chest before sweeping out of the kitchen. He was not prepared to hear Genji’s endless gushing, not when he was unable to return it about his own romantic interest. 

The awkward ending to their conversation weighed heavily on his shoulders. He regretted pushing for Jesse to share something about himself even if his intentions had been good. 

It would take a more careful and measured approach to get the young man to open up to him. One best facilitated by time, the one thing he could not buy. 

With a heavy sigh, Hanzo checked his phone. There were no new messages. Heart slowly sinking, he had to admit that there was no hope for stolen cuddles on the couch or the playful dance of feet under the blanket.

The sunlight inched across the hardwood floor. Little by little revealing the well-loved edge of a tatami mat and spread warm fingers over Hanzo’s toes. He curled them absently, soaking up the heat. Despite the summer’s last broiling days, the apartment was always kept ice cold. 

It would be time to pick up the McCrees soon and he needed to put on his shoes. Perhaps Genji was right and he should pick something more casual. 

The musical chime of his phone pulled his attention to the present. 

“Jesse.”

He took a breath, steadying himself, before opening the message.

[Hey Hanzo, Mabel’s been pestering me to ask this all day.]

[What does she wish to ask me?] He replied before the bubble of typing could result in a message. A smile nudged his mouth, already wondering what madness the clever girl was up to. He had a sneaking suspicion she was on his side.

[She wants tonight to be a pajama party.]

Hanzo snorted, covering his mouth to keep in a raucous laugh at the thought. [Who am I to deny her anything?]

There was a long pause, giving Hanzo time to strip to his boxer-briefs. He had a large collection of PJs ranging from the traditional robes of his homeland to a beaten and threadbare band t-shirt from his youth. He chose to pull it on, relishing the way it clung to his shoulders and arms. He had been thinner when he bought it, barely seventeen and in the midst of his rebellious phase. The band’s name was faded and the skull wreathed by dragons had lost most of it’s color. He still loved it.

He dragged on a pair of beaten in jeans and put his hair up. The wingtip shoes were toed off and set carefully back in his closet organizer. Shoving his sushi sock covered feet into his boots, he called to his brother. “Genji, you’re not underdressed after all.” He stomped his left foot the rest of the way into his shoe and headed into the living room. 

“You are ridiculous.” Hanzo drew up, chest tightening at the criticism. “But I love it.”

“We are having a pajama party tonight,” Hanzo grumbled in his defense. 

A whistle had a blush rising on his cheeks.

“Hopefully Jesse  _ has _ pajamas.”

_ “Genji!”  _ Hanzo hissed, picking up a decorative pillow and hurling it at his brother’s head.

“What? they’re poor!”

“Just get the movie ready,” Hanzo barked, dodging a blow from a stark white pillow. “and the popcorn. And the wine—“

“Getting him drunk? That’s low.”

“He can drink if he wants! I'll call him a cab.”

“Or try to get him in the guestroom.”

“Genji, behave yourself. I do no wish to scare them away.” Hanzo held his brother’s gaze until the younger man nodded. “And put on real clothes when you open the door to the pizza guy.”

“Nah.”

Hanzo muttered to himself in Japanese, deciding it was not worth the fight.

 

\--

 

Jesse was dozing on the couch, feet dangling over the arm, when something cold and stick slapped his face. He gasped awake clawing at his cheek as he fell off the narrow sofa. The floor bruised his knees and side, needles of pain from crumbs shot along his arm.

“Mabel, what the fuck?” he growled, shoving himself to his feet. 

The flick of something red disappearing behind Mabel had his attention. “Hanzo is outside.”

“What?” He tried to process what she was saying, wiping the cloying stickiness from his face. “And what is that?” He stuck his hand out expectantly.

Her dark brown eyes glittered with mischief before bolting for the door. “No time! Hurry up!”

Jesse tore after her, untied boots sliding on his feet. He half slammed into the door frame with a wild grab for her arm. She was too fast, already skipping down the narrow walkway.She waved for him to hurry as she took the stairs into the parking lot.

“Get back here!” He yelled half-heartedly. 

“Good Afternoon.” 

The sun was bright, reflecting off the myriad of windshields but it couldn’t disguise the regal set of Hanzo’s shoulders. “Hey,” Jesse cleared his throat, hating the flush of heat already creeping up the back of his neck. He rubbed at it as he ducked inside to grab his keys and wallet from the entryway table. 

The coolness of the apartment washed over him and his shoulders slowly relaxed. He stooped to tie his boots before heading to join the two in the parking lot.

“You are a demon,” Hanzo laughed the words fondly, leaning against the sleek black muscle car.

“I tried shaking him but he wouldn’t wake up.” Mabel’s tone not betraying the impish smirk playing around her mouth.

“I was just napping so when I have t’carry your asleep butt home I'm not stumbling on my feet.” Jesse kept his eyes on his sister, too aware of the way Hanzo’s shirt clung to his arms and chest. 

She threateningly snapped the sticky hand onto the car. 

“I beg mercy for the man,” Hanzo was fighting back a laugh. “I will be driving you home or call a cab, rest assured.”

“Can we stay the night?”

“Mabel!”

“Ah…” Hanzo’s mouth tensed, the slightest twitch of his eyebrows betraying his hesitancy.

“Mabel, that’s rude. We don’t want t’impose,” Jesse tried for an easy chuckle but it stuck in his throat. 

“It would not be imposing but do you not have school in the morning?” An easy smile played over Hanzo’s mouth. 

“I do.”

“And you do not have an overnight bag packed.”

“True.” Mabel turned her face up. “Promise to carry me up the stairs tonight?”

A zip of static lit up Jesse’s nerve endings at the thought of Hanzo carrying a sleepy, trusting Mabel. Hanzo’s eyes widened before darting to the side. Their gazes locking, the quirk of Hanzo’s eyebrows asking for permission. Heart tumbling in his throat, Jesse slowly nodded. 

“If your brother does not protest, I would be honored.” He bowed deeply to the little girl and she returned it with all the solemness her gangly form would grant.

Sweat beaded on Jesse’s neck, sliding down his neck when the gesture made Hanzo’s shirt ride up his back. Just the tiniest sliver of flesh over the hem of his jeans promised that Hanzo Shimada had his own share of secrets.

“Let us depart. The pizza should be delivered soon enough.”

“Pizza! Hell yes!” Mabel grinned ear to ear, letting herself into the back seat of the car.

Jesse shrugged, unable to hide his surprise.

“I thought it better to… be casual,” Hanzo explained as he circled to the driver’s seat.

Jesse slid into his seat, taking in the car. He was sure it wasn’t the one he’d ridden in all those weeks ago. Or had he just been too distressed to notice the shiny chrome accents and blue highlights in the details of the stereo and seats. “Thanks for… being so considerate.” He managed after a moment, comforted by the deep purr of the engine. “Whatcha got under the hood?”

“A restored v8 converted to handle hard light energy.” A fond smile turned up the corners of Hanzo’s mouth and he reached to run his hand along the dash. “She was my first antique and has lasted the longest.”

“You restore classic cars?” Jesse shifted to face Hanzo, ignoring the press of the seatbelt across his too wide chest. Heart fluttering at just the thought and fingers itching to touch.

“I am unfortunately only comfortable changing a tire and refilling the washer fluid,” Hanzo’s rueful expression had Jesse grinning. “But I have been blessed to have the services of a dedicated shop to bring her to life.”

“She’s a real beauty.” The leather dash was warm under his fingertips, savoring the whispering rasp it made. His calluses just lightly dancing on the supple material. He could feel the hair-thin wires running just below the surface, curiously mapping their pattern. It wasn’t a logo or standard pinstriping. 

“Do you wish to see what makes this car particularly close to my heart?”

“Yes!” Mabel shoved the top half of her body between their seats. “Does it have--”

“Mabel, sit back--”

Jesse broke off as Hanzo flipped a switch and a dragon rose from the dash, glimmering in the pure blue of hard lights. It undulated as if in response to the car’s purring and when Hanzo punched the gas to merge onto the highway, it bared its teeth in a snarl.

“Fuck!--”

“Fuck!--”

Jesse barked a laugh as Mabel dissolved into giggles. “You’re not allowed to swear, little missy.” He couldn’t take his eyes off the creature, barely resisting the urge to bury his hands in the flowing mane. 

“It is illegal to have it on while driving but it does make for a far more impressive display.” The smug, satisfied expression on Hanzo’s face had Jesse squirming in his seat. Sweats suddenly too thin to be appropriate. He blamed the car and the vibrations rolling from the engine. 

The dragon gave another snarl as Hanzo darted between two cars, showing the car’s power off. Mabel was laughing and cheering in the backseat, feasting on the carefree energy. Thoughts pushed on the back of Jesse’s mind, warnings to be safe and not to draw the attention of the cops and yet, he needed this too. 

It left him flushed and lightheaded when they pulled into the parking garage at Hanzo’s building. His limbs were light, half dancing out of the car. The beautiful powerful car he was quick to miss even as he helped Mabel out.

“Fuck,” he couldn’t help it, eyes roving hungrily over the muscle car. “You gotta let me take a peek under the hood sometime.”

“It would be my pleasure.” Hanzo’s chuckle caught him off guard, smoky and thick at his side. Heat surged through his stomach as Hanzo’s pinkie brushed slowly along his hand. Just the barest touch, maybe accidental, and the man was strolling away.

“I bet the pizza is waiting for us. Are you hungry Mabel?”

“C’mon, let’s go!” the younger McCree grabbed Jesse’s hand and dragged him after their host. 

The tug got his feet moving and he managed not to make a fool of himself. Even if his eyes flicked between the supple curve of Hanzo’s ass and the glorious car left all alone.  _ She’s got a set of lungs on her, bet it’s all custom.  _ His fingers itched to dig around and explore.

“Do you enjoy cars, Jesse?”

Jesse started, looking up as the elevator doors dinged open. When had they gotten in the elevator? “Uh, yeah, but what guy doesn’t?” A wave of red rose on the back of his neck and he rubbed it as they stepped into a hallway.

“He was going to school for it,” Mabel pointed out as he abandoned his hand. She straightened her oversized shirt and tucked her fuzzy curls behind her ears. “I like cars too even though I'm a girl.”

A smile spread across Hanzo’s face and he paused with the keys in the doorknob. “There is nothing boy or girl about cars, only those with the desire to enjoy them.”

“Girls can do anything boys can,”’ Jesse added and they stepped into the apartment.

“Damn.”

Jesse didn’t hear another word, staring at the priceless vases displayed along the far wall and a TV that was worth more than his life. Dollar signs hung in front of each in his mind, how much they would fetch at a fence or pawnshop ringing in his ears. 

He could snatch something and they could be on the run with a couple years worth of cash. The instinct churned in his guts, warring against the straight and narrow path he’d been walking.

“Jesse?”

He looked away from a display case that held two katanas, authentic if he had to guess. He was having trouble focusing, even with Genji now shaking his hand.

“Uh--” he cleared his throat, “Hi, nice t’see you again, Genji.” 

“My pleasure,” A toothy grin set a whole different set of alarm bells off in his head. Including the man’s tendency to play matchmaker by whatever means necessary. “Why don’t you and Mabel and Hanzo get settled and I will bring the drinks over.”

“Thank you,” Jesse swallowed, avoiding looking at Hanzo as they went to the living room in the open concept apartment. “Nice place you got here.”

“Thank you for your kind words.” Hanzo’s easy smile made Jesse’s heart lurch.

“Nothin’ but the truth.” He looked down at his feet, realizing he was still wearing his boots. “Uh, should I?” he gestured at them vaguely.

“Please do, I am sure you will be more comfortable.” 

“Mabel, take your shoes off, we forgot our manners.” Jesse was quick to shuck his work boots, glad that his socks were mostly in one piece. Mabel removed her too small sneakers and handed them to him. He tucked them behind his back, shame blooming in his gut. The contrast in their position in life had never been clearer.

“I’ll just… by the front door?” Jesse asked quietly, eyes cast down. 

Tension rippled through him as a broad hand settled on his shoulder, light as a butterfly’s wing. A finger settled under his chin and he reluctantly let Hanzo raise his face. Time stilled as their eyes met, the warmth radiating against Jesse’s face as tenderness was offered in a smile.

“Please feel at peace in my home, you are wanted here,” Hanzo’s voice was a summer breeze along a sandy beach and Jesse was captured in it like a kite. “I only desire for us to share an evening of relaxation.”

Jesse swallowed around the lump in his throat, struggling to find words.

The shoes in his hands were deftly removed and he could only watch as Hanzo carried them to the door. Ratty and worn, they stuck out against the pristine wood floors and with the man himself. 

“He’s nice,” Mabel whispered beside him as she watched intensely. Learning her place in the world a little bit at a time, it wouldn’t be quickly forgotten.

“Yeah,” Jesse cleared his throat, “I really think he is.”

The tension slowly dripped from his shoulders as Hanzo returned, Genji at his elbow. “I hope you like it!” Genji presented the tray with a flourish. “Mojitos with mint from Hanzo’s own little herb garden for us adults,” he twirled the tray to show a glass bottle off. “And for the lady, I got ramune. It was my favorite at your age--”

“And now.” Hanzo cut in with a chuckle.

Jesse watched a bead of perspiration run down the side of the tall glass. “Uh…”

“Is something wrong?” Hanzo sipped his own drink, a smile curling the corners of his mouth with pure enjoyment. “Would you prefer something else? I have a modest bar cart.”

“I… actually don’t drink no more.” Jesse rubbed the back of his neck, focusing on the strange bottle Mabel was turning over in her hands. The directions both in English and Japanese.

“Oh,” Hanzo straightened, brows twitching up. “I have tea or soda or juice I believe? Or water of course,” Hanoz set his own glass back on the tray and hurried to the refrigerator. Mabel and Genji snickered at the same time and then laughed. 

Jesse left the two little shits to follow Hanzo into the kitchen. “Didn’t mean nothing by it,” he eased over, leaning his hip on the counter by the fridge. “I’ll drink anything else though.”

“I should have asked,” Hanzo’s head popped out from behind the fridge door. “It was rude of me to assume.” 

“Nah,” Jesse forced himself to uncross his arms and angled his chest to the man.

“How about trying a ramune? I have two left,” Hanzo pulled out from the fridge, holding the bottles in one hand.

“Sure, always good to try new things,” Jesse chuckled and they made their way back to the couch. Snacks were spread out on the coffee table, candy and chips and a massive bowl of fresh popcorn still steaming lightly.

“Please make yourself comfortable,” Hanzo waved for Jesse to take the couch.

He sank onto the plush cushion on the far left side. It wrapped him in bliss, realizing suddenly just how tight his muscles were. A little moan escaped as he rested his head back, eyes closed as he waited for Hanzo to join him. It would be nice, to just melt on the couch with a handsome man at his side. Even fool around, since that’s what movie nights were really for and the couch was furthest from the TV. 

Jesse curled his toes in anticipation for what Hanzo would do.


	7. Welcome to the Punshow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is sponsored by Kelsey from my patreon and in part by this month's bonus (instead of a livestream as voted on a few weeks ago). A huge thank you to tevokkia for helping me figure out this chapter and get it edited.

Hanzo’s heart melted at the sight of Jesse completely relaxed and languid, like a classical painting in the making. He traced the long lines of Jesse’s body and the graceful curve of his neck with his eyes, trying to commit them to memory. 

The young man’s hair fell in a halo against the couch, starting to curl at the ends. Stray wisps curled against the side of his neck. A shadow of stubble lingered on his cheeks, promising a stinging pleasure on Hanzo’s lips if he dared to press them to Jesse’s face. 

 _Behave, Hanzo,_ he cautioned, remembering the awkwardness of their phone conversation. Jesse’s walls were high and the facade convincing. Hanzo was willing to wait until Jesse lowered a rope to invite him inside the sanctuary.

“Whatcha looking at?” Jesse’s eyes flicked open, pinning Hanzo to the seat. 

Heat rushed down Hanzo’s chest, pooling in his stomach like liquid gold, and he didn’t look away. A lazy smile crept across his face and he tilted his head slightly to the side. “I only wish I had a sketchbook and charcoal to capture your likeness in this moment.”

“Gotta hire me t’do some of that fancy art modeling sometime.” Jesse’s voice was casual but the twinkle in his eye promised mischief. 

“You’re an artist?” Mabel appeared out of nowhere, leaning over the back of the couch between them. “What do you draw?”

“I haven’t drawn in a long time.” Hanzo couldn’t resist chuckling at her enthusiasm. “But I used to draw people mostly--”

“And anime characters,” Genji cut in with a snicker. “He was a pathetic fanboy--”

“Which one of us has a Sailor Moon snuggie again?”

“Hey, Sailor Uranus is the best one!”

Hanzo rolled his eyes. “You are just hopeless.”

“Can I see some of your drawings?” A cheshire grin spread across Mabel’s face. “Jesse wants to see too.”

“Now, let’s not rush an artist.” Jesse grabbed Mabel by the shoulders and dragged her over the back of the couch. She landed in a flail of gangly limbs and Hanzo leaned back to avoid getting a knee to the face. 

Jesse got her in a headlock, tousling her hair wildly. “You better not be trying to start up trouble, little missy.”

“Never!” She giggled, smacking at Jesse’s face until he released her. “You’re the one being rude and wrestlin’ in someone else’s home.”

Hanzo and Genji exchanged a look, a nostalgic warmth bubbling up. They were much the same in their younger days, and watching the other two felt a little bit like home, Jesse and Mabel teasing each other and turning on Genji in turn.

The doorbell startled Hanzo out of his domestic daydreams, and he quickly turned aside to hide his blush. The tips of his ears were warm as he hurried to get the pizza, and the laughter bubbling up behind him practically lifted him off his feet. 

He left a large tip and carried the stack of pizza boxes to the coffee table to set them down with a proud smile. “Pepperoni, veggie supreme and, of course, a classic cheese.” He opened the steamy hot boxes, showing off the food offering to the McCrees.

“Let us eat!”

“Itadakimasu!” Genji threw open the first box and started piling his plate with pizza and junk. 

Hanzo chuckled, turning to Mabel and Jesse as he knelt at the side of the coffee table. “Please dig in.” He wanted to encourage them to feel comfortable, keeping part of his attention on the two as he picked up the remote. 

The movie was already loaded, and he quickly navigated to the audio and subtitle section. “Do you wish to watch in the original Japanese or with the dub?” He glanced to the side and frowned. Neither McCree had touched the food yet, looking at each other on the couch instead.

For a moment, Hanzo just observed the two and their secret language. They communicated without words, in complex looks and subtle nods. Mabel’s toes were curled into the plush rug, socks threadbare.

Hanzo chewed on the inside of his cheek, realizing their hesitation. Uncertain how to sooth their particular worry, he started to rise.

“Dig in you two, do not worry about making a mess,” Genji grinned around a mouthful of cheese pizza. “The couch and rug are practically stain proof.”

“Genji--”

“What? You got the stains out just last week when I passed out with a Taco Bell bag spilled over the cushions.” Genji shrugged, flashing a reassuring smile.

It seemed to do the trick, and the McCrees began to fill their own plates.

The group settled in to watch Spirited Away, in Japanese with English subtitles, and fill their bellies. It was an easy type of quiet as they followed the heroine into the strange world of spirits and magic. Hanzo couldn’t stop the smile growing on his face as both guests sucked in a breath to cross the bridge with Chihiro as instructed by Haku.

The sofa was warm against his back, and Hanzo rested his head against the cushion. There was room for him on the couch with Jesse and Mabel: it tempted him, and yet he couldn’t seem to make himself move.

It was too comfortable, a lazy night of magic and wonderment with friends and family. 

Halfway through the film, Mabel crept from the couch like Chihiro sneaking through the bathhouse. She settled on the floor right in front of the television, completely entranced. _Just like Genji used to._ The thought was warm and comforting in the dark room. They had watched this particular Studio Ghibli film countless times as children. Tucked away from the world in a castle that resembled the bathhouse, the two heirs had scrubbed floors and stolen food from the kitchens.

A solid warmth connected with his shoulder, running all the way down his left arm to his wrist. Hanzo looked up, knowing what he would see, and yet the sight made butterflies flutter around his lungs.

Jesse had moved to close the distance between them, and his face smiled down. The TV threw warm reds and golds over his cheeks and hair and Hanzo struggled the breathe. Jesse ducked his head, breaking the moment, and began to pull away.

Hanzo’s hand moved of its own accord, faster than thought, to close over the man’s foot. He held it in place with a silent plea, not taking his eyes from the back of Mabel’s head. She was fixated on the movie, and Genji was just as focused.

Hesitantly, Hanzo rested his shoulder into the younger man’s calf. It was thick with muscle and solid against him, begging thoughts of how the rest of Jesse’s body was shaped. His tongue felt thick and heavy in his mouth, and he reached for the ramune.

With the ease of habit, he pulled the top off and pushed the glass marble free. The drink fizzed and bubbled with a sweetness sure to rot his teeth. He sipped happily at the staticy blue raspberry liquid, content to soak up the moment.

-

Jesse kept his eyes on the screen as Hanzo melted against him. The subtitles moved faster than he could follow sometimes, but the thrill of magic made up for it. He cheered for the girl, and cursed under his breath at the witch’s cruelty. 

A piece of his attention was always focused on the man at his feet and on his sister, not missing the way her narrow shoulders shook slightly at Chihiro’s fear of never getting her parents back. Their own were beyond saving, buried in the red clay of New Mexico. It hadn’t gotten easier over the years but the sting was dull.

It was easy to push aside with the comfort of a handsome man touching him. Even platonically, it was a relief to not feel alone. The brush of Hanzo’s thumb across the top of his foot promised something more as the movie reached its peak. 

A steady brush along the delicate joints and tendons made Jesse blush. Hanzo’s touch was an easy, intimate exploration of his foot. Little sparks shot up his leg as Hanzo scraped his blunt nail across the side of his heel up to his ankle.

Tendrils of desire coiled around Jesse’s thighs as Hanzo rested his head on his knee. The fluffy tuft of his ponytail rested on his leg. Just within easy reach. The reflection of light from the television on the inky strands drew his attention from the screen.

Colors glistened against the darkness, streaks of silver highlights scattered like shooting stars, and Jesse couldn’t help himself. Jesse eased his fingers into the mass of hair, sighing in relief to feel it around his digits. 

Hanzo leaned into the touch with a sigh, just barely audible over the movie. Jesse’s gaze shifted to watch what he could see of the man’s face, amused as the little line between his eyes slowly eased. It made Hanzo look years younger, and Jesse melted at the sight of it. Hanzo pressed against his knee a little more, a firm shoulder pushing into his calf while he traced the shape of Jesse’s foot with a finger.

“Like having your hair played with?” Jesse crooned, careful to keep his voice low.

“Your hands feel like heaven,” Hanzo chuckled, tipping his head back to wink before looking to the film again.

Jesse took it as permission to continue, threading his fingers through his ponytail. He made the move again and again, but regretfully left the hair tie alone, half afraid he would make a fool of himself seeing it down and do something unwise. Like bury his face into the dark cloud and breath Hanzo in like a man about to suffocate. 

He could huff the scent of coffee and cologne till he lost himself inside it, imagining Hanzo beneath him, moaning as his hair was pulled gently in Jesse’s fist to expose his neck. He could mark the man with kisses and bites and find solace in the arms of a real lover.

Jesse gulped around nothing, catching himself on a dangerous edge. He couldn’t let himself believe that there was a real future here, biting down to silence the inner cry. Even if Hanzo could feel for him now, he wouldn’t if he knew the story of the scars on his body. The ghost that followed him and Mabel across the country and woke him sweating in the middle of the night.

As soon as the black thoughts began to rise, Jesse slammed the lid on them. Locking it away with things too painful to acknowledge, he threw the key into the void for the thousandth time.

“Did you enjoy the movie?”

Jesse blinked, lifting his head from staring at his knotted hands. 

Mabel and Genji were looking at him with identical tilts to their heads. Hanzo was waiting for an answer, brows barely raised and mouth painted with concern, a gentle kind of care that reached straight into Jesse’s chest and cupped the frantic bird his heart had become.

He tried to speak but the words came out a hoarse breath. 

“Here.” Hanzo pressed his half finished ramune into Jesse’s hands. “It was rude of me not to offer you another drink after you finished your own.”

“I loved it,” Mabel was quick to add, filling the silence. Her eyes glowed with stars as she jumped to her feet. “No Face is my favorite. He’s so nice to chihiro and helped the good grandma!”

Genji slid in, pulling the girl’s attention to himself. “When he consumes the workers, he seems to take their personalities right?”

“And when they are with Yubaba’s sister, he is kind and gentle and helpful!”

Jesse let his attention fall from the two, taking a sip and swishing it in his mouth. The sour taste was still there, but masked by sugar and artificial flavoring.

“Sorry.” He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. 

“There is nothing to apologize for.” Hanzo’s voice was a soothing balm on his nerves. “Do you wish for me to take you both home?”

“Nah.” Jesse steadied himself with a deep breath, scrounging up a smile. “I’m okay.”

A strong, steady hand settled on his shoulder, grounding him in the moment. “It is okay to not be.”

Jesse’s eyes widened, heart skipping a beat as Hanzo smiled at him. The kindness in his dark eyes promised a easy landing if he took the leap. Jesse turned away to look out of the glass door to the balcony at the city’s lights. 

“Join me for a cigarette on the balcony?”

Jesse glanced up reluctantly even as Hanzo’s fingers trailed off his shoulder. The stripes of heat quickly cooling and leaving him hollow.

“Ah.” Hanzo raised his hands and took a step back. “My apologies. I will give you space.” The banker gave him a warm smile but it didn’t fully reach his eyes.

Ice water splashed down Jesse’s back and soaked into his skin, watching mutely as Hanzo turned away. The man’s proud shoulders were just a little slumped as he joined Genji and Mabel in rapid conversation.

He hadn’t wanted Hanzo to leave. He just couldn’t open pandora’s box yet.

 _Fuck me,_ Jesse breathed heavily out and pushed to his feet. He couldn’t let it end like this, couldn’t live with the thorn of guilt in his side. He couldn’t continue to withdraw, not when Mabel needed him. When they both needed Hanzo’s support.

Sidling over to the little group, he stepped to Hanzo’s side, arms bumping together. Ignoring the way his stomach dropped like going on a carnival ride, Jesse pushed the boundary between them. He slung his arm around Hanzo’s shoulders lightly, just friendly he told himself. His fingertips dangled over the smaller man’s right breast, not quite touching.

Muscles rippled under his arm as Hanzo shifted to lean just a sliver of his weight against him. The firm, solid warmth of the man radiated through their thin shirts. Each breath Hanzo took pressed them a little closer together.

“How ‘bout that smoke, pardner?” Jesse chuckled, hyper aware of the way the younger siblings were staring at them. The bravado helping overcome his anxiety.

“Smokin’ is gross,” Mabel pointed out, sticking her nose in the air.

“And bad for you,” Genji quickly piled on. “You should give up such habits and find another outlet for your oral fixation--”

A squawk of indignation cut off the salacious comment as Hanzo shoved his brother off his perch on the loveseat’s arm. 

“Perhaps you should mind your own mouth first,” Hanzo snapped, standing over his brother’s sprawled out body.

Jesse could only whistle softly at the view even if he missed the presence under his wing already. Hanzo’s hands on his hips and a regal cant to his head, lightning practically crackled around him.

“Asshole,” Genji growled as he rose to his feet, the sound undercut with a laugh.

Jesse saw the look of pure mischief too late to warn Hanzo as the younger Shimada swiped a pillow from the floor and smashed it into Hanzo’s knees.

The man went down with a grunt of surprise, half tripping over a discarded blanket and stumbling right into Jesse. The solid weight knocked him a half step back, and he barely got his arms under Hanzo’s in time to stop them both from ending up on the rug.

“Pillowfight!” Mabel shrieked, a second before Genji got a faceful of stuffing.

He rolled back to the floor with the impact and turned it into a somersault. “Oh, it is on!”

“Mabel!” Jesse tried to stop the impending explosion, but it was too late. The two younger siblings were engaged in full-out war, and Jesse’s arms were still occupied with holding Hanzo close.

It startled him, how right it felt. Hanzo was just the right size to fit against him from ankle to chin, ponytail tickling his throat. “Sorry, sweetheart.” He reluctantly let Hanzo free. Cold air rushed in to fill the space, and the fluttering warmth in Jesse’s belly calmed. 

“Let them have their fun,” Hanzo chuckled, and shrugged.

“Saying you don’t like a good ol’fashioned pillowfight?” Jesse teased, somehow keeping his hands from sliding onto Hanzo’s hips. 

“I did not say that,” Hanzo’s smile lit up his face like a christmas tree. “I merely abstain for the health of all involved.”

“Sounds like a challenge to me.” Jesse flexed, raising both of his arms to show the thick muscle straining against his shirt. “But I come prepared with two guns.”

“Oh yes, assault rifles at that.” Hanzo’s eyes lit up trails of fire in Jesse as they explored his offering. “I am sure you have a permit for such artillery?”

“Don’t need one, this is America.” A smirk twitched in the corners of Jesse’s mouth and he turned to show off his back, loving the way Hanzo was drinking him in. Like he was a pillar of strength and power, a predator instead of a weak damaged boy in need of a father figure.

The step of firm fingertips over his neck and shoulder sent shivers down his spine. Hanzo’s appreciation obvious in the way his touch lingered on the swell of muscle.

“Very impressive.” The words rumbled against the shell of his ear, heating the skin further. “I’d love a demonstration sometime of this American tradition.”

“Oh I’ll take you to the gunshow,” Jesse laughed, turning to face the man with an easy smile. “Want to feel?”

The flush suddenly rising on Hanzo’s neck gave his answer for him and Jesse offered his arm. Giddy like he was sixteen again, he basked in the brush of Hanzo’s hands along his bicep. A soft tickling rasp of calluses had him squirming in his holey socks as the man’s fingers teased the edge of his shirt sleeve higher.

Hanzo’s hand cupped his tricep as he pulled Jesse closer. Their chests bumped, shockwaves zipping down Jesse’s spine. Heat pooled between them, clinging like statice in the air and all Jesse could do was smile down at the shorter man.

“Like what you see?” He murmured after a long moment, unable to look away. His free hand cautiously settled in the perfect dip of Hanzo’s waist. It burned against his palm, hard under the thin band t-shirt. 

Jesse knew Hanzo’s skin would be like velvet, so soft and sweet over bands of steel. The sting of his bottom lip as he bit down only fanned the flame inside him as he brushed his thumb tentatively along Hanzo’s rib.

“I would enjoy a closer inspection.” Hanzo’s breath was warm on his jaw, sweet from the sugary drink and Jesse wanted to overdose on it. Even if just for the night, he wanted to forget their stations in life.

“Maybe sometime,” Jesse crooned, lowering his head ever so slightly, “I’ll give you a private show.”

“I’ll buy a ticket right now,” Hanzo chuckled, a single finger trailing over Jesse’s chest.

The touch electric, lighting up hidden corners of Jesse’s being. He covered Hanzo’s hand gently, pressing it flat on his sternum. The banker’s callused fingertips stroked teasingly at the chest hair peeking above jesse’s collar.

“I’ll give you VIP seats.” Jesse couldn’t help the dorky smile pushing his cheeks up. 

“I am sure you are quite the performer.” Hanzo smirked like a devil, all teeth and invitation.


	8. Indecent Proposals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Tevokkia for editing this chapter and cleaning up my messy sentence structure! and a huge thank you to Fujo and Felix for sponsoring this chapter with their Patreon.com/batkatbrown rewards! Seriously, I can not thank you enough for supporting me on patreon, it helps me stay motivated and excited to write for you guys <3

Hanzo rolled his weight to the balls of his feet, heels leaving the ground just a hair’s width. Jesse’s warm brown eyes were hypnotic, pulling him closer with every shallow breath. The night spiraled quickly out of his control, every corner of his brain screaming for him to step away -- but his blood was hot and his mouth aching.

The slow, measured stroke of Jesse’s thumb along Hanzo’s ribs made it hard to think. It was so strong and willing and he needed to feel Jesse’s lips on his own, his body dying to feel the large gentle fingers stroke over every inch.

A lazy smile reached into his chest and squeezed, little crinkles in the corner of Jesse’s eyes nearly his undoing. Hanzo couldn’t move, fingers frozen on the back of Jesse’s arms. Holding them together, chests only touching when their breath aligned.

“Jesse.” He tasted the word; smoke and earth. 

“Yeah, Darlin’?” Jesse tilted his head to the side, stray wisps of his bangs falling into his face. 

Hanzo didn’t know how to answer: what he had been meaning to ask with the simple plea of Jesse’s name? What was he doing? He tore his eyes away, gulping in fresh air. The longing to touch was almost too much.

The feeling burst, spiralling into embarrassment as he saw the two younger siblings standing by the armchair, pillows limp in their arms and twin wicked grins stretching their faces. His own face went scarlet faster than thought, and he wheeled away from his young companion.

“I see the fight is over.” The words came out raspy and Hanzo fought to clear his throat. “Next movie then?”

“I don’t know.” Genji’s cackle sent shudders down his spine. “Maybe you two need some time alone?”

“Hanzo and Jesse, sitting in a tree-” Mabel started, eyes sparkling with evil glee.

“K-I-S-S-” Genji joined her with a howl of amusement.

Hanzo covered his face with his hands, wanting to melt into the floor and disappear. And murder Genji. “I will kill you,” he muttered in Japanese, just earning another barking sound of amusement from his brother.

The musical, smokey smooth laugh from the man beside him helped sooth the sting of embarrassment away. “Shit, well.” Jesse ran his hand through his hair. “Guess we deserve that.”

Mabel giggled behind her hands before rushing to Jesse. Hanzo took another step away to give them room, preferring to fix his imp brother with a death glare. He would get his revenge once the McCrees left.

Genji stuck his tongue out and shrugged, immune to threats after all these years. The green haired man flashed a thumbs up with a nod to their guests behind Hanzo.

Heat simmered in Hanzo’s belly, rolling like a thunderstorm when he felt eyes on his back. Tucking a bit of hair behind his ear, he turned to face Jesse. “Shall we begin Howl’s Moving Castle?” 

A flurry of snack and drink grabbing, along with bathroom breaks and a fresh bowl of popcorn, saw Hanzo leaning against the arm of the couch with Jesse sitting next to them. Not quite touching, the heat vibrated between their knees. 

Mabel was curled up in Genji’s gifted space pizza cat blanket in the arm chair closest to the screen. Genji was trying to hide the shine from his phone behind his hand on the other side of the room with cherry pink ears.

Slowly the tension drained out of Hanzo: everyone was getting along and having a good time. The rich, smoky scent of the man next to him begged Hanzo to give himself over to the evening. 

As Sophie cleaned Howl’s Castle, scrubbing and sweeping away all the filth and dust, Hanzo’s eyelids were growing heavy. Shifting closer to the source of pleasing warmth, he pressed into Jesse’s side.

“Cold?” 

“Perhaps,” Hanzo chuckled before leaning past Jesse to get the blanket draped on the couch. Stretching his body out in a sensual line, his hips hovered over Jesse’s thighs for a moment. The air came out of the younger man’s mouth in a low gust. “I am sure this blanket will keep me warm enough, especially if you share it with me.”

“I was just thinking the same thing.” Jesse’s smile could have toasted him like a marshmallow in a bonfire. 

Hanzo dragged the blanket over both of their laps, his hand dipping along the curves of Jesse’s thighs till settling on his own. Their eyes stayed on the screen, watching the delicate romance unfurl between the Sophie and Howl, and sharing laughs at Calficer’s antics in peace.

 

-

 

Jesse fought down a yawn as he slid out of Hanzo’s passenger seat, the car’s engine purring like a live animal in the dingy parking lot outside their apartment. Mabel was asleep in the backseat, blanket wrapped tightly around her. Her hair had come undone, sticking out in crazy wisps and curls.

It made her look so young and it was hard to breath. Peaceful, sleepy sounds somewhere between snores and sighs made Jesse smile: it would be a shame to wake her, especially after all the exhausting fun of the movie night.

Jesse stooped to pull her out of the car, but froze at the strong hand on his shoulder. Glancing back, he was captured by Hanzo’s tender smile. Just the slightest bit of wistfulness lingered in his brown eyes.

“Let me, it was her request.”

Jesse glanced back to the sleeping girl, a flicker of apprehension low in his gut. He pushed it down, not wanting to think the worst of Hanzo. Not when there was no reason to suspect his motives.

“Go ahead, she’ll be tickled pink in the morning,” Jesse murmured and stepped aside. 

The knot loosened and fell away as Hanzo crouched to ease the girl into his arms in a princess lift. She instinctually cuddled close, tucking her head under Hanzo’s chin. 

A stray curl sprang up and Hanzo’s eyes went wide as it tickled right under his nose. His brows drew together and mouth screwed up, and Jesse jumped to push the hair out of the way. The man teetered on the edge of a sneeze, one eye squinted as he focused on suppressing it.

Jesse clamped a hand over his mouth to keep from howling as he watched Hanzo fight the sneeze down by degrees, eyes slowly uncrossing before his face finally smoothed out. It was quick to curl in a grin instead, teeth flashing in the pink neon of the apartment sign.

“C’mon, let’s get her to bed.” Jesse kept his voice low, the bubbling warmth coming through in the whisper. The image of Hanzo carrying his little sister imprinted on his heart as he lead the way up the rickety staircase to the second floor. There was trash on the steps, littered cigarette butts and a empty  hypodermic needle, and slowly the reality of their situation returned to him.

It rested on his shoulders as he unlocked the door and held it open for Hanzo and Mabel. The girl was still blissfully asleep, snoring softly now. She would be upset to have missed the free ride up the stairs by someone that was quickly becoming a role model, but the deep rest would be worth it when she woke up energized and ready for school. 

He would be feeling their full weekend in the morning too. The construction job would take him downtown for another 12 hours of backbreaking labor and sweat. A dull ache formed between his shoulder blades at just the thought, already feeling the strain of muscles and the bruises from unlucky tumbles. 

“Where is her bedroom?” Hanzo murmured and Jesse flinched as the man looked around the apartment.

He did his best to keep it tidy, but compared to the apartment they had just left, it was absolute squalor. “Uh… this way. Sorry ‘bout the mess.” Jesse swallowed around the lump in his throat. The dingy paint on the walls seemed to suck all the light out of the room, and the carpet stains showed up in bleary streaks. The couch had a hole in the back from the previous owner’s dog, and bitterness rose in his mouth.

Jesse padded down the hall, Mabel’s drawings pinned up to hide cracks in the plaster. The door to the tiny bathroom was open, and he pleaded with anyone listening that Hanzo would not look inside: it was clean, but no amount of bleach could get out decades of stains and abuse.

“This is her room,” Jesse whispered, and opened the door on the end of the short hall. It was a cramped space, barely big enough for the twin bed and a tiny desk. Library books and origami dragons made out of graded homework littered it, along with one wilted plant. It needed more light than the deep-set window could provide.

Jesse crossed his arms, looking at the hole in his sock as Hanzo gently tucked Mabel into bed. She mumbled something and rolled over to burrow against a stuffed giraffe, worn thin. There were patches sewn on it’s neck and flank, and it’s tail tuft was falling out. 

They two adults slipped out of the room, closing the door softly behind them. The walk to the front door was quiet and Jesse’s heart was heavy in his stomach. 

“Jesse.” Hanzo’s voice was velvet in the dark. “Will you permit me to ask a personal question?”

Panic lurched from his feet to his fingertips, black anxiety rushing to fill the hollows inside him. “Sure.” His voice sounded far away, already braced for impact.

“Jesse.” The man looked up reluctantly, distantly feeling Hanzo’s hands gather his own. The shame burned icy hot on his cheeks and he refused to lift his gaze. “Where do you sleep?”

Jesse’s throat was tight. “What do you mean?”

“There is only one bedroom in this apartment…” Hanzo trailed off, leaving room for Jesse to speak if he wanted too.

The urge to run coiled like a whirlwind inside him, but he pushed it down. Hanzo deserved answers and Jesse had to believe he wouldn’t be judged for them. “Could only afford the one bedroom unit.” He scratched the half grown-in goatee on his chin. “And… she’s a young woman now, she needs privacy.”

Hanzo nodded and Jesse shivered at the slow, comforting stroke of the man’s thumb over the knuckles of his left hand.

“So, I sleep on the couch or on the floor most nights. Unless she gets nightmares -- then I sleep on the floor next to her bed.” So many nights, he had woken to the sound of screams and the taste of blood in his mouth, tiny fists pounding on his face and shoulders as his sister fought the past for a chance at the future.

It had been easier when they had been living out of a van. Back to back under old quilts, when they woke desperate and clawing for air, the other’s presence was a balm. They were a broken family but they had made it this far.

At first, Jesse didn’t realize Hanzo had started humming. It was a deep, sonorous note from his chest. Slowly padding through the scales as he crooned a lullaby in a foreign tongue, his voice rocked him as if they were dancing. 

Steady arms opened to hold him and he couldn’t fight the primal need to be safe. The shorter man had no trouble supporting his weight as Jesse opened the floodgates around his heart. The muddy waters burst free, and with a ragged gasp for air Jesse buried his face in the crook of Hanzo’s neck. 

Tears fell, fat and heavy down his nose to drip into the hollow of Hanzo’s collarbone. Soothing hands found a home in the wildness of his hair, and anchored reality in heavy bands of muscle cradling him close.

The world disappeared in the sweet citrus scent of sour patch kids and blue raspberry ramune, and a black band shirt that was too thin to keep the heat of Hanzo’s skin hidden. He chased that feeling, arms tightening around the shorter man’s waist. 

Something damp fell on the shell of his ear, sliding down to dangle on his earlobe. An unsteady breath brought their chests together tighter in a staccato beat, but Hanzo’s voice was a calm stream. Murmuring in Japanese, the meaning was lost on Jesse but he clung to the emotion in them. 

A song like a summer night chasing fireflies, or watching fireworks burst over still waters, or dancing in crowded streets under cherry blossoms and the nervous giggles of first kisses; the words eased him from the depths of the well inside him.

The last notes had him humming along, body loosening and muscles throbbing dully as each unclenched in time. Lightheaded, Jesse wobbled on his legs for a moment. His face was too hot and he wiped at the salty water with his sleeve.

“Sorry.” Jesse gulped down the shards of pain in his throat. “Just… don’t know where that came from. Caught me by surprise and I--” He blew out his cheeks and found his smile.

“Thank you for trusting me.” Hanzo’s hand was as cautious as his voice as it rested on Jesse’s face. He leaned into it, soaking up the coolness of his palm. “With your realness. And for letting me inside your home.”

“Not much of a home I know but…”

“Let me buy you a bed.”

“W-What?” Jesse stammered, straightening fully in surprise.

“A real bed, something you can stretch out in and get a good night’s rest.” The steady brown of Hanzo’s gaze held him still. 

“I can’t… it’s too big a gift Hanzo.” Jesse swallowed, mouth dry at the thought of a full sized mattress. All for himself to starfish, limbs thrown out and stretching for all his worth. “I ain’t ever going t’be able to pay you back for something like that.” Jesse sighed with longing even as Hanzo’s face fell. “Less you want me t’suck your cock or something?”

 

-

 

All the air in Hanzo’s lungs burned up in a flash, mouth parting in a silent  _ Oh _ of surprise as he stared at the man in his arms, those big, honey brown eyes ringed with wet lashes crinkling in the corners. The offer stung his ears, ringing through his body.

The image of Jesse on his knees, big mouth sloppy and welcoming around his cock, nose buried in the soft black curls around his base and large hands roaming over his thighs and ass as he thrust into that eager happy face with his fingers buried in Jesse’s wild shaggy hair...

Hanzo stepped back, breaking free of Jesse’s arms to take a calming breath. “Jesse,” he chastised, rubbing a hand over his face. “You are shameless.”

The younger man shrugged and his lascivious smile turned goofy and shy. “But...yeah, uh...” He rubbed the back of his neck, peeking up from under his lashes. A blush dusted his tanned cheeks, and Hanzo suddenly noticed the freckles scattered across Jesse’s nose, a scar slashed down his mouth on the left side. Faint and dull under the beautiful brown of his skin, it prickled the back of Hanzo’s mind. 

Jesse had secrets.

Perhaps all too similar to his own. 

Hanzo logged the bit of information away in favor of more pleasant topics. He would be sure to ask Jesse about it later, when his eyes were not red from tears still.

“I understand your reluctance, even if it does not changes my desire to see you sleep well.” 

“You wanna watch me sleep? Kinky.” Jesse chuckled, filling up the awkward silence. 

Hanzo covered his mouth to keep a laugh quiet. “You are a tease.” He tapped the taller man on the chest. 

“Maybe.” Jesse’s voice rasped at the end, rising sharply. “But … um… if you did want… you know… a bed would be nice.” Jesse lowered his eyes to the ground, the slightest tremor running down his body. “Mabel’s asleep and your car’s just outside…”

Hanzo’s heart plummeted into his stomach, revulsion coiling into his throat like a living thing. “Jesse.” He paused to draw in a calming breath, fighting to control the beast inside. It raged in his eyes, and he curled his hand into a fist in Jesse’s shirt. The room felt too small, the air sucked away.

“When I take your mouth, you will be begging for it,” Hanzo’s voice growled in his throat. “Not a cheap offer to buy affection or kindness from me,” he drew Jesse down and tilted his mouth to his ear. “But because you can’t stand being parted from me for a single second more.”

 


	9. A bitter Taste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Tevokkia for editing and helping me think through a few things for the future! <3 Thanks go out to my Patreon supporter Neko for using her monthly reward for part of this chapter. The other is my gift to you for all the wonderful comments and support this fic has gotten. <3
> 
> TW: Flashbacks of sexual abuse. section start marked with *** and ended with the same. our bby has been hurt bad before

Jesse whimpered into his hand, fighting down the needy broken sounds trying to push past his lips. Sweat trickled down his back, and the blanket was lava over his body. It muffled the sound of his feverish movements, quick hard strokes of his hand. The pleasure hovered just out of reach, tantalizing and terrifying with Hanzo’s face in his mind. 

The hard, dangerous look in the man’s eyes when he had rejected Jesse’s offer made his insides clench around a core of fire, fear and fascination two sides fo the same coin as he imagined Hanzo above him, hands fisted in his hair fucking his mouth. Burning him with streaks of sticky heat from the inside out.

In a bed that was his, just his, in an apartment with two rooms and no stains on the ceiling from leaks. He couldn’t take Hanzo’s kindness, could he? The thought of being wanted, desired, cared for was almost too much, heart thundering too fast and hard as he spiraled on a dangerous edge.

Jesse groaned, planting his face in the back of the couch. An ear always out for the squeak of the door down the hall, he tried to find release but it kept slipping out of his fingers. Hanzo sullying his finely carved mouth on Jesse’s own body brought him near but the thought shattered into pain.

*** [flashbacks of past sexual abuse. Skip to *** to avoid]]

It would hurt, when Hanzo took him. It always hurt to be forced open and thrust into till he was breaking. He shuddered, erection dying in his hand at the rise of memories. He tried to shake them off, struggling to bring the source of his agitation to his mind again. 

Squeezing Hanzo’s gorgeous pecs, mouthing them through his shirt and locking himself deep between his legs. The pleasing crush of Hanzo’s legs around his waist as he pushed deep.  _ He’ll want you face down, ass up. _ The thought made him skitter away.  _ He’ll say he’ll be gentle but you know they never are. _ He pushed at the fear, mind racing to logic it away.  _ It’ll hurt. _

The crash of memories froze him, just as it had when Hanzo had whispered in his ear, world shattering into primal fear and unable to speak. Helpless as Hanzo drew back in horror and mute as the man stumbled through an apology, Jesse had just watched him turn tail and flee.

A sound of frustration broke from his mouth and he threw himself onto his back, glaring at the water stained ceiling. The blanket slid off his overheated body and the cool air finished murdering what life his dick had left. He tucked it inside his boxers and tugged up his sweats. 

_ He was supposed to be safe. _ Jesse bit his lip, worrying the chapped skin. 

His ass clenched instinctively at the thought of Hanzo’s dominate nature, of the raw power and danger he’d seen in the man. He’d seen it in the faces of other men and felt it in their hands on his body, taking payment for the protection Deadlock gave him. The help to keep Mabel when the State was screaming at his door to take away the last of his family.

It had been an easy choice to join Deadlock.

Jesse threw himself to his feet, running from the memories and to the only place that helped. The whisky bottle was covered in dust, tucked away on the top of the fridge at the very back behind cereal boxes and old papers. It burned his hand and he almost dropped it. The void yawned wide in the thick fumes from the mouth of the bottle.

Tremors wracked him, forcing him in half and he gagged around the memories. Bile rising in a tide, he left the bottle on the counter in his scramble to the bathroom. Purifying himself with each heave, his body rejected everything that did not belong. 

***

The shower tile was cool on his face and the tight bathtub soothed the frayed edge of his nerve. It grounded him in reality, in his new life.  _ You’re safe now. You’re not powerless anymore. _ He could distantly hear the path back to himself and he took a step on it.  _ No one can take her away anymore. No one will hurt us again.  _

Crooning to himself, he found a peace in the little home he’d made for himself. The dingy apartment was their safe place. It was a hard won sanctuary and he wouldn’t let anymore break it down. The thought comforted him, wrapped him up and kissed him goodnight. He couldn’t find the energy to get out of the bathtub, curling up and letting himself drift off.

The night passed all too quickly in pleasant dreams of open fields and long horse rides through rolling pastures. Memories of home before the world shifted forever.

“Jesse?”

The voice startled him, the bathroom door half open, and he scrambled in the tub. Smacking his elbow on the tile sent spiders of shock up his arm, and he half fell back in his hurry to get up. “Shit, Mabel, what time is it?” He dragged himself to his feet, frantically looking for a watch.

“After nine.” She wiped her eyes on her sleeves with a yawn. “I missed the bus.”

“Shit, shit!” Jesse dove past her, rushing to grab his shirt from the night before. “C’mon, get dressed. Maybe we can make it to the downtown junction.” He skidded to a stop at the couch, grabbing his phone. His heart sank immediately. It was a quarter past nine: the city bus stop closest to their house had already passed. 

“Can I stay home today?” Mabel appeared at his elbow, eyes hopeful.

Jesse wracked his brain, looking around as if a solution would appear from thin air. He was late for work. Mabel was late for school. “Do you trust Ms. Amari?” he gulped, a prickle of fear running down his spine.

“Yes.” Mabel straightened, chin rising. “She’s strict but nice.”

“Okay, get dressed and brush your teeth.” She gave him a scathing look and a blush raced down his face. He probably looked like shit. “I’ll see if she can watch you today.”

Mabel nodded her approval and disappeared to her room to make herself presentable. Jesse tried to do the same, splashing some water on his face and furiously scrubbing his teeth. He couldn’t get the taste of vomit out of his mouth but at least he didn’t smell like alcohol. He carefully put the untouched bottle back in it’s spot before Mabel could see it.

A bubble of pride rose in his chest. He had resisted the urge, even if only barely.

He stomped on some boots and ran down the walkway to Ms. Amari’s door. The war veteran was usually home during the day, and they had shared several meals and evenings together in the last few months. They had even had dinner with her daughter when she was home on leave from the air force. 

She opened on the second knock, shocking white hair perfectly braided to the side. Her clothing was old but expertly pressed, hanging neatly on her diminutive frame. The tattoo under her eye crinkled with her smile. “Jesse, how nice to see you.” Her good eye missed nothing as it swept him up and down. “I see you are having a rough morning. Would you like to come in?”

“Thank you, Ms. Amari.” He stepped into her apartment, breathing in the soothing cinnamon and nutmeg of freshly brewed tea. “I ain’t here for a social visit and I know it’s a lot to ask,” he began, trying to get it out in one breath and already trying to think of something to offer her in return, a pot of his chili she loved so much or taking out her trash to the communal dumpster or even taking her daughter out on a date.

“Take a breath.” Ms Amari cut him off with a flick of her hand, kindness carved into the grooves of her face. “Is everyone alright?”

He nodded. “Overslept and Mabel missed the bus and I’m late for work and I know it’s a big favor but--”

“I will drive you to work and watch Mabel, as long as she is prepared to help me carry groceries in.”

Jesse released a painful sound as the knot in his chest released. “Thank you, thank you so much Ms. Amari.” He fought back the impulse to hug her. “Mabel will be more than happy t’help.”

“I will have the car pulled up in fifteen, please prepare yourselves.” She patted him on the arm and he was off like a horse at the tracks. Dashing back to his apartment, he got Mabel’s hair braided back from her face and tied up. She packed her bag with her school books while he made a phone call to the school to tell them Mabel was sick and ask to get her homework forwarded to his phone. He packed a lunch for himself and changed into clean underwear and work clothes. He even managed to tame his hair a little before they were thundering down the steps.

Ms Amari’s little sedan had seen better days, but it was clean and comfortable. Jesse tucked his legs in while Mabel piled in the back seat, breathless but smiling.

“Thank you Ms. Amari!” they chorused together, and Jesse laughed. The manners their mama had drilled into them still lived on strong. Warmth pooled in his chest as his neighbor chuckled along, murmuring something in her mother tongue with a grin.

“It is alright, we can help each other.” She winked back at Mabel before they pulled out of the parking lot. “I am not as strong as I used to be and climbing the stairs with groceries makes my left knee ache.”

“I'm happy to help!” Mabel leaned forward, smile bright. “I mean anytime, not just for the ride. I want to get stronger, like Fareeha!”

“What are neighbors for, if not to help each other in times of struggle?” Ms. Amari took a left, careful of the light traffic. “Do you wish to be a raptor pilot some day, Ms. McCree?”

“Maybe! I wanna be able to protect people.” Mabel flexed her woefully skinny arm. “And she is always talking about training in her sparring videos.”

“Ah, you watch my daughter’s YouTube page?” Ms Amari tilted the rear view mirror to see the young McCree.

“Her self defense lessons are fun to watch and try.”

“I will have to have her give you a personal lesson. It is good for a young woman to be able to protect herself.”

“Really?”

Jesse relaxed as a weight fell from his shoulders, letting the two ladies talk while he watched the city ooze by. The slow drive calmed his heart, and he was able to hum along to the soft radio playing. He trusted Ms. Amari to care for his sister, and the bright spot of hope in his chest whispered of rare evenings to himself.

A brief kiss at Mabel’s temple and he was soon running through the construction lot to begin his day. The foreman was understanding, and he only received some good natured ribbing and teasing for a late morning.

He had left his phone with Mabel, so she could do her homework without much thought.

 

\--

 

Hanzo was hungover. His head throbbed every time he looked at his computer screen, and the spreadsheets bled together. The plum wine sitting in his stomach seemed to curdle the rice and miso he’d eaten for breakfast before calling Genji to take him to work.

“You want me to go get you some aspirin?” the younger Shimada asked, lounging in the doorway looking fresh and clean as a newly minted coin. “Or you gonna tell me why you came home and pounded down a six hundred dollar bottle of wine and half a jug of sake, and ate pizza on the kitchen floor?”

“Go away,” Hanzo muttered, putting his head down on his crossed arms. He tried not to think about Jesse, but his face was imprinted on the inside of his eyelids: wide with terror, all the color leaving his face in a rush until he was staring up at a ghost. Jesse’s gaze went far away, a thousand yards through the dingy wall as nightmares swallowed him whole.

He had made his apologies for his forwardness and left with guilt burning him alive. He should have been gentle, tender and cautious with the younger man, as he had been until now. He’d been so careful to not scare him off, and one moment of passion had doubtlessly undone all his work.

He cursed his pride and his temper and the way taking charge had sent rivers of lava down his veins. 

“Told you to be careful, brother,” Genji sighed as he sank into the chair in the corner of the office. “What did you do?”

Hanzo grumbled but raised his head, bags carved under his eyes with crude strokes. “He offered to… pleasure me in exchange for a mattress.”

“Oh.” Genji’s expression shifted instantly, the mockery leaving his face. “And he wasn’t joking this time?”

“No.” Hanzo could still see the shivering in Jesse’s limbs as he had offered his mouth in exchange for a place to rest. “He was shaking, Genji. The thought was… I should have known, how did i not foresee this?”

They sat in silence for a long moment, Hanzo turning it over and over in his sluggish mind. It seemed clear now, the realities of Jesse’s poverty and strength of will. To endure so much for the sake of his family, to keep Mabel safe and fed at the risk of his own well-being. It made sense now: from the beginning, Jesse had expected to pay with his body for the kindness Hanzo was willing to give away for free.

He wished he could speak with his mother and put his head on her shoulder. She had always understood the complexities of his heart when their father had only shook his head in displeasure. She would know how to reach out to the younger man and find the stepping stones to communication.

“I miss Mother,” Hanzo’s voice nearly cracked around the word.

“Me too.” Genji’s voice was small and young despite their years. “Are you going to return to Japan like the elders requested?”

The invitation sat in the bottom drawer of his desk, unanswered all these weeks. He had no desire to return to a familial home filled only with ghosts. “I am not sure I have a choice.” Hanzo rested his head in his hands, hair falling messily around him. “The elders have made it clear my presence is required, even if my service is not.”

Genji hummed in response, and a warm hand fell to Hanzo’s shoulder. “It will be okay, brother.” Hanzo let himself be pulled into a hug, miserable enough to forget his pride. He was glad the blinds in his office were shut, and allowed a shuddering breath to carry away some of the darkness. Genji stroked his hair comfortingly, murmuring in their mother tongue and making him smile at memories of better times.

The day was easier after that, and he turned himself back to his work, ignoring the burning itch in his fingers to text Jesse. It was too soon. Jesse would not want to hear from him.

Hanzo left earlier than normal, blaming a migraine as he slipped away. The cab driver was thankfully quiet, and he was soon passed out in bed, one shoe still on as his foot dangled off the edge of the cali king.

He tossed and turned in his dreams, blood soaked memories bubbling to the surface and bitter in his mouth. He struggled against them, tossed on an ocean’s wave, the emptiness of the bed a void in the dark.

He woke with a start, blindly grabbing at his phone on the pillow next to him. The ringing vibrated in his teeth and he quickly muted it. A call from his brother could wait. If it was serious, he’d text anyway.

The red of a notification caught his eye and his mouth ran dry. A text from Jesse sat quietly in his chat, daring him to open it.

He braced for the worst, coaching himself into a state of calm. Things were not necessarily over between them: they were both adults, they could talk about what happened. Have a discussion about boundaries and start again.

[hi, this is Mabel.]

Hanzo frowned at the screen, slowly sitting up. A knot formed in his stomach. [Hello, Mabel. Are you alright?] He glanced at the time, frowning that it was already late in the evening. He went to the window, looking over a city bathed in cool lavenders and blues.

[I’m okay. Staying with ms Amari.] Hanzo let the curtains fall shut, fighting down the anxiety growing inside him. He waited for her to continue, assuming she had to have a reason for texting.

The minutes stretched out and no message came. He chewed the inside of his cheek, beginning to pace back and forth. [Are you sure you are well, Mabel?]

[Jesse was acting weird this morning.]

_ Ah, _ Hanzo swallowed, a flush of shame rising in his cheeks. [I am afraid I am the cause. I acted thoughtlessly last night.] There was no need for her to know the circumstances.

[Okay] 

Hanzo fought down a rising tide of dread as a little bubble with three terrifying doubts appeared. They wavered on the screen for what could have been hours, each heartbeat a thunderous roar in Hanzo’s ears.

They suddenly stopped and he was left staring blankly at the screen. Unsure what he could say, what was appropriate or if he should retreat into silence.

The phone was halfway to the nightstand when it buzzed. His hand froze, willing himself to look and face whatever consequences had come.

[... I had fun with the movies. Can we do that again sometime?]

Hanzo blinked at the screen, shoulders slowly relaxing. [If your brother is willing, we can have another movie night]

Slowly relaxing, Hanzo went to the kitchen to start dinner for himself. He continued texting with Mabel occasionally, finding out she had spent the day having fun with a neighbor and learned how to make hummus, watched a documentary about the Omnic Crisis, and gotten to see Ms. Amari’s sniper rifle. To her frustration, Ms. Amari didn’t let her hold it.

Hanzo was just sitting down to enjoy a thick burger when his phone lit up with a call from Mabel, and he couldn’t help but smile as he answered. “Mabel, you can’t hold a weapon. Not until you have safety training--”

“Hey.”

Jesse’s thick voice cut him off and the playful tease shriveled on his tongue. 

“Hello, Jesse.” he fought to keep his voice steady. “I hope you are well this evening.”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

Hanzo closed his eyes with a deep breath. “I am sorry for… how I behaved last night. It was unacceptable.”

Silence clung to the airwaves, just the breathing of two men struggling with their words.


	10. Swingset Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Tevokkia for editing this! <3 and for Fujo and Felix from my Patreon.com/batkatbrown for sponsoring this chapter with their monthly reward

Jesse rolled a bummed cigarette back and forth between his fingers, blowing the smoke out to the parking lot. His body ached from the abuse of running a jackhammer for hours under the autumn sun, and concrete dust still covered his jeans and the insides his lungs. Burning it away with the heat between his lips, he soothed his nerves.

Hanzo’s apology echoed in his ear, dripping into his brain. It was like a caress, a balm on his sun kissed skin. He sighed out another gust of smoke, watching it disappear in the breeze. “You surprised me.”

“I lost control of myself. I… fear I have been too careless of your spirit, Jesse.”

“Hmm, didn’t mean t’offend ya with my dumb mouth.” Jesse winced at his own phrasing and the muscles in his neck threatened to snap as he tensed more.

“I was not… offended.” Hanzo’s voice was golden like sunlight. “I wanted to make my intentions towards you clear and in my passion, I... “

Jesse’s heart fluttered, batting at his ribs like butterfly wings. “You really mean it, then?” He didn’t dare to put it into words. He was allowed to say ‘No’ to Hanzo, if he wanted. Every time he’d joked about repaying his benefactor, he’d been gently rebuffed. He wanted to trust that feeling in his chest, even if it terrified him, fear and fascination turning over and over in his heart.

“I… yes, Jesse. I will never use your body in exchange for kindness.”

Jesse nodded, eyes closed and breathing deeply in the fiery night. His tongue was thick in his mouth, heavy and numb. He swallowed, trying to find words. A way to try to tell Hanzo what had happened and why he had frozen.

He wanted Hanzo to know the truth about him.

 _Would he still care, if he knew what you’ve done?_ Jesse chewed his bottom lip before taking a long drag. _He’ll still want to fuck you. He wants you._

“I will… remove myself from your life, if you wish.”

The words hung in the air, crackling with the buzz of the outdated electrical wiring in the old apartment complex. The pounding of Jesse’s heart was almost unbearable. A deep ache bloomed in his chest and he strained towards the slim chance of happiness.

“Hanzo.” His voice scratched and he had to cough into his hand to clear his throat. “You know the park, on Bellview?”

A moment of confused silence met his question and the faint tapping of fingers putting in a google search filled the line. Jesse closed his eyes and leaned against the cold concrete wall. Mabel was spending the evening with Ms. Amari, safe and happy and eager to win the affection of the older woman and her daughter.

“Ah, yes, I know of the park.” A hopeful tilt to the deep rumble reached into Jesse’s chest and squeezed, ever so gently. “The non-squeaky swings, if I remember correctly.”

“Can you meet me there in twenty?” Jesse slowly dragged himself to his feet, swaying as his legs threatened to give. The day had caught up to him. He had to lean against the doorway before stumbling to his boots. Luckily, the park was within jogging distance.

“I will be there.”

 

\--

 

Sweat beaded on Hanzo’s forehead despite the chill of autumn settling over the city. He wiped it away on the back of his arm at a red light, the engine’s roar deep enough to rattle his bones. He punched the gas as soon as the light changed, charging down the street and onto the highway where he could open her up.

The wind buffeted uselessly on the heavy muscle car. Mist fell against the windshield and was quickly wiped away, the silence filled with nothing but the engine and Hanzo’s storming thoughts. He couldn’t lose the worry no matter how fast he drove.

The road melted away as he strove to calm his thoughts. He couldn’t rush in again. He had to be composed, put together. His fingers shook on the gearshift. It had been years since he had faced something that made his stomach twist so hard.

There had been blood on his hands and a knife stuck through his shoulder. He rubbed the spot absently. The scar was still raised, even if it had been tattooed the same blue as the rest of his arm. It would not stand to let the Shimada’s image be ruined by a white slash.

It was cold by the time he pulled into the parking lot, by the swings. The moon hovered behind a thick veil of clouds and the wind stirred the trees.

Hanzo sank back into the seat, just letting his eyes adjust in the turned off car. The hairs stood up on the back of his neck. At another time, he would have suspected a trap, an assassination attempt. His hand fell to the knife below the steering wheel. He would feel better with a weapon, despite all the rational knowledge to the contrary.

It fit perfectly in his leather jacket’s pocket, a comforting presence. He left the car with a sigh, raising his face into the chilly autumn wind. Droplets of condensation formed on his bangs. The ribbon in his hair rustled as he walked across manicured grass to the swings.

Heavy boots crunched on the wood chips as he settled into the damp rubber seat. It bit into his hips and he had to adjust to fit his shoulders between the chains. Dim light from a lamp made the plastic play equipment in front of him shiny and slick in the mist, like it was new again.

He waited, fingers laced together, and restlessly pushed against the ground, swaying back and forth without letting his feet leave the hollowed dip below the swing.

Memories flooded back as he lightly rested his head against the chain. Genji was laughing and screaming with delight as their father pushed him higher and higher on the swing. Hanzo busied himself collecting bugs for his little terrarium kit with his mother. They had giggled and shared their excitement over a fat, happy caterpillar. It had changed to shrieks and running when a little green snake wove out of the grass near them.

The bodyguards were faded in the happy moment, far back in Hanzo’s mind. There had been times when he had forgotten who and what he was back then, just as he did now.

He would have to return to Japan, to Hanamura and the castle soon. There was no avoiding it, and the plane tickets had been delivered to his home with a dangerously polite letter. The elders wished to see him and Genji.

It had been over a year since he had stepped foot in his homeland. He missed it and the familiarity of walking in a crowd all speaking his own language, but it was a dangerous place for the Shimada brothers.

 _Jesse and Mabel would love it,_ he mused, eyes scanning the park.

It was too dangerous to think of things like that, too, of domestic bliss and family. He strove to push the dreams away in case this was the end. If this was goodbye.

“Howdy, Pardner.”

Hanzo chuckled at the deep, rich cadence of Jesse’s voice behind him. “Greetings, Cowboy.” He couldn’t keep the mirth out of his voice as he saw the cowboy hat jammed low on Jesse’s head. The younger man’s face was in shadow, but the flash of teeth showed a smile.

A nervous smile.

“Thanks for….” Jesse trailed off as he took up the swing next to Hanzo.

His chest felt tight and he turned to look forward. “It is I who should be thankful--” he started and then sighed, rigid posture crumpling. “I was worried you wouldn’t come.”

“Nah.”

Hanzo’s mouth quirked but he couldn’t bring himself to continue.

The silence began to pull out, precariously thin. He needed to get control of the situation. _He is not something to control._ He swallowed, heartbeat suddenly loud in his ears. He knotted his hands together, chain biting into the crooks of his elbows.

“I… have not always been a good person, Jesse.” He began slowly, working each syllable past the knot in his throat. “I have been lost to anger and pain. It shaped me into something… I do not wish to be anymore. When I… made my intentions with you clear, I was acting out of frustration. At being reminded that I was the type of person to use others carelessly.”

He couldn’t look at Jesse, focusing on his breathing, on the soft hiss of mist kissing leaves, the scruff of boots against the ground. “You do not have to tell me what happened to you, Jesse. I do not need any justification or explanation.” He took a deep, slow breath. It hurt his lungs, burning against the chill of fear. “But if you wish to talk, I am here to listen. If there is anything I can do to help, even if what you need is for me to leave and not contact you again, I am willing.”

 

-

 

Jesse bit his lip, the pain grounding him. The thunder of his heart made him dizzy, stomach lurching. He chewed his words, one at a time. “I… I did things. Bad things. To keep Mabel from the state and to keep us fed. I was just seventeen and I didn’t have no skills back then. Just my pop’s gun and a mouth full of blood.”

The mist was cool on his cheeks, hiding the flush of shame rising in them. He scuffed one foot against the other in the bare dirt. His throat was tight. The world wavered as tears threatened to overflow.

“I am listening.”

Jesse nodded, heart too big for his chest. It hurt, and he clutched a fist over it unconsciously, bewildered by the path his mouth was laying out. “I don’t know why I’m tellin’ ya this,” he chuckled, taking some comfort in the taste of the sound. “But I figure you deserve t’know at least a little bit. I ain’t proud of how I froze up on ya, I should have at least found a way t’my words.”

“If you wish to tell me, I am here.” Hanzo’s voice lured his gaze away from the ground. A tender smile warmed Hanzo’s regal face and the fine hairs around his face glittered with tiny flecks of mist. “Though, I too know what it is like to be suddenly overwhelmed by the past…”

“Really?” A frown of disbelief scrunched Jesse’s brows together.

“I was part of … a gang is the kindest word for it. I have done things that haunt me and I have woken covered in sweat with a scream on my lips.” Hanzo tugged open his jacket and pulled the neck of his shirt down. A faded silver scar cut across his right collarbone and chest before disappearing. “I have slept in a closet, when the nightmares are too strong.”

The night air was pleasant on Jesse’s face as he slowly straightened his legs. It pushed him back on the swing. His heels dug into the hardened earth, keeping him at the angle. “I got this one, when I was nineteen.” He managed to get his denim jacket hauled up, shirt with it. Between his ribs and hip bone, a raised starburst decorated his brown skin.

“You were shot.”

There was no judgement in the statement and something wound tight around Jesse’s heart slowly released. “Yeah, real doozy, wasn’t the one starting trouble that time though. Just tryin’ t’get away from it. Had it dug out by a gang medic, no anesthesia. Hurt like a bitch. ”

“Trouble has a way of finding troublemakers like us.” Hanzo nodded and they shared a brief smile. “Genji was almost killed, when he was eight and I was twelve, in retaliation for something our father did. Gangs do not care for the lives of children more than adults.”

A weighted silence hung between them, just the rustle of chains as both men slowly swung back and forth. The pain in Jesse chest was bearable now, something sharp and vibrant and very much alive. Hanzo could understand. Jesse never considered Hanzo might have been lying to him.

He’d never told anyone why he had left Deadlock. The very thought made his guts churn but if anyone would know - even confirm he’d done the right thing - it was Hanzo.

“I...did things in Deadlock I ain’t proud of, but… what I let happen was… is… “ he took a deep breath, focusing on the stretch in his legs as he swayed in a small circle in the swing.

“Do not force yourself--”

“I want to do this,” Jesse broke in, cutting his teeth on the words. They were all bubbling up in a rush, hot and shameful like the tears on his cheeks. “I sucked cock and took it in the ass and let them do- do what they wanted. It was worth it to keep Mabel, and I would do it again to make sure she didn’t end up in foster care or in some fucking orphanage and it was just one year till I was eighteen and could take care of her for real and it was… it was easy to block it out when the rest of the time I had a gun in my hand. Sometimes drugs. Sometimes weapons. But it was all worth it -- every beating, and bloody night, and time on my knees -- because it was for her.”

A breath rattled in his chest and he twisted to face Hanzo. He was a blur through the tears.

“But then, one night, two of them showed up at our place. They wanted her. They wanted Mabel and I knew what they were gonna do to her: what they did to me. And everything was red and fire and death. I had to do it. _I had to_. Didn’t I?”

“Jesse.” Hanzo’s voice was fierce, a burning brand in the night air. “You did what was right. You defended your kin. You were so strong, to sacrifice for your sister.”

Jesse was drawn in, the air gone from his lungs, desperately needing to hear he had done good. Tears streamed down his face, plopping to his chest, and he couldn’t speak. Fissures raced across his body, threatening to break him down into a heap.

“Jesse, you are so brave. I am eternally sorry for frightening you. For… for reminding you of such things. Jesse?” Hanzo leaned into his field of vision, streaks of moisture gleaming in the dim moonlight.

“Y-yeah?” Jesse’s voice cracked and he struggled to clear it. A flicker of motion towards the ground made him look down. Hanzo’s hand hovered over his forearm.

“Thank you for sharing this with me. I understand if you wish for me to leave you and Mabel alone now. I have broken what was between us.” He half drew his hand away, and Jesse’s heart heaved hard enough to make him shudder. “I have reminded you of what was done to you because of my selfishness. I would still provide what I could for you and Mabel but you never have to see my face or feel my shadow darken your doorstep.”

Hanzo began to rise to his feet, the swing rattling as it swung free.

“No.” Jesse reached out, heart shuddering in his throat. “No… stay.”

 

-

 

Hanzo wanted to run, every nerve ending screaming to flee from the shame in his chest. Rage was there too, boiling until he burst apart. Every single member of Deadlock deserved to be hunted down and ripped inside out bit by bit. He could do it. He could find them and rain hell upon them.

It would not make it better. It could not bring Jesse healing or comfort. It would only serve his selfish desire for vengeance against a wound that was not his. If Jesse ever asked for his help, he would lend his bow to the fight.

The words tasted like copper in his mouth but he was prepared to honor them. He would leave and respect the boundary Jesse set. He desperately wanted to plead his case but he left the arguments where they lay.

Jesse’s words, even though his voice shook, held him as firmly as iron.

“As you wish.” He didn’t realize how weak his knees were until he folded into the swing, fighting down a relieved laugh.

“Now you’re grantin’ wishes?” Jesse waggled his brows in a way that made Hanzo’s pulse skip a beat. “But…thanks, for listening and… I get it if you ain’t interested in me anymore.”

Hanzo straightened and the swing stilled. His mind raced to fill in the gaps and he tread carefully. “Jesse, my respect for you has only grown. You have a warrior’s spirit and…” He let his hand fall from the chain, hanging in the cold night air. “I am quite taken with you, Jesse McCree.”

The chains groaned and Hanzo bit his lip, keeping his eyes straight ahead. He didn’t want to see rejection in the younger man’s eyes. The fear melted away as Jesse’s hand brushed against his. Skin cold from the night, just their pinkies touched for a long moment.

Hanzo curled his slightly, tracing the calluses along Jesse’s large hand. Sparks burst in his lungs and a smile broke over his face when Jesse returned the gesture. Letting the man take the lead, he waited with baited breath.

“I like you, Hanzo. If we can go… if whatever this is, can go slow...”

Hanzo’s heart leapt, fear and fascination two sides of the same coin. It tumbled over and over inside him as he waited for Jesse to finish.

Wind rustled the leaves and the swings beside them. Unspoken things moved between the two men, a reality of broken pasts and stained-glass futures that could crumble with ease.

“We can go at a glacier’s pace.” Hanzo looked at the cowboy hat crumpled and wet on the man’s head. A second chance heady and sweet in his brain. “You could even say, you hold the reins.”

“Shit,” Jesse laughed, curling forward in the swing. The sound was barking and loud in the quiet night, and Hanzo swore the ground shifted beneath him. It was nothing compared to the earthquake that rocked him as Jesse hesitantly entwined their fingers. A perfect fit, both strong and broad and roughened by hard use.

They didn’t let go, swinging gently with their feet just barely leaving the ground.


	11. Halloween Tricks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks goes out to Tevokkia as always for editing! And thank you, Kelsey, for using her Patreon reward to sponsor this chapter! <3

A fat raindrop splattered on Jesse’s cowboy hat, sliding to drip from the brim, and he looked up at the stormy sky. It was a mistake, as a drop smacked him right in the eye and he yelped. They both laughed, and Jesse squeezed Hanzo’s hand.

His cheeks hurt from smiling and he didn’t want to let go, even if it was starting to rain. Uncertain how to continue and yet, the bright spot in his chest bubbling with hope.

“We are getting wet.” Hanzo chuckled, eyes sparkling. “But I am loathe to part.”

“Me too,” Jesse laughed, kicking his feet to push himself into motion. They swung out of synch, connected by their solid grip. Cold drops splattered on their fingers in a playful beat before the heavens suddenly opened and a downpour began.

“Shit!” they exclaimed at once, laughing before they broke from the swings and raced for the shelter of the play equipment. Sliding under the cheap plastic roof, they squeezed together in the space.

Jesse closed his eyes, savoring the press of his shoulder against Hanzo’s for a moment. “Fucking shit.” He couldn’t help but put his head in his hands with a weak chuckle.

“Indeed.” Hanzo snorted, nose crinkling, and Jesse saw stars. He started to shift, grunting as he lifted his hips away from the wall. “Phone’s digging into my ass,” he offered in explanation, and Jesse moved his legs, curling slightly to make room. He slid his arm around Hanzo’s shoulders; a perfect fit..

Hanzo’s smile fell as he looked at it, an unread notification on screen, and he flicked it open. Jesse looked away to give him some privacy, watching the curtains of rain hammer the poor playground.

Hanzo gave a weary sigh, a worry line appearing between his eyebrows.

“Bad news?”

“Not entirely.” Hanzo tilted his head back, a solid weight against Jesse’s bicep. Strands of hair stuck to the man’s face from the rain and he suddenly looked young and uncertain. “My family requires my presence in Japan on November second.”

“Ah.” Things clicked into place and Jesse unconsciously pulled his companion tighter. “This wouldn’t be the… gang… family would it?”

“It is indeed. They wish for us to return and I can’t put it off any longer.” Hanzo sighed, turning his face to rest on Jesse’s shoulder. His legs stretched out now, the tips of his shoes getting soaked. “Genji and I will go for a week and hopefully return.”

Jesse chewed his lip, studying the world outside through the rain. He hadn’t considered that Hanzo was still active in the shadier bits of his past. Though he seemed smart enough to get away with it.  

“You think they’ll want t’activate you and Genji?”

“No, nothing so dire. I believe they will require a display of loyalty to the clan and a thorough report on my dealings in the states. Nothing dangerous. At least not in the way you are thinking. I make sure the business deals and loan applications they need go through and in return, they leave us alone. You and Mabel are not in any danger. Unless you have a fortune that needs to be invested in a Shimada-owned company.”

Jesse rolled his eyes at that but his heart calmed. “So white collar crime, the kind no one ever gets sent to jail or killed over.”

“Yes, though I am not active in that part of the family.” Hanzo’s voice held a tease. “I just enjoy a simple life as a banker, making dreams into possibilities.”

“Sounds like a sales pitch.”

“It is on my company-mandated business card.” Hanzo’s unabashedly amused smile woke the birds sleeping in the mossy hollow of his chest, heart buffeted by their soft wings. It crinkled the corners of his eyes and nudged his cheeks higher. There was nothing more beautiful.

“You dork.” Jesse cuffed him lightly on the thigh, their legs pressed together.

“I am, undeniably. You now know my shameful secret.”

“Uh-huh.” Jesse pulled his hat off and shook out his hair. “Hanzo Shimada, the dork. Next thing you know, you’ll be telling me you play scrabble every Thursday and never miss an episode of Jeopardy.”

The subtle way Hanzo stiffened caught Jesse’s attention. He zeroed in on it, leaning to get right in Hanzo’s face. “Don’t tell me it’s true.”

Hanzo tried to lean back but his shoulder hit the plastic wall. He averted his eyes, looking up and to the side but the smile didn’t waver. “Can I give my answer in the form of a question?”

“Nerd!” Jesse cackled and shoved the cowboy hat onto the man’s head. Crunching it down till it nearly covered his eyes, they shared a breathy laugh. Hanzo batted at it half-heartedly before just tipping it up with a finger.

“I’ll take, ‘What Makes Jesse Laugh,’ for two hundred.”

Jesse nearly lost it again, heady with the emotional relief. It wasn't hard to think of an easy answer. “Puns. I’m a sucker for puns. I’ll take ‘Things That Make Hanzo Relax,’ for two hundred.”

“Is it long baths in his massive jacuzzi tub?”

“Damn, I’m jealous.” Jesse flopped a few inches back to rest in the cramped corner. “I would kill for a real bath. Not even anything fancy. Just a bathtub big enough my knees aren’t pulled to my chest. With a few hours to enjoy it.”

“Candles and calming music, a tumbler of sake to sip,” Hanzo added on with a dreamy lilt to his voice.

“One of those poofy things on a stick to scrub your back,” Jesse was quick to add, reaching up to rub his tight shoulder. “Put one of those jets right here and let the tension just melt away.”

“You will have to come to the apartment sometime and indulge all your bath fantasies,” Hanzo chuckled, shifting to pull his jacket higher against the chill air.

“All my bath fantasies?” Jesse waggled his brows, letting himself imagine, just for a second, Hanzo in the water with him. Chest to chest, melting in the heat and weightlessness, they would share lazy kisses before Jesse would pull him up and--

“I fear you have a dirty mind.” Hanzo reached over and smooshed his cheek to wipe away the devilish grin. “I will have to scrub it. And other things. Another time.”

“I wouldn’t say no to someone scrubbing my back,” Jesse agreed. It was easy to believe it was possible, safe and secure in their little bubble of happiness. But life was waiting outside. “Lucky Ms. Amari could watch Mabel tonight… I’m glad we got to… talk about things.”

“As am I.” Hanzo’s hand rested over his, carefully gathering it. “I will have to send Ms. Amari flowers as a thank you from me.”

“Oh she’d love that, the potted ones if you do so she can add them to her little garden. Nice she’s just a few doors down, too.”

“She sounds interesting.”

“Oh she is.” Jesse perked up. “Retired Special Ops sniper, fought in the Omnic War and got a whole shelf of medals. And o’course, pictures of her daughter, star raptor pilot in the making.”

A puzzled look crossed Hanzo’s face. “If she is a national hero... why is she…?”

“Living in a shit hole?” Jesse snorted, his face scrunching. “Cuz veterans are treated like shit here. Ain’t right. She’s been there for longer than I have. Her place is better, got it before the neighborhood started t’go south.”

“Do you feel safe there?”

“Most of the time. Worry for Mabel more than me. I don’t like leaving her home alone for more than a few minutes.” Jesse sighed, letting his head loll back to rest on the wall. “She says she’s too old t’trick-or-treat this year but I think she still wants to. Tried to do it in the apartments last year but … and now it’s too late t’really make a costume or find a good one at a thrift store.”

“Let me get her a costume, anything she would like.” Hanzo’s voice bubbled with eagerness. “We could go to a haunted house, if she is too old to trick or treat. My ‘treat’ of course!”

“You like halloween that much?” Something warm gave in Jesse’s core, flooding him with light.

“I admit it is my favorite holiday. Genji and I make a tradition of dressing up and heading out to celebrate, normally a friend’s party or out to a themed bar. I have won“Best Costume” twice in a row at Sweet Peaches.”

“Shit, what did you wear?” Jesse leaned over at the now-proffered phone, Hanzo swiping quickly through the photos to show off a terrifyingly convincing-looking demon costume and then to a getup with a white wolf head. He whistled in appreciation, trying to memorize the shape of Hanzo’s chest from the demon one before the phone was pocketed.

“So if you and Mabel would like to join us for a family-friendly Halloween, we would be honored.”

 

-

 

Hanzo bounced on the balls of his feet, already mostly dressed for the night in a classic costume from three years before, one that was perfect for the little trio about to head out for the night. Genji refused to join their themed group, instead donning something suspiciously close to a Naruto cosplay.

“You look ridiculous.”

“You look like a loser,” Genji countered without looking up from his phone. “Angela’s going as a nurse. I bet it’s going to be so sexy.”

“Don’t talk that way when Mabel is over,” Hanzo huffed, going to check his appearance in the mirror by the entryway door. He was barely able to contain his excitement to get to share the night as he tested the spirit gum’s hold on the large fangs. It was a bit of an unexpected take on the character, but he was wanting to impress.

“What? C’mon, Angela is just going to hang out with us. I bet you’re hoping Jesse is looking sexy.” Genji came over to the mirror and gave Hanzo’s antler a teasing pull.

“He is not going to be in a sexy costume.” Hanzo rolled his eyes, but a part of him jumped at the idea. Jesse in a real cowboy getup, leather chaps and tight jeans with cowboy boots to make him tower.

The doorbell’s ding made them both jump and then laugh as Hanzo pulled the door open. “Greetings!”

“Haku!” Mabel threw her arms up in greeting, haunting face tilting up to them. The No Face mask shone eerily bright for a moment against the all-black outfit and cloak. Even her shoes were all black, and a plastic cauldron hung on her arm for candy collection.

“Your outfit came together wonderfully,” Hanzo stooped, getting a good look at the little No-Face. The mask had been loaned to her from Hanzo’s private collection, and the rest gathered together on a shopping trip to Goodwill.

Warmth rushed to fill Hanzo, and his cheeks hurt from the width of his smile as Mabel threw her arms around his neck. Her thin limbs crushed him and he told himself the wetness in his eyes was from pain as he looked up to Jesse.

“Howdy there, Mr Dragon.” Jesse’s voice held his smile as the man stepped into the apartment.

“Hold your breath in the doorway.” Hanzo started to stand and Mabel’s arms locked around his neck. He picked her up easily enough. “The jeans suit you.”

“Shucks, you’re gonna make me blush,” Jesse chuckled, smoothing the crafted white shirt with green strip. Salmon-colored jeans clung to his legs, and red sneakers completed the outfit. “Now you look mighty fine yourself.”

“Now it is my turn to blush,” Hanzo preened under the praise.

“Eeeeeeew!” Mabel wriggled out of his arms and ran over to coo over Genji’s ninja outfit.

It left the two men in a bubble of quiet, eyes cautiously roaming each other. Hanzo’s face heated and he smoothed the Haku costume, tugging at the edge just slightly. Jesse’s eyes sparkled and he stood tall and proud, shoulder back and chest out. The tight shirt highlighted the cut of his stomach and thick arms.

“Your hair is long enough for a ponytail,” Hanzo mused, surprised that Jesse would chose to wear it up in character.

“You like it?”

“Very much.”

“I like yours too, looks good down.”

A chuckle bubbled up in Hanzo’s chest, light and floating as Jesse hesitantly ran his fingers through the dark strands. He leaned into it with a sigh, eyes fluttering closed for a long moment. “Perhaps I will wear it down more often then.”

“I’d like that.” Jesse’s fingers dropped away with a laugh. “Thanks for doing this, for me and Mabel.”

“I’m glad to share it with you.”

They chatted and moved to the kitchen to drink and prepare for the night of walking. There were water bottles and snacks with protein for the adults. Genji not-so-subtly stashed a flask in his yukata with a set of shot bottles, and Angela showed up soon after in bloody green scrubs and a face mask with a tool belt of not-so-sterile-looking medical equipment.

For a moment, the group of men and child just stared at the woman before Mabel hollered in excitement, Genji fake screamed and Jesse cackled.

“Is it too much?” Angela stopped and looked down at herself, tucking a bit of her messy hair behind an ear.

“Angie, I thought you said nurse,” Genji pouted, going over to inspect her.

“He was sure it was going to be sexy,” Hanzo confided behind his hand to Jesse. They shared a look and burst out laughing again.

“She’s sure as hell a doctor and not a nurse.”

“And rather terrifying. She is much more friendly appearing at the hospital, I can assure you.”

“Mabel is not going to leave her alone once she finds out she’s a doctor for real.”

Hanzo’s cheeks hurt from smiling as he watched the young woman dart around Angela, her No-Face mask pushed out of her way. They were excitedly chattering about the surgical tools, and she was, of course, asking for the grisly horror stories all doctors seemed to have.

“Shall we go? The ‘Field of Screams’ tour starts soon.”

 

-

 

A shiver rolled down Jesse’s spine, stomach clenching hard around the stolen sips of whisky sloshing inside. The massive cornfield rustled in the chilly breeze, intercut with shrieks and screams of terrified adults and children alike.

“Sure you wanna do this, Mabel?” Jesse gulped, staring at a 15-foot-tall painted clown. The mouth yawned wide, forcing all who wished to enter to pass through it. Mabel looked uncertain for a moment before nodding, her mostly-black costume fading into the night except for the myriad of glow stick bracelets and necklaces.

“If you are scared, we need not go in.” Hanzo’s voice was pitched low and soft as the man crouched to Mabel’s level. “There is hot chocolate and carnival games in the barn we could play instead.”

“Can we play games after?” She looked between the two adult men, Genji and Angela flirting their way down the gravel path already. “Please?”

Hanzo glanced up to Jesse, who nodded.

“I am sure you will win a fantastic prize.”

Mabel giggled, clapping her hands before she took Jesse’s hand and then Hanzo’s as well. “Then c’mon! We don’t want to get separated!”

Stumbling after the little girl, the group soon rejoined Genji and Angela so that Hanzo could pay for their entry and get little flashlights for each of them. They fell in line with several other adults and children, waiting for the tour to start.

The guide was dressed as a clown, bloody and tormented but dedicated to safety. There were plenty of rules to follow about staying on the path and not littering, as well as the promise that none of the actors hidden in the maze to scare the participants would actually touch them.

Jesse had a hard time paying attention, eyes wandering back to Hanzo over Mabel’s head. His face was scrunched up with excitement, bouncing lightly on his toes.

“You really get into this stuff, don’tcha?”

“Ah.” The man flushed, ruddy in the moonlight and stopped his bobbing on the balls of his feet. “I… Yes, I used to be a bit of an _adrenaline_ junkie. I miss it sometimes.”

Jesse nodded, understanding without needing to hear. There were days he missed the rush of danger his old life had provided. This was a much safer way to get a thrill. He focused on Mabel through the corn field and the haunted house full of creepy dolls and puppets, never letting go of her hand no matter how she tried to pull away. He wasn’t going to let her go, not with so many strangers around.

Hanzo’s face slowly set as they moved through the night of terror, hand laced with Mabel’s own. It was not until a long clawed hand snaked out from behind a curtain to grab at her that Jesse needed to step in.

Every nerve screamed to strike but all he could do was be there when Mabel leapt back. He caught her gently, wrapping her up in a hug. “It’s okay, Mabel, I gotcha,” he had to half yell over the intense metal music mixed with a sound effects track. His sister was overwhelmed and he could only pick her up and tuck her head against his chest.

“I will lead the way.” Hanzo grabbed Jesse’s hand, making his heart flutter like a wild thing. Pulled ahead with firm steps, Jesse focused on soothing the little girl and making her smile, trusting that Hanzo would get them through the house and out into the open air.

It was a relief when they pushed past the rest of the group and stumbled into the grassy area near the barn. The next part of the tour was beginning with a haunted asylum themed house, but Hanzo took them to a few stacks of ornamental hay bales.

“That’s it, just breathe.” Hanzo’s voice soothed both McCrees’ nerves. A warm hand settled on Jesse’s shoulder, an anchor of peace. “You were very brave, Mabel.”

“You think so?” She pulled slightly away from Jesse’s chest and he had to stop himself from holding her tighter, his heart constricting with worry and pride all at once.

Hanzo nodded, his hand settled in his jacket pocket. “Very brave and I bet ready for some cocoa?”

“Yes, please!”

“I’d take a cup myself.” Jesse forced the words past the knot in his throat.

“Then let us go warm up.”

They were soon holding cups of steaming hot chocolate in the large, brightly lit barn amidst the sound of balloons being popped by darts and the rattle of rings tossed over milk bottles. The crowd was mostly parents and children Mabel’s age and younger. The smell of popcorn and cotton candy saturated the air.

The little trio wandered, looking at the different games and prizes. Mabel was in the lead with a thick stack of tickets in one hand, with Jesse and Hanzo ambling behind but within easy reach.

“Thank you, for this,” Jesse murmured, daring to reach out and bridge the gap between them. A shiver of delight coursed down his spine as their fingers touched, brushing but not quite committing. He wanted to capture Hanzo’s broad hand and hold it proudly but something held him back.

“You can thank me after I’ve won you a prize.” Hanzo’s eyes danced with mirth and nearly melted Jesse to the floor right there in the middle of the walkway. “So tell me, Mr. McCree-”

“I’m Mr. McCree now?”

Hanzo snorted, nose crinkling before Jesse yelped as he was nearly pushed off his feet.

“Easy there, you’re too strong t’be throwing your weight around like that.” Jesse balefully rubbed his shoulder where Hanzo had nudged him, burning hot as his cheeks while they ambled after Mabel.

She decided to take her chances with a bean bag toss game, handing over a few tickets with a very serious expression. “You can do it, sweetpea!” Jesse hollered over the noise, staying far enough back to let her work.

“So.” Hanzo shifted beside him and their shoulders brushed, joined down to the wrist. “What type of prizes does Mr. McCree enjoy?”

 


	12. Sweet Tooth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks goes out to Tevokkia for editing this and for Fujo and Felix sponsoring this chapter with their Patreon reward <3 Love all three of you and hope you enjoy this chapter!

Hanzo laughed at McCree’s splutter, leaning just a bit closer under the pretense of making it easier for Jesse to hear. “I will give you anything you desire: from the prize booths.”

The flush on the younger man’s cheeks as they crinkled into a laugh did his heart a world of good, and he quickly lead the way to the booth beside Mabel. She was focused on the clown cutouts, their eyes and mouths missing to make room for the beanbags.

Hanzo considered his own target, handing the worker a few tickets with a polite smile.

“Sure you wanna try your luck? These things are almost always rigged,” Jesse murmured into his ear, sending a delicious shiver down his spine.

“I will require one round to calibrate the actual weight of the bags. I will win you the largest stuffed animal you desire from the shelf on the second.” Hanzo cocked his hip to one side, bumping it lightly against Jesse’s. “Then you will pick a game to play, as we must all have fun on Halloween!”

Jesse had to look away to hide the width of his smile and the blush on his cheeks, uncertain how to respond as Hanzo started the game. The first few tosses went wide, thunking into the wood cutout and falling to the ground.

“All those muscles and can’t aim!” the worker crowed, hands on hips by the cutout.

Hanzo just chuckled and turned, flexing the powerful sinew of his back and arms. Biceps bulged through the fabric of his costume. “I will put them to good use soon enough.”

Heat charged down Jesse’s face and neck, filling his core with molten gold to bubble up to his skin in rosy hues. A sensual response was half to his lips before he remembered his sister just a few feet away.

Mabel’s tongue was sticking between her teeth, weighing the beanbag in her hand pensively. Steam practically came out her ears as her brain worked, switching to a different bag. “Ah… they are different!” she turned to show, the bags held up proudly.

Jesse extended his hands, letting her plop them down. They were slightly different, just an a couple ounces away from each other. “Good eye, what does that mean for their trajectory?”

“The heavier ones need to be thrown faster and aim higher.”

“Good girl.” He tossed the beanbags back to the little counter in front of the booth. “You’re gonna get the best stuffed animal here.”

She stoically nodded, face setting with resolve as she took another shot.

“I believe I have it now.” Hanzo chuckled the words, three tickets disappearing into the worker’s pocket before the full set of six beanbags returned. Hanzo took aim, and all six went through the smallest hole in the display, one after another without even touching the wood.

“Shit.” Jesse whistled, hands on his hips. “Damn good shot.” He couldn’t help but itch to show his own skill, though not with the same game. He scanned the barn full of activities while Hanzo took his prize voucher and Mabel handed over another set of tickets to play again.

The booth next to them was a shooting booth with a small plastic rifle and rows of moving ducks about eight feet away. It was no real target practice, or like shooting cans off the fence posts as a scrawny teenager, but it would be much the same he reckoned.

It took a few shots to figure out the trick to it, but Jesse was soon cashing in his voucher for a big six-shooter toy. He tucked it into the back of his jeans with a shimmy of his ass, just to watch Hanzo’s adam’s apple bob.

“Let’s try the darts!” Mabel broke him out of his thoughts, grabbing his hand and dragging him off into the fray.

\--

 

Two rounds of hot chocolate and several cotton candies later, the little group was happily cozied up in front of a large fire. Mabel held onto a massive stuffed shark proudly, nearly every single ticket was used up in the pursuit, but she had won it herself.

Hanzo smirked as Jesse twirled his own prize around his finger before faking a quick draw. His beautifully carved arm extended as he fanned the hammer. Hanzo’s eyes followed the movement, glued to it as the barrel was raised.

His gaze captured Jesse’s as the man blew imaginary smoke from the barrel. A flush burst over Hanzo’s face, turning him cranberry red so that he had to look away. Jesse’s laugh toasted his ear tips, and Hanzo shoved him playfully in the arm.

“We can still watch Hocus Pocus right?” Mabel twisted around in her position closer to the fire. “There’s still time?”

Her question saved Jesse as Hanzo politely stopped teasing him to smile at the youngster. “My home is open as late as you and Jesse would like. The guest bedrooms are also open to you, as always.”

“Sucks, figure we might have to take you up on that.” Jesse’s words were garbled through a yawn he tried to hide behind one hand. “Though if Genji and Angela don’t show up soon, I might just sleep on the haybale.”

“We’ve slept on worse,” Mabel chimed in with a smile, hugging her shark tighter. “She makes a good pillow too.”

Hanzo tried to fight down a sudden tightness in his throat, having to cough to find his voice. “I promise neither of you will sleep on the ground tonight.” It did prompt him to dig out his phone and text his brother that it was time to go.

[We ran into one of Angela’s work friends. They can give us a ride home.]

The drive back to Hanzo’s apartment went quickly, lost to singing along to songs in the vein of “Thriller” and “Monster Mash,” and the streets were thankfully open.

“I’ll get the movie going, please have a seat. Both of you.” Hanzo waved his guests absently to the couches, taking a moment to fetch a tray of drinks from the fridge. A glass of sake poured for himself, a caffeine-free soda for Jesse, and a small bottle of chocolate milk for Mabel.

Candy was already overflowing the bowl on the coffee table and he had no worries that they would soon be sick off the sugar. It was part of the holiday fun, after all. The movie was soon set to play, but before the opening credits were finished, he started to slip away.

“Everything okay?” Jesse’s question caught him off guard,and he fell into those chocolate brown eyes for a long moment.

“Ah.” He swallowed and wet his lips. “Yes, I am merely going to remove part of my costume before indulging in sticky sweets.” He ran his tongue over the sharp points of his fake canines pointedly, not missing the blush that rose to Jesse’s cheeks.

“Need any help?”

Hanzo’s mouth opened to brush aside the request, not wishing to bother the man, and then thought better of it. “Yes, please follow me to the bathroom.”

“I don’t wanna pause it,” Mabel complained, already bundled into a burrito in the armchair.

“Don’t worry about it.” Jesse waved her off, rising from the couch and Hanzo was suddenly very aware how much taller Jesse was, especially as Hanzo had removed his shoes at the entryway. He found himself enjoying having to tilt his chin just slightly up to face him.

“I can show you the bath, if you wish.”

“Oh god, now you’re really tempting me.”

Hanzo snorted, not able to resist a flicker of lust curling in his gut. What a sight Jesse would be, lounging in the steaming water surrounded by bubbles and glowing candles, face relaxed in utmost bliss as the jets worked away on his tired body. Hanzo would sit on the edge of the tub just trailing his fingers through the suds, accidentally brushing Jesse’s knee in the warm water.

Unfortunately, with a child in the apartment there would be no chance to indulge in his fantasies, and Hanzo did his best to leave them behind. “Come inside,” he murmured, gesturing Jesse into his bedroom. It was modestly decorated and clean but not cold.

“Damn, satin sheets?” Jesse whistled, trailing over to the bed and running his hand over the exposed fabric. “Shiiiiiiit, bet that feels fantastic.”

“It does.” Hanzo stepped to Jesse’s side, fighting down the urge to wrap his arms around the man from behind. Or teasingly sink his fangs into Jesse’s muscled neck and shoulder. His long nails could rake through his hair and tug his head to the side so easily. “I suggest we move to the bathroom, before we miss the movie.”

 

\--

 

“I’ve seen it dozen times.” Jesse shrugged, fascinated by the way the moonlight shimmered on the sheets. Cool to the touch, he longed to bury his face in it and sprawl out naked so every tired inch of him could be kissed by the fabric.

He pressed his hand into the mattress, moaning at how soft and welcoming it was. He wanted to flop down and pull up the covers and sleep for a week or so. Instead, he followed Hanzo into the bathroom to help remove some of his costume.

“Damn, kill for that tub.” The massive jacuzzi was inset into a marble slab, candles and small decorative bottles of soaps and scrubs lining the walls. He was so fixated on it that he didn’t notice Hanzo shedding his clothes.

The whisper of silk falling to the heated floors tugged his gaze away. The air burned out of his lungs in a rush, heart thudding half out of his chest. Knees weak, Jesse could only stare as Hanzo shrugged out of the yukata and hung it with care on the back of the door.

Tight black under-armour clung to every vicious curve and cut of his back, powerful shoulders rippling as he smoothed the fabric of his costume. Each little movement of his hips showed off the thick slab of muscle in his thighs and ass, barely covered in sinfully form-fitting yoga pants. Jesse’s body lurched into lust in a flash.

“Damn, now that’s a prize I didn’t earn,” he crooned, resting his hip against the wide sink counter. His hand bumped the headband with the antlers and he held onto it just to give his fist something to curl around.

Hanzo chuckled low and deep in his chest, a sonorous musical note that vibrated inside him. “You have refined tastes then.” The man slowly turned, obviously flexing and his smile flashed bright and toothy. “Would you like a closer look?”

“Boy howdy, I wouldn’t say no.”

He struggled to breath as Hanzo slowly approached, an easy confidence riding on his lips. Jesse couldn’t figure out what to do with his hands as Hanzo stood right in front of him, their chests almost brushing.

He had to look down, taking in the sultry curl of Hanzo’s mouth and the wicked twinkle in his eye. “I require assistance in the removal of my fangs.”

“Sure.” Jesse’s voice only caught a little, and he managed to swallow down the fire shimmering in his throat. “How?”

“Hmm.” Hanzo purred the sound, capturing Jesse’s free hand. It sent shivers up his arm, each rough patch of calluses scratching against his own. “Your fingers look more skilled than my own. Perhaps I can make use of them.”

Heat pooled in Jesse’s groin, molten and fiery as Hanzo slowly raised his captured hand. His eyes were transfixed as Hanzo’s lips parted, revealing the heavy fangs glistening in the bright light of the bathroom mirror.

Jesse’s fingers twitched in the steady grip, breath hitching as Hanzo brought his index finger against his bottom lip. It was so soft, giving under the rough patch of skin, and Jesse barely dared to stroke the swell of it.

His adam’s apple bounced in his throat and his breath shallowed as he brushed his finger along Hanzo’s mouth to the corner, nudging it up gently to inspect the base of the fang. Switching smoothly to his thumb, he soaked up every little sigh Hanzo gave as the heat strung out between them.

The fang was glued on and felt terrifyingly solid for a moment. It went straight to Jesse’s dick, straining the fabric of his jeans as he pushed the pad of his thumb into the sharp point. “Mighty big teeth you’ve got. All the better to eat me --”

He broke off with a hiss of breath as Hanzo’s tongue lapped at the digit, so hot and wet and soft. He bit back a groan, sliding his thumb lower till it fell from the fang all together, fixated on the welcoming expanse of Hanzo’s mouth and tongue as his finger was gently sucked deeper.

The scratch of the fang on his knuckle made him shiver, eyes squeezing shut for just a moment to savor the fantasies rushing through his mind. “You’re just… making it hard to concentrate, darlin’,” Jesse managed, voice rasping. “Can’t seem to think straight when you’re using your tongue like that.”

Hanzo raised an eyebrow at him before pulling back, and Jesse’s hand fell to his side. He instantly wished he had kept his dumb mouth shut and let Hanzo swirl his tongue around his finger for a few more minutes.

“Just be thankful I don’t bite.” Hanzo threw a wink his way before snapping his teeth playfully. The fangs flashed in the light before sinking into his plump bottom lip. “Though you look like you could be my next chew toy.”

“I’d hate for you to break your fancy teeth on me.” Jesse slapped his rock hard abs with a laugh. “Though I’d rather play with you. Sure there are some toys we could use and play some _tug_ of war.”

Hanzo snorted, wrinkling his nose, and then his face blanked, a flicker in his eyes hinting at something brewing before he guffawed. “Sounds like I am a real _hound_ but I am afraid I would make a terrible dog.”

“Aw c’mon, you’d make a great dog. Strong.” Jesse’s hands fell to Hanzo’s biceps. He squeezed the thick bricks of muscle. “Smart as a whip and great with kids.”

“Hmm, I suppose you make a fair argument. Though the toys I have are far more enjoyable.”

A thrill raced down Jesse’s spine and he watched Hanzo deftly remove both fangs with a little twist of his fingers. He set them in a tray by the sink and shook out his hair before leading the way out of the room.

Jesse followed wordlessly, eyes darting around the massive bedroom looking for a little toy chest or something darker. A flicker of worry quivered in his gut, afraid of just what crazy shit Hanzo might be into. Older guys with too much money tended to get bored with the simple stuff, right? And what was he really able to offer in that department other than a list of hard ‘nos’?

“Someday, perhaps we will have a play date. But for now, I am more interested in sharing the couch with you, and if you are agreeable,” Hanzo paused by the door, tilting his head to the side almost shyly. “I would like to hold your hand. If that would not be too much in front of Mabel.”

The anxiety melted as Hanzo slid into a pair of sweats and they rejoined Mabel in the living room. She was asleep already, head tucked almost entirely under the blanket wrapped around her. Soft, sleepy snores murmured beneath the croons of witches and wiley children.

“Should we turn the movie off?” Hanzo whispered, hand lightly settling on Jesse’s hip as if to pull him closer and yet not demanding.

Jesse soaked up the contact, eyes drifting closed. He couldn’t deny the ache in his very bones to have more of the casual, easy touch. It just felt right and the fear of intimacy faded further into the background.

“She’ll sleep through anything. Seems a shame to wake her up so soon. Let her get some rest before the drive home.” He shifted his weight, the sturdy heft of his hip nestling into the curve of Hanzo’s waist.

“Do you wish to watch…?”

Jesse glanced at the screen and then back to Hanzo’s face. “I’ve seen it a dozen times at least.” His heart beat faster, hip burning where the man’s hand lingered. His shirt had ridden up just a finger’s width, and somehow Hanzo’s pinkie had found it. Just a sliver of flesh to flesh, intoxicating and dangerous.

“I have as well…” Hanzo was rubbing little circles absently on his hip, along the bone. “Do you wish to watch something else? I have many movies and online subscriptions we could chose from.”

Jesse chewed his bottom lip, weighting the words lingering on his tongue. “How about we watch something a little bit more adult?”

 


	13. A pocket full of Daisies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Tev for editing this! and thank you Kelsey for using her patron reward for some more Sweet as Honey

“And what did you have in mind?” Hanzo quirked an eyebrow at his companion, not taking the obvious bait: while he had access to a wide variety of porn and adult material thanks to the internet and his own small collection, he knew Jesse was trying to tease.

“Oh I dun’ know,” Jesse chuckled and they both moved away from the sleeping Mabel. “You got that nice big TV in your bedroom.”

“This is true.” Hanzo waited, trying to keep his mouth from curling and giving himself away.

“And you know… it looked like a mighty soft bed.” Jesse’s arm settled over Hanzo’s shoulders and he leaned a bit more into the contact. “And it’s nice and dark in there.”

“It is perfect for watching movies … and indulging in other activities.”

“Bet you can get your pants scared off in there.”

Hanzo laughed, quickly covering his mouth to keep the sound in. He would hate to wake the sleeping child. “Very well. How about a horror flick?” He took Jesse’s hand and began to lead his companion back to the bedroom, but tamped down the fantasies dancing through his blood, knowing they had a long way to go.

They settled on The Conjuring and were soon huddled together on the bed with their shoulders pressed together, blanket wrapped around them against the chill seeping through the wall of windows.

Hanzo found himself pressing his face against Jesse’s arm as the tension ramped up. He was no stranger to gore and violence, but the slow creeping atmosphere had his nerves on a razor’s edge. He did not handle the supernatural well, and it gave him an excuse to cuddle into Jesse and breathe into the sweet curve of his neck. The skin was deliciously warm and smelled like cinnamon and musk. He greedily nuzzled in, drinking up as much as he could.

Jesse’s arm around his shoulders was tensed, flinching at each little jumpscare, and it made Hanzo smile as his pulse thundered against his lips. The night was just about perfect.

It was over too soon, though. The clock on the nightstand read after midnight as the credits rolled, and they were both yawning.

“You are welcome to stay and use the guest room,” Hanzo offered, a soft smile on his lips as Jesse roused Mabel.

“Nah, we gotta get home. Thanks for the offer though.”

Hanzo nodded, accepting the man’s decision despite wanting to push. He had to let Jesse come to him in his own time.

 

\--

 

Jesse couldn’t put his phone down, rereading Hanzo’s message while absently wolfing down a sandwich on his lunch break. It tasted vaguely like dust from the ever present clouds on the construction site: he was used to it, but it didn’t mean he liked it. Then again, it could have been sand for all the attention he gave it.

It was rare Jesse actually got thirty minutes to eat the simple fare in a brown paper bag he brought. Wiping his fingers on his jeans, he typed his answer. [you gotta stop sending me pics that make me wanna run away from work and get on the first plane to japan]

[my apologies, i am overwhelmed with fond memories.]

A picture of Hanzo and Genji sitting at the counter of a ramen shop followed, both men grinning ear to ear. The light of the shop bathed them in neon pinks and blues. Jesse shook his head, telling himself he wasn’t longingly dreaming of traveling the world with money to blow on every cuisine and whim.

Hanzo’s hand would be laced with his and Mabel would doubtlessly be running ahead to examine anything and everything.

[Meet with the elders yet?] Jesse started on an apple, looking over the job site. It was nearly completed and he’d be moving onto a new one soon enough. He just hoped he could get a break in between; maybe a few weeks on a service van where he could fix rich people’s pools, or on the massive equipment used to dig out basements on-site.

He liked fixing things and seemed to have a knack for it. His pa had always wanted him to become a mechanic, and his time in Deadlock had forced him to put his skills to hard use. What he wouldn’t give to spend his days bent over a car engine or programming hardlight energy cores.

His arms felt like jelly from wrestling with sheets of drywall. The mud was crusting on his shirt and stuck in the dark hair on his forearms. Everything just ached from the hard work.

“McCree, stop texting your girlfriend and get over here!” The foreman’s voice was teasing but loud, startling him out of his thoughts.

“Yessir,” he shoved the phone into a pouch on his toolbelt and jumped down from the tire of the excavator. He would have to catch up with Hanzo later when timezones lined up waking hours again.

It had only been a week since their late night conversation at the swings. Jesse was hesitant to believe things really were going smoothly. Things just didn’t work out so well and Hanzo had left for Japan before they’d even gotten to go out on a real date. He held the memories of Halloween close and tight to his chest, always fighting a smile.

He tried not to care too much, pouring himself back into his work and taking care of Mabel. Ana was waiting at the door when he got home after eight and made it to her door.

“Stay outside.”

Jesse froze, looking down at himself and then shrugging. “Fair enough. Mabel do okay?”

Ana was eying him critically but it softened quickly. “She did well. Her homework has given her trouble but Fareeha was able to help.”

“Fareeha’s here?”

The woman appeared on cue, with an exhausted Mabel at her side. The little girl drooped comically as if about to collapse into a heap at once. “Hey there, sunshine.” Jesse stooped, ignoring the scream from his knees. “What’s got you so tired?”

“We watched TV. Commercial breaks are for push-ups.”

Fareeha grinned, patting the crazy curls sticking out of Mabel’s hair. Her hand was broad and strong but tender in it’s touch. “She’ll make a strong fighter yet.”

Mabel nodded through a yawn, covering her mouth with her forearm. “Gonna get strong.”

“You’re already plenty strong.” Jesse scooped his baby sister up, grunting as he straightened. Muscles in his back strained as he adjusted her in his arms. She was really too old to be carried but he couldn’t help the instinct.

“Thanks, Jesse,” she mumbled against his shoulder, fit to make his heart melt into goop.

“Thanks for watching her. Soon I’ll be back to a normal shift.”

“We are happy to help. She made herself useful holding my yarn while I knitted.” Ana appeared in the doorway with a covered casserole dish. “And to make this. Please enjoy it. It will nurture you both.”

Jesse swallowed a sudden tightness in his throat.

“Thank you, so much.”

 

\--

 

Hanzo groaned at the buzz of his phone, regretting letting Genji get him drunk last night to soothe their collective anxiety. It had been a mistake. The bright screen sent a jolt of pain from his eyes to his queasy stomach. He rolled over, breathing slowly to calm the vodka sloshing in his stomach.

“Don’t be so loud,” Genji whimpered, sallow faced in the futon on the other side of the room.

“Shh.”

Hanzo blinked repeatedly, trying to get the phone screen in focus. It was early, far too early to be awake after a late night, but he didn’t blame Jesse. Some of the fog cleared as he opened the Snapchat app, and he was glad Genji couldn’t see his face.

A tired looking Jesse laying on an air mattress greeted him. Shirtless and glistening, no doubt from scrubbing off the day of hard labor, the skin was flushed red on his hands and arms. Hanzo’s mouth went dry and he quickly tucked the phone against his chest, the words across the photo stroking down his chest to settle lightly on his groin.

[I wish I was there as well] Hanzo furtively replied, not following with a picture. He looked like death after the long flight and night of sightseeing and drinking. [you look tired.]

[my body is killing me. I feel like someone went after me with a bat]

Hanzo chewed his bottom lip, wanting to offer his hands to calm the pain and soothe the worries laid out on the man’s body. He was distracted by Genji snickering right at his shoulder.

“Offer to massage him. All over!” Genji tried to grab the phone with a far-too-alert crow of glee.

Hanzo rolled out of reach, swaying to his feet and going green at the edges. “Fuck,” he swore in their own language and bolted to the bathroom with the phone safely clutched to his chest.

The text went unanswered as he relieved himself and dragged himself through a shower. They were meeting the elders that evening, but now that he was awake, sleep seemed impossible. He needed to clear his head and prepare for the meeting.

It was hard to focus on the moment, letting Genji drag him to the old haunts he remembered most fondly, and he couldn’t help but laugh at his insistence they go to the old arcade. Their high scores had been obliterated from the boards years ago, but they tried to set new ones. Trading jabs and shit talking like they were teenagers again, the hours went by all too fast.

Jesse would be asleep anyway.

 _Jesse,_ Hanzo found himself staring into the engine block of a ducati motorcycle. The dealer was chatting animatedly with Genji, half selling the younger Shimada already on why he needed the vehicle. It was absolutely a necessity. Perfect for city life. Much more reasonable than taking a towncar or a taxi to work.

He touched the phone in his pocket reflexively, not pulling it out. It still made him smile, the thought of Jesse elbow deep in the guts of a car. In a simple garage, he’d have a white tank top sticking to him and grease on his cheek. A smile big and warm as his heart to help a customer or restore a much loved car.

Hanzo made a note to ask the younger man just how comfortable he was with mechanics. Maybe there was a way to help Jesse and Mabel on a path to a better life with normal hours and less back-breaking work.

They left the shop, Genji miraculously not purchasing a bike he didn’t have a license for, and returned to their hotel. They did not stay in the Castle or in any of the familial holdings. They were not welcome to step under the mantle of the Shimada clan unless summoned.

The knowledge sat heavy on his shoulders, like the formal traditional dress Hanzo donned before their meeting. It had been provided for him along with an attendant to help him dress. A barbed jab at his absence, as if he could forget in a year.

The brothers met outside the gates of the castle, both dressed darkly and somberly.

“Are you prepared?” Hanzo murmured to his brother in English, low and soft.

“Only physically.”

Hanzo fought down a snort but a smile crept across his face.

“We will be home soon enough.”

The gates opened and they were escorted inside.

The evening stretched out before them, both Shimadas stony faced and solemn as they pledged loyalty to the clan in a thousand small ways. From the traditional garb they were forced to wear to the long family dinner and ceremony at the local temple, it was a reminder of where they came from and the expectations that came with it.

It was not until late in the night that Hanzo was pulled away to a private room. His orders were much the same as before and to his relief, he was only given a small escort mission. It proved easy to perform and no blood was spilled on his homeland’s soil.

He breathed a sigh of relief.

 

-

 

Jesse shifted from foot to foot, face red and sweat gathering at the back of his neck. _I’m a fucking idiot,_ he gulped around the nervous feeling in his throat. Sitting in the airport at three in the morning on a Friday night with a now wilted bouquet of flowers in the chair next to him.

He glanced at his watch, debating again if he should leave before this all backfired on him anyway. It had been a dumb idea to come here as if he had any right to be. It was stupid to act like he would be the thing Hanzo wanted to see after an eighteen hour flight.

Hanzo would be inconvenienced by his presence. The flowers would just be one more thing to carry along with his luggage. Jesse shook his head at his own stupidity. Gathering his coat and the sad bouquet of daisies, he turned to leave. He could text Hanzo in the morning and say his ‘welcome backs’ without being a bother.

The airport was mostly empty, liminial and surreal with a few people shuffling by as if in a dream. Jesse sighed to himself as he walked away from the greeting area, looking for a trashcan to toss an empty coffee cup and the flowers.

“Jesse?”

The man jumped, nearly dislodging his cowboy hat as his head whipped to the side. He blinked stupidly before quickly looking down to avoid Hanzo’s eyes. “Hey,” he murmured to his boots, ignoring the pair of green dragon head slippers edging into his field of vision.

“Are those for me?”

Hanzo took the flowers from his hand and Jesse’s skin reddened to the tips of his ears. “Sorry they ain’t fancy. I was just thinking better of the whole thing and I…” He trailed off, something sharp and deep inside his heart tugged free as Hanzo buried his face in the flowers.

“After the stagnant air in the plane, these are perfect.”

“S-sure.” Jesse rubbed the back of his head, ignoring the shit eating grin Genji was not bothering to even try to hide. He looked away, scruffing one foot against the other. Hanzo’s bag was sitting near and Jesse picked it up just to do something with his hands. “Let me carry your bag?”

“If you wish.” Hanzo’s shoulders drooped with exhausted relief at the offer.

“Mine too.” Genji leaned in front of his brother, offering the handle of his rolling bag.

Jesse reached for it reluctantly and his hand was swatted away.

“Carry your own bag.”

Jesse ducked his head, heart staggering as he hesitantly laced his free hand with Hanzo’s. The walk to the parking garage felt far too long and also too short, not speaking much and feeling Genji’s intense gaze.

Hanzo rubbed his thumb over Jesse’s hand softly, maddeningly, and his chest swelled.

“Thank you for coming to greet me.” Hanzo’s voice was warm and soft. Sleepy, even, and Jesse fought down the flutter of his heart. “Would you like to come to my apartment for coffee-” the offer was contradicted by a jaw cracking yawn.

“Nah, you get some rest.” Jesse dared to squeeze his companion’s hand. Genji was already in the car in the back seat, robe drawn up to his ear. “I… I just wanted to see you, I guess.”

“It was a pleasant surprise.” Hanzo stroked his thumb along Jesse’s knuckles. “It has been a long time since anyone missed me.”

Jesse blushed at being caught but he couldn’t help the smile on his face. “Guess you maybe could say that. Feels dumb, you were only gone a week and all.”

“I look forward to -” Hanzo glanced at his brother through the window and stepped closer. “To getting a first date soon.”

“Me too.”

The anxiety melted away from Jesse’s shoulders and he set the bag down to hesitantly open his arms. Just the smallest amount, willing to play it off if he needed too. He wasn’t left to think long on it and Hanzo slide his arms around his waist. Jesse pulled him into a hug, not too hard and not too tight.

Jesse sighed into the contact, body shuddering to be pressed warmly against Hanzo. The man was a perfect fit in his arms, broad and solid and just tall enough that Jesse could bury his nose in his hair without being obvious.

Drinking in the scent of pine and smoke mixed with the sweat of a long flight, it found a home in his lungs.

 

\--

 

“Steady, keep your knees bent.” Hanzo chuckled as Jesse struggled to keep his feet under him. The rollerskates threatened to dump him onto his ass for the second time that night. “You should have informed me you did not know how to skate.”

“I used t’know how,” Jesse grumbled good naturedly, holding onto the wall with one hand.

“Perhaps we can settle for playing the arcade games?” Hanzo didn’t want Jesse to overtax himself, and yet he loved the excuse to slide his hands onto the bigger man’s hips.

Holding him gently, Hanzo took the chance to drink in Jesse’s broad shoulders and plump, thick ass. Sinfully tight jeans hugged every curve, and Hanzo wanted to bury his face between those thighs and feast until his jaw locked.

“Nah, I got this. I can do this,” Jesse grumbled, still holding onto the wall at the edge of the rink. The flashing neon lights mixed with a syrupy techno beat that made Hanzo itch to move. “And if I bust my ass, you can put an ice pack on it later.”

“I would be honored to play nurse,” Hanzo snorted, tucking away that mental image before offering his arm. “We can go slowly.”

“I’d like that.”

 


	14. Playing Dirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks goes out to my patreons for sponsoring this chapter and to Tevokkia for editing it. <3 I hope you all enjoy their first date

Hanzo’s heart strained against his ribs, pounding with the music as Jesse smiled in the neon light. It danced on the solid lines of his face and down the column of his neck. Beads of sweat glittered in the hollow of his throat and Hanzo licked his lips as he fantasized about the taste.

“Steady,” Hanzo murmured, to himself and to Jesse as he slowly skated backwards. Jesse’s sturdy hands were laced with his, and it was easy to guide the novice around the edge of the rink.

“How’d you learn t’skate so good?” Jesse laughed over the music. His eyes twinkled and Hanzo drank it in.

“I have a dark past.”

Hanzo increased their speed just a little after glancing over his shoulder to make sure the way was clear. Children and couples flitted by in the lazily undulating dots of light from the discoball and the rumble of rollerblades and skates added a throbbing base to the electric music.

“Were you inna roller skating gang?”

“Close.” Hanzo cast a conspiratorial glance around before he pulled.

It was easy to bring Jesse close, their chests almost touching. Heat rolled off the younger man and curled into his throat like a hungry thing. “It was closer to your ‘roller derbys’ than a gang.” Hanzo slide his hand up Jesse’s forearm and stole a touch of the silken skin of his inner elbows.

“Ah!”

Hanzo jumped at the sudden cry and only years of training kept him on his feet. 

“Shit, fuck, sorry,” Jesse held onto his hand for dear life, the other braced on the wall. “Fuck.”

A smirk pushed across his face and a fire coiled in his belly. “Jesse, you are so sensitive.”

“Don’t fucking look at me like that,” Jesse laughed and weakly pushed against Hanzo’s chest.

The hand left a the lingering sensation of heat and Hanzo pushed forward. Jesse’s chest was hot to the touch, and his thin shirt was not enough to hide the brush of chest hair through the fabric. It would feel divine under Hanzo’s fingers or along his back, scratching him with each deep, full body curl of desperation--

“Get out of the way!”

Hanzo started and grabbed Jesse around the waist just in time to swing him out of the way of a small child. The redhead crashed into his hip and knee in a flail of limbs, safety pads and helmet, and Hanzo went down with a grunt.

Pain thumped through his shoulder and hip as he landed awkwardly to save crushing the over-enthusiastic skater. HIs head rang as he sat up in time to see the skater bravely launching herself back into the fray.

“Holy shit.”

“Hm?” Hanzo glanced up to Jesse and froze.

There were stars in his eyes.

 

\--

 

Jesse couldn’t stop the grin on his face. His insides were like sunlight on a thousand butterfly wings. “You picked me up.” He was giddy, even on wobbly legs. “And just swung me around. On skates!”

“Of course,” Hanzo chuckled, and the sharp pinch of pain relaxed on his face. Even sitting on the dirty floor of a roller rink, he somehow radiated poise and power. Jesse’s eyes followed the casual flick of his hand as Hanzo adjusted himself before rising gracefully to his feet. 

“Does this mean I get to icepack your ass now?”

The words were out before Jesse could stop himself, and Hanzo’s eyes widened comically. His expression quickly changed to his usual teasing smirk, and Jesse willingly let his hand be captured again.

“I will let you assist me in whatever way you desire.”

“Then… can I get an assist off the rink?” Jesse waggled his brows and was rewarded with a deep laugh. 

“Your tow service has arrived.”

Hanzo pulled him effortlessly around the rink to the nearest entry point, and Jesse let himself soak up the moment. The lights flashed violet and fuschia off Hanzo’s inky hair, and practically glowed on his white button-down. It showed off the thick stripes of muscle in his arms and dared Jesse to fantasize about the way his legs moved with such ease. 

The white of Hanzo’s skates streaked in the simmering atmosphere, crossing and flashing as he balanced on one foot and then the other. Jesse’s hand was pushed up and he caught the hint in time to raise it for Hanzo to twirl under without missing a beat.

“Shit.”

His eyes raked over the hard lines of muscle and sensuous curves and he was glad that his jeans were loose and his shirt long. Hanzo’s fingers played over his knuckles as they slowed in front of the exit from the rink to the general floor.

“Didn’t know you could move like that.” Jesse’s voice rasped loudly in his own ears.

Hanzo merely smile as he bowed. “Perhaps you will move with me in the future. That is, if you would like to come skating again sometime.”

“You asking me out on a second date already?” Jesse stepped off the rink and up onto the thinly carpeted floor. 

“If it is not too presumptuous.” Hanzo propelled himself to the nearest bench with an effortless motion and Jesse could only enjoy the view. “I already have a list of several dates I would like to spend with you.”

“Shucks.” Jesse swallowed the sudden rush of giddiness. His path to the bench was far less coordinated than Hanzo’s, but he managed. Half falling onto the unpadded wood, he sighed in relief. His feet were suddenly killing him and he quickly stripped the skates off.

A moment of embarrassment almost overtook the comfortable heat as he wiggled his toes. There was a hole on his left big toe and he curled the digit under the ball of his foot. A spasm had him stretching it out immediately and he grabbed his foot to rub the prickles away.

Cool fingertips dipped over his ankle and Jesse looked up in time to catch a tender smile, Hanzo’s hand joining his and expertly kneading the tired muscles. Blissful relief welled up from the strong hand and Jesse’s head fell back with an appreciative sound.

The music still throbbed around them but it was faded. There was just Hanzo humming in his ear and the soft, feathery touches of his breath against Jesse’s collarbone. He didn’t need to open his eyes to know Hanzo was caught between the desire to rest his head on Jesse’s shoulder and fear of rejection.

Jesse reached up blindly and ran his fingers along Hanzo’s jaw and into his wings. Hesitantly, he tilted the man’s face until it rested along his shoulder. “I like this,” he murmured, not sure if Hanzo could hear him before turning to hide his face in the hot silk of his hair. 

He soaked up the hint of sweat that mixed with Hanzo’s earthy spicy scent. “Did you change shampoos?” he murmured, knowing he should shut his mouth and just enjoy this.

“You have a sharp nose,” Hanzo laughed without stopping his massage. “And I am admittedly a bit vain.”

“Did you get it in Japan?” 

Jesse leaned back a little to examine his date’s head and hair. There were no signs of thinning or a receding hairline that he could see. The grays looked a little darker though and Jesse cracked a grin.

“You trying to cover up your grays?”

“Perhaps.” Hanzo sighed and reached up to smooth one wing. “I have noticed them more and Genji has pointed out… well…”

Jesse wiggled his foot out of Hanzo’s hand and twisted to straddle the bench so he could look at him easier. “You know I don’t mind you being older than me, right?” He didn’t miss a tiny flinch and quickly leaned in to nuzzle against one silvery wing. Hanzo’s breath came faster on his neck and the muscled shoulder nudged into his chest was stiff. “I think your grays are hot.”

“Do you now?”

“Mmhmmm.” Jesse soaked up the little sound of surprise as he pressed a quick kiss to the strands. “So prove how young at heart you are!”

He grabbed Hanzo’s hands before he could react and dragged him to his feet. He pulled him across the room to the arcade section of the rink, their skates and shoes left behind. It was packed with every game he could imagine, from classic Pacman to air hockey to basketball-themed feats of skill.

Children and young adults and cute mom and dad couples all took advantage of blitz of sounds and lights to throw away their cares. Jesse wasted no time pulling Hanzo into the nearest open game and they climbed on top of the plastic motorcycles mounted in front of the massive screen.

“Used to ride a real one of these.” Jesse grinned as he slid quarters into the machine’s front. He was a bit big for the cycle, but not by much. Even at six-two, he could make himself small easy enough.

“I did as well.”

“Shit, you get more interesting all the time.”

Jesse tipped an imaginary hat and revved the engine shamelessly. “Guess we’ll get to see who’s a better rider.”

“I look forward to your performance.” Hanzo smirked, a wicked little curl of his mouth and tilt of the chin.

Jesse had to look away as his face heated and the game plinked down to the start. They shot off along the winding road, leaning on the fake motorcycles to take the turns. They were neck and neck at the first checkpoint, weaving, synchronized, through the traffic and whipping passed police cars. 

Memories of the open road flashed in front of him, a glorious moment of freedom in the dusty corners of his mind. Longing for the wind in his face and moon on his back, Jesse raced across a fake desert with Hanzo at his side.

The finish line rushed at them, half rendered flags waving in the breeze and Jesse made a split second decision. He threw out a long leg and tipped Hanzo’s bike over.

“Cheater!” Hanzo roared as he overbalanced at the sudden shift and half fell off the bike in the final seconds. Jesse zoomed past him and across the line to explosions of fireworks and cheering. He threw up his arms in victory, flexing and posing to show off his back as Hanzo laughed. His arms were braced on the seat of the bike, chin in one hand with rapt adoration clear in his eyes.

“C’mon, I’ll let you win the next one.” Jesse hopped over the bike and scooped Hanzo’s hands into his, the urge to touch just too strong to resist.

“I am prepared to play dirty now.” Hanzo shook his hands off and Jesse followed him to the air hockey table. “A game of skill is more suited to our fight.”

“If it’s a fight, does that mean there’s a prize?” Jesse knocked the puck teasingly. He had something in mind already, if he was bold enough.

 

-

 

Hanzo tilted his head to the side, fighting down a spasm of heat low in his belly.  _ First dates end with kisses. _ The thought flashed past him and his mouth went dry. Was Jesse asking for a flirtatious barter of soft touches and firsts or would this end up an innocent request.

“There can be. What would you wager, McCree?”

The younger man flipped the puck between his fingers lazily, eyelids heavy and mouth quirked in the corner. “I got something in mind but… I dun wanna overstep m’bounds, Mr. Shimada.”

Hanzo closed his eyes at the electric thrill that charged through him. He pressed into Jesse’s personal space with a bravado he didn’t entirely feel. “What would you deserve as a reward for your victory?”

Tension crackled between them, thick and heavy strings of carmel that snapped as Jesse laughed and stepped back. Hanzo half followed before he caught himself, his reaching hand settling on the hockey table instead.

Jesse’s large palm settled over his, deliciously rough from years of hard work, gentle as a butterfly’s wing. “I want a massage, a soak in your tub or a night in your big soft bed. If I win.” The smile faltered and something fragile peeked out behind the his features. “Course, no pressure and I didn’t mean t’say we were going back to your place and, y’know, get in your personal space and tub and stuff and I don’t have--”

The world tilted and Hanzo let himself fall with it and into Jesse. Just a brief collision of bodies as he wrapped his arms tight around the younger man. He lifted Jesse off his feet without meaning to, just laughing into the gorgeous curve of Jesse’s shoulder.

“Do you how long I have wanted to offer the damn tub to you?” Hanzo twirled him lazily around, ignoring the looks they were getting. Nothing else mattered in that sweet second as Jesse’s eyes widened and his face turned red before he hid it behind his hands.

Hanzo lowered him carefully but didn’t release his grip. His hands were tangled together at the small of Jesse’s back, their hips pressed lightly together and Hanzo would be a liar to say he wasn’t ready to run away together right then and there.

“Shit...you dun’… you don’t know what being lifted feels like.” Jesse peeked out from behind his hands. “Gonna have to return the favor.”

“I have not had the pleasure in years.” Hanzo was reluctant to let go and slowly brushed his thumb along the seam of Jesse’s shirt and jeans. How sweet would it be to press kisses to the dimples of his back and trail them up his spine as his hands worked the tension out of Jesse’s body.

“You’re no little thing.” Jesse’s arms looped around his neck, their height not getting in the way. “But I’m sure I can lift you over my head and bench press you.”

“But can you beat me at air hockey?” Hanzo crooned, glancing at their neglected table. The air hissed away as time ticked down.

“What do you want if you win?” Jesse was the first to break the contact and Hanzo reluctantly let him go. They headed to their separate ends of the table and Hanzo turned the question over.

“If I win, I desire your company on a small business trip to the south side.” He spoke carefully, keeping his face neutral.

“Need some hired muscle?” Jesse snorted before dropping the puck on the table.

“It is a small mechanics shop,” Hanzo spoke without lifting his eyes from the puck. He positioned his striker in front of the goal. 

“Oh, one of your cars need service?” Jesse flicked his wrist and the puck went hissing over the table. 

Hanzo knocked it back, bouncing off the right side, then the left, and snaked through the gap into the goal. “Simple geometry!” he crowed, much to Jesse’s surprise.

“Of course you’d be good at this.” Jesse was quick to retrieve the pluck and send it back fast as a whip.

Hanzo managed to block it, but it bounced back into Jesse’s side of the table. Another crash of plastic to plastic and he was jumping to defend his own goal. The inertia did the rest for him, sending the puck zinging towards Jesse’s goal.

Lightning quick, they traded blows and the disk was pummeled from one end of the table to the other, bouncing right out of the goals at times from the sheer force. The time flashed as each second went by. Sweat beaded on the back of Hanzo’s neck. He might long to give Jesse a massage, but his pride wouldn’t let him lose on purpose.

He had a feeling Jesse would know if he did, and it might mean Hanzo did not get the reward he really desired: sitting on the edge of the tub while Jesse drifted in steamy hot water, cradled with soothing bubbles and a glass of wine in hand.

_ Juice, _ Hanzo corrected mentally. Jesse didn’t drink.  _ Wine for me then. _

Just as the buzzer went off, the puck zipped passed him and into the goal for the win.

Nothing could have made Hanzo happier.

 


	15. Healing Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to Fujo and Suziesbee for sponsoring this chapter on my patreon! And a big thanks to Tevokkia for editing!

“To the victor, go the spoils.” Hanzo’s words lit a fire in Jesse’s belly and he looked down at his feet. The blush on his cheeks couldn’t be explained away by any stretch of the imagination as he follow Hanzo into his apartment, and hIs stomach fluttered, a giddy feeling that had him ready to jump.

“You’re sure it’s okay?” he asked for the third time since they’d left the roller rink. 

“It is my pleasure.” Hanzo paused to toe off his shoes and Jesse followed suit, trying to keep his eyes off of the sweet heft of Hanzo’s ass as he bent over to place the loafers off to the side of the entry. 

Jesse fidgeted with his shoe laces longer than was necessary. The apartment sparkled in the golden light and the city stretched away from the floor to ceiling windows. He imagined they were fallen stars, sure he had to have wished on each one to end up here.

Hanzo’s touch on his forearm scattered diamonds along his nerves in flashes of energy. 

“Would you like a water? Perhaps a snack? I have plenty of candy.”

Jesse swallowed the nervousness in his throat. Hanzo’s smile twisted his insides harder.  _ I’m going to mess this up. _ The thought made it hard to breath and he managed only to nod. There was no Mabel around to dampen the sparks between them or work in the morning to make a quick exit if he needed: Mabel was already staying the night with the Amaris and Jesse had Sundays off. 

There were no excuses.

Hanzo approached with caution, staying at arms length. Jesse winced to see how carefully the man treated him, how easily his uncertainty could be seen. 

“Sorry.” He wet his mouth with a deep swallow. 

Hanzo tilted his head to the side and his bangs fell across his face. A quirk of his mouth sent shivers through Jesse, and he looked down quickly.

“There is nothing to apologize for.” Hanzo didn’t move towards him. “Please, tell me what bothers your spirit.”

Jesse put his face in his hand with a sigh. “I just…” His shoulders slumped. “I got this feeling I’m about t’wake up from the most wonderful dream and it’s gonna be blood and sweat and pain still.”

Tears welled up and he blinked furiously to try to drive them away. He just needed a second to get himself under control. “And I know I’m being a wet blanket and ruinin’ the mood we had goin’ on and I can’t seem to stop myself and I just--”

He choked on the tangle of thorns in his throat.

Flowers bloomed in a riot of color as he was dragged into a hug. A ragged gasp for air and he was suddenly crying into the crook of Hanzo’s shoulder. He broke as strong arms wrapped him up and held him like he was the most precious thing in the world.

“It is good to cry,” Hanzo murmured in his ear, his own words thick, and Jesse turned to muffle his sobs against his neck. “You are safe here. I have you.”

Jesse nodded, desperately needing to believe, and he somehow let himself reach out. His own arms wrapped around Hanzo and he closed what little space was between them. The heat throbbed in his head and all the words he wanted to say were drowned out.

Hanzo’s hand in his hair was a point of relief and he ran towards it. Strong fingers carded gently through the wild mess and stroked down the back of his neck with each movement. A soothing pat on his back helped center him. His humid breaths make his face hot and sticky with tears against Hanzo’s skin.

“Let me take care of you tonight, Jesse.”

Each word was sculpted, tone carefully selected and Jesse managed to look up enough to see the red on Hanzo’s cheek. The hesitant lift of his eyebrows and a shy smile that was his undoing.

_ Don’t let him see you weak.  _

Jesse pushed past the fear, the old wounds, the reflexes honed in fear and went boneless against Hanzo. 

“Please.”

Sunshine bloomed across his brain as Hanzo pressed a soft kiss to his temple. His fingers were cool on his temple and soothed the burning of saltwater. He didn't’ dare give in to the desperate needy impulse ringing in his head. Just to tilt his head up and find Hanzo’s mouth with his own. 

“Come with me,” hanzo’s words against his ear sent a little thrill of relief to his toes. He was too tired, too frazzled to make any decisions and he followed willingly. His hand was taken in Hanzo’s and he managed a weak squeeze.

“Sorry.”

“It is my honor to care for you properly, my dear.” Hanzo’s smile made Jesse’s heart clench till it ached.

He turned to hide his face in Hanzo’s shoulder as they made their way down the hall. Hanzo’s bedroom was dark and lush with comfort. His eyes lingered on the massive soft bed and the satin sheets that would be cool on his skin.

Hanzo led him to the edge but didn’t sit down. A gentle pull on his hand and Jesse allowed Hanzo to direct him to sit. The room was dim, only a soft yellow glow came from the lamp at the bedside table. It cast Hanzo in hazy warmth and Jesse couldn’t keep a small smile from forming on his lips.

“I believe the first of your requests was a massage?” Hanzo stepped between his legs and Jesse gulped. “I would be most pleased to sooth a few of your burdens. Perhaps a shoulder rub to start?”

Jesse nodded, eyes falling closed at just the thought of getting some relief on his sore muscles. And it wouldn’t require him getting undressed. Not much at least. 

“Do you enjoy the scent of lavender?” Hanzo’s forearms draped along Jesse’s shoulders and his fingers were back in his hair. 

“Yeah, it’s real nice.” Jesse leaned forward, just a little. Just enough to bunt his head against Hanzo’s chest and relax against the sturdy bulk of his companion.

“If it is okay, will you remove your shirt?”

A ripple of worried disturbed the smooth pond of his mind but he pushed the anxiety away. “Sure. Give you better access right?”

“Exactly.”

Jesse chuckled and pulled back. To his regret, Hanzo stepped away and went to the chest at the foot of the bed. He disappeared behind the lid and the sound of rustling and digging hinted at just what strange delights might be hidden within. 

Jesse breathed a sigh of relief as he pulled the sticky tshirt off his back. Crying always made him feel overheated. The air was blissfully cool on his skin and he closed his eyes to savor it. The tension slowly rolling off him to drip to the floor.

“You’re so beautiful like this.”

Jesse started, self consciously looking down at himself. He straightened from his relaxed slump and self consciously tried to smooth a tuft of wild chest hair down. “I ain’t nothing special.” His hand was captured and he watched ravenously as it was brought to Hanzo’s mouth.

“You are a myriad of sunsets.” A tentative brush of lips across his knuckles made him tremble. “A work of art from a master’s hands.” Hanzo pressed his mouth to Jesse’s fingertips, skin so soft and sweet. Jesse struggled not to tap lightly at the plump curve of his bottom lip. “I could spend hours studying this secret side of you.”

“What side is that?” Jesse murmured, melting under the tender ministrations. 

“Relaxed.” A quick kiss to the pad of his thumb. “At peace.”

“You really think so?” Jesse shook his head and looked down at himself. He’d filled out in the months since meeting Hanzo. Muscle laid heavy on his bones and the light cast the rivers and valleys of his abs and hips in deep relief. The dark hair on his chest lead down to his belly and disappeared beneath the hem of his boxers.

He could feel Hanzo’s eyes trailing over him and it burned like the first day of spring.

“You’re a work of art, Jesse McCree,” Hanzo smiled the words as he placed one last kiss to his palm. Jesse’s hand fell limply into his lap when he was released. “I would study you for hours.”

Jesse snorted and dropped his head into his hands. “You’re just being ridiculous now.”

“Nothing of the sort.”

“Nah, you’re just trying t’butter me up nice and good.”

“Why would I want to put butter on you?” Hanzo frowned at him, brows drawn down in confusion. “Besides the obvious reasons.”

“Perv,” Jesse reached out to push lightly at his chest. His fingers splayed over rock hard abs and something stiffer than the rest nudged the edge of his pinkie.  _ Is his nipple pierced?  _

Hanzo stepped away before he could process what he felt. “Can I not admire the man I am courting?” Hanzo gave him a regal look, right down his nose, before climbing on to the bed. 

“You’re courting me?” Jesse fought the initial kickback of disbelief, choosing to savor the closeness. 

Hanzo hummed behind him, settling against his bare back. “I believe the young people call it Dating but I prefer a more proper ritual.”

Jesse was about to tease back when Hanzo’s hands settled on his shoulders. The smell of lavender flooded his senses and overwhelmed him with the sensation of warm oil and strong fingers. A moan rose to his mouth as soon as Hanzo squeezed. Just a tentative flex of his hands in the knot filled mess of his traps and neck had him ready to sell his soul for another.

“Is it too much?”

Jesse shook his head quickly. “N-no, no it feels… it feels amazing.” He flashed a quick smile over his shoulder. Hanzo was staring at his back with such a tender look that Jesse had to turn away. He felt as if he’d seen something private.

Hanzo’s hands slowly took him a part, one tense muscle at a time. He sighed as long strokes down the sides of his spine begged him to relax and lean forward. It was a bit awkward as Hanzo pushed him deeper with his touch before lifting his hands away.

The cool of the apartment rushed in immediately and he shivered. It must be over. He tried to hide his disappointment but it was short lived.

“Please lay down with your arms at your sides. I will be able to work your back easier.” Hanzo helped him get positioned in the middle of the bed and he instantly moaned as he sank in. 

“I have not even started properly yet.”

“Shucks, Darlin’, you tried this bed of yours yet? This has t’be the best mattress I ever laid on in all my life.”

Hanzo just laughed and scooted over on his knees. “I am glad to share it.” Jesse sighed in bliss as Hanzo’s hands returned to his back. He melted into a puddle and the mattress cradled him perfectly. The soothing heat of hanzo’s touch sliding over his back and hips was enough to make him forget his own name. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this good in a bed, regardless of the activity.

Hanzo’s hands never strayed south of his belt. His touch never tilted towards lewd and Jesse gave himself up to the pleasure. He didn’t know how long Hanzo slaved over his back or when he started to doze off. 

The heat left his side and he woke up with a groggy jolt. “Han?”

“I’m right here.” Hanzo chuckled, appearing at the bathroom door with a washcloth in his hands. “You were asleep. I was going to let you rest.”

Jesse wasn’t surprised and rolled over to lay on his back. Cradled in an angel’s wing, he could imagine sleeping for days. “I need one of these.”

“I did offer to buy you one.”

Jesse lifted his head to squint at Hanzo. “That’s a dirty move.”

Realization washed over Hanzo and horror bloomed in his eyes. He started towards the bed and then froze an arm’s length away. The towel strained between his fists.

Jesse reached out and grabbed his arm. “I was just teasin’.”  he tugged Hanzo down next to him. “You looked like you’d seen a ghost.”

“You are a cruel man, Jesse McCree,” Hanzo huffed as he bounced lightly on the mattress. Their faces were close enough that Jesse could see the flecks of gold in Hanzo’s eyes and smell the sugary slushies they’d downed at the roller rink. “But I suppose I can forgive you.”

“Oh can you now?” Jesse teased, not moving away. 

“You have aged me at least a year.”

“Still look mighty good to me.” Jesse waggled his eyebrows and Hanzo laughed. It was as sweet as sunshine and courage surged in his chest. “Would mind returning the favor sometime.”

Red crashed over Hanzo’s face and he groaned as he rolled onto his back. He crossed his forearms over his face. “I am afraid of how much I like that idea.”

“I could give you one, if you want?” Jesse grinned, eager to shift the focus off himself. A buzz of guilt was already growing in the back of his mind, for letting Hanzo give him so much.

“No.” A finger was pressed to his lips. 

Jesse licked at it.

He realized his mistake instantly as Hanzo’s eyes went huge and the bizarre taste of lavender and oil settled on his tongue. He stuck it out with an exaggerated bleh and reached for a tissue on the nightstand.

Hanzo’s failed attempts to hid his laughter made the bed shake and Jesse reached over to cover his face with a hand. “Stop that.”

“Priceless!”

“Now you’re being cruel!” Jesse burst into laughter, the taste still coiling in the back of his throat. “I need something to get the taste out. Fuck don’t ever try t’use that as lube or nothing.”

“I promise I have proper unflavored and unscented lube,” Hanzo tossed the comment his way as he rose. “Let me fetch you some water. Or I have juice?”

“Juice would be good.” Jesse gulped and regretted it. He grabbed another tissue and rolled off the bed as Hanzo disappeared back to the kitchen. He shuffled to the bathroom, jeans feeling too tight, and stuck his mouth under the faucet. He gargled with a few mouthfuls and spit. He splashed a bit of the water on his face too, feeling the saltiness of tears come off his eyelashes and cheeks. 

He saw Hanzo in the mirror before he heard him and turned to grin. “You’re quiet on your feet.” 

“I brought you juice. I have an extra toothbrush if you would like to scrub out your mouth properly.”

“Don’t usually hear that unless I’ve been particularly dirty,” Jesse flashed his teeth and stood a little straighter. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders with the tension. He felt a couple inches taller.

“I look forward to hearing you put that mouth to good use.” Hanzo’s eyes flicked to his mouth and back up. “But I believe I still owe you a bath?”

Jesse looked at the massive jacuzzi tub and stowed the challenge he wasn’t ready to meet for another time. “Sweet Jesus, I’d love one.”

“Your wish is my command.” Hanzo chuckled good naturedly as he headed to the tub. He leaned over to turn the faucet on and Jesse was very aware of just how sweet a picture it was. He seemed to arch into the pose as he lit the candles around the tub and Jesse bit his lip to keep a needy sound at bay. 

“There are several bubble baths, epsom salt, pumice and scrub brushes.” Hanzo gestured to the large collection of bottles and accessories stationed around the tiled edge as he straightened. “Please help yourself and stay as long as you’d like.”

Jesse frowned as Hanzo started to walk away. He reached out, catching Hanzo’s wrist just a little too hard -- Hanzo’s breath caught and Jesse yanked his hand back like it burned, shoving them into his pockets and staring at the wisps of steam rising from the water instead.

“Aren’t you… going to stay?”

 


	16. Melt with Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Kelsey on Patreon for sponsoring part of this chapter

Hope burst in a riot of color inside Hanzo’s chest. It pressed against the cage of his ribs and bloomed around his heart. He struggled to speak past the rose petals on his tongue. The first words were Japanese and he saw the confusion on Jesse’s face.

Tightness in his throat slowly gave way to warmth and he reached out, ever so slowly, to twine his fingers with Jesse’s own.

“I would be honored to stay.” Hanzo stepped closer, enough to gently cup the taller man’s chin. He tilted his face until their eyes met. “If that is what you truly desire.”

Jesse’s blush was like a sunrise. Hanzo melted in its light even as his fingers trailed down the column of Jesse’s throat. He settled there, eyes searching.

“Just… doesn’t seem right. To stay here all by myself when we’re on a date.” 

“I was hoping you would invite me to stay.” Hanzo leaned just a little closer, aching to close the distance between them. 

“Really?” 

“I have fantasized about you basking in repose many times. I did not think I would get to see it so soon.” Something cold and scared flashed in Jesse’s eyes. Hanzo chose his words with care as he continued. “I will of course look away or wait outside till you are settled.”

It was the right response and Jesse’s shoulders relaxed instantly. Hanzo wondered if even being shirtless with him was enough to cause him anxiety. He carefully removed his hand and looked to the side.

“I… would you mind closing your eyes?”

Hanzo smiled as he tilted his head away and shuttered his gaze. His skin tingled and burned at the sound of a button being popped and the slow, sensual zing of a zipper. He chewed his lip, cheeks burning as Jese shuffled out of his pants. They hit the bathmat with a hollow wump that sent a shiver through Hanzo. 

He swallowed hard around the desire thrumming in his throat as Jesse took a deep breath and let it out all at once. In the darkness hanzo imagined the boxers sliding down inch by inch. How shy and vulnerable Jesse’s expression would be and the stark contrast to his muscular body. Hanzo longed to soothe the fear in Jesse’s heart.

He kept his eyes closed as the water sloshed.

“Fuck it’s hot!” Jesse sounded breathless and hanzo bit back a chuckle. “So nice t’have enough hot water to fill a tub up.”

Hanzo tucked a smile into the corners of his mouth, pointedly keeping his eyes squeezed shut. The scent of vanilla and peaches rose in the thick steam slowly filling up the bathroom. It was warm and soothing and begged for glasses of champagne and fluttering kisses.

Shifting his weight, he tried to adjust the problem quickly growing in his pants. If only he could see Jesse, see his smile, see if he was happy.

“Is--” he cleared his throat, “Is it to your liking?”

“Mmm, you’re never getting me out of this tub.”

“You should turn on the jets.” Hanzo chuckled with a shake of his head. He slid his hands into his pockets and listened for Jesse to turn to find the button. The slosh of water gave him cover to adjust the heavy heat of his ill timed arousal to the side. 

The low rumble of the jets was followed by the most obscene moan Hanzo had ever heard. His cock jumped excitedly and he barely caught a needy sound. He turned his back to the tub for a moment, desperately dragging in the slightly cooler air.

“I… I am going to fetch a glass of wine.” he felt his accent thickening and cursed his weak will. He hurried out of the bathroom with his eyes slitted to find the way. He fumbled with the door and fled the room in a very dignified manner.

He gulped the cold air and hurried to the kitchen. He put his head down on the counter and prayed for his erection to go down. He was old enough he should be able to control it. But there was just something about Jesse that set  all his nerves alight.

“I’m an idiot.” He sighed to a bottle of champagne left over from the last party and poured himself a generous glass. He considered putting the bottle back where it belonged and opted to bring it with him instead. He could always use the excuse of filling his glass to steady himself.

He hovered outside the bathroom door. 

_ Music. _

He headed to the night table and grabbed his phone. What was the point of having built in speakers if not to provide a proper atmosphere? He flicked through his playlists, pausing over a “Sensuality and Sex” option before flicking over to a safer indie one. Jesse would not have to worry about his intentions and he wouldn’t be tempted to sing along.

He knocked lightly on the doorframe. 

“Jesse, can I come in?”

“I was thinking you weren’t coming back for a moment there.”

Hanzo ducked his head to hide his blush as he entered the bathroom. He hesitated to lift his eyes as he turned off the light and let the candles cast another layer of privacy over Jesse. He approached cautiously and trailed his eyes over Jesse’s hand hanging over the edge of the tub. The hair on his forearm glistened and a few suds stuck to them. 

“You can look now.” Jesse teased with a crook of his fingers.

Hanzo was pulled closer by the gestured and sank to the floor by degrees. The tile was cold but the edge of the tub made up for it. He let his gaze trail up Jesse’s arm to his biceps, noting the tantalizing tan lines. He sipped at his drink as his mouth went dry. The cutest little mole perched above Jesse’s left collarbone. Just the perfect target for a long, slow flick of the tongue or nibble of teeth and Hanoz tried to distract himself by hitting play on his phone.

The music eased in from all around them and Jesse laughed in surprise.

It forced hanzo to look up and he was riveted.

Time slowed in the radiance of Jesse’s smile. His face all scrunched with delight and candlelight dancing on his beautiful brown skin. Hanzo’s breath caught as Jesse’s eyes opened and pinned him to the spot. Suds cast sparkling beads of gold across his face and twinkled in his eyes.

“You know I ain’t gonna disappear if you blink.” Jesse winked at him and the spell broke.

Hanzo huffed and grumbled to himself in japanese. He swirled the champagne before tossing the rest of the glass back. He pointed the empty flute at his date.

“I do not know that.” Hanzo managed a deep breath, ribs sighing as the tension melted away. “Look at these bubbles.” Hanzo dipped his hand into the burning water to scoop a massive heap of suds into his hand. “They seem real enough but then--” he blew the pile towards jesse in a flutter of sweet vanilla bubbles. “--gone in an instant.”

Jesse considered him for a long moment, a playful smile dancing around his mouth. He tilted his head to one side and then the other before leaning in. “Good thing then, that i’m a bit more substantial than some bubbles.”

“Indeed.” Hanzo’s gaze fell to Jesse’s lips, just a moment of weakness and he managed to keep his voice even. “You are quiet solid.”

“Thanks t’you.” Jesse’s words were laden with a smirk. “All that good food you bought us and all the help...”

Hanzo watched as Jesse’s broad hand covered his on the bathtub’s edge. Warmer than the water and rough from hard work, it sent a giddy blush of happiness through him. 

“Being so… so kind t’me.”

Hanzo couldn't tear his eyes away from where Jesse rubbed slow circles into the back of his hand. 

“And letting me… being so gentle with me.”

Hanzo managed to raise his face, a sweet hum bubbling in his throat. He turned his hand slowly so that he could squeeze Jesse’s. “I do not wish to repeat my mistakes. You are… very special to me Jesse and I hope there will be another date in the future.”

Jesse laughed and sank lower in the tub. The bubbles rose to cling to his stubble and his knees poked above the surface. “I don’t think you gotta worry about not getting a second date.” Jesse glanced around the room. “You’re pretty good at seducing a man.”

“I have not even begun to seduce you, my dear.” Hanzo leaned close, resting his weight on his folded arms on the tub’s edge. “I am pleased you have had an acceptable time on our date so far.”

Jesse rolled his eyes and flicked some suds at him. “You know damn well i’m having the time of my life.” His adam’s apple bobbed, cast in contrast by the candlelight. “And it ain’t like we’re strangers…”

“We are more than that,” Hanzo chuckled. He slowly lowered his hand to the water, trailing his fingers among the bubbles. He let his pinkie brush along the curve of Jesse’s knee. Light enough that it could be played as an accident if Jesse pulled away.

“I… I ain’t the fastest cowboy at the rodeo. But I ain’t the shyest filly either.”

Hanzo sucked in a sharp breath as Jesse pressed his knee firmly into his touch. He dragged a slow circle with his thumb against the knobbly joint. He didn’t dare take more than was offered, simply mapping the sturdy shape of his companion’s knee. 

“I do not want to assume...” Hanzo swirled his fingertips across his kneecap, spreading the water droplets over his skin. “I want to savor this with you.”

“Sure you aren’t gonna get bored with me?” A hint of vulnerability crept into Jesse’s voice.

“There is nothing I would rather be doing right now than sitting here with you.” Hanzo took a moment to refill his glass, sweat beading on his forehead and neck from the steamy bath.

“You sure about that.”

“What do you mean?” Hanzo raised his face in time to catch Jesse’s gaze on his groin. Hanzo glanced down and flushed hotter than the tub. He tried to shift his hips to hide his stubborn erection.

“My apologies, it has been some time,” Hanzo winced at how old he sounded.

“For me too.”

Hanzo softened at the raw cocktail of emotions in Jesse’s voice. He trailed his fingers across Jesse’s forearm and combed the wet hair thoughtfully, weighing the pounding of his heart and the vicious tightness coiled in his belly. 

“I… I’ve been meaning t’talk to you about… about it.”

“I am listening,” Hanzo steadied himself with a slow breath. A barrage of thoughts assaulted him but he pushed the anxieties away.

“So… I’ve been thinking about you a lot.” The muscles in jesse’s forearm twitched under Hanzo’s hand. “And… i just.. Now that this is real and happening and… i don’t wanna fuck you over if this is somethin’ you really want.”

Hanzo nodded, heart tumbling wildly in his chest. He worked his jaw for a moment, managing to keep his words steady. “I am listening. I do not wish to make you feel as if you cannot talk to me… especially about intimate things.”

“It’s not… see…” Jesse struggled for words before letting his head flop against the tub’s edge. Hanzo watched him war with himself, staying quiet. “Shit, i ain’t got your pretty words. I just fucking jack off thinking of you, of taking you in m’mouth and how pretty you’d look on your knees but then one of us gotta take it you know and it hurts and and I ain’t ready t’bottom again. Don’t know if i ever will be and I know you’re expectin’ me t’take it--”

“Do not trouble your heart with this,” Hanzo laughed in relief and leaned over the edge of the tub. “I do not mine if you touch yourself thinking of me taking you good and deep.”

“Fuck.”

Jesse groaned and his eyes screwed closed. Sweat trickled down his cheek to his jaw and Hanzo followed it with a ravenous hunger. He stretched closer and brushed his lips across Jesse’s ear.

“Can I think of you when I indulge myself, Jesse? Can I imagine you opening me up so gently and good until I’m begging for it? Or dream of pushing you down into an armchair and straddling you to ride your cock?” He let each word caress the flushed shell of his ear before nosing along the thick lobe. Jesse sucked his lip between his teeth and hanzo pressed a soft kiss to his sideburn. “Do you like the idea of that? Because I have been aching to let my thoughts turn to you.”

“Yes.” Jesse turned towards him and hanzo let him rest his forehead against his temple. “I… I ain’t as gentlemanly as you. I’ve been thinking of your for weeks. All the time.”

“I do not mind,” Hanzo whispered the words like drops of honey. “If you are my boyfriend, I hope you will think only of me from now on.”

Jesse’s eyes popped open and  a beautifully goofy smile pushed up his cheeks. “You mean it?”

Hanzo blinked and pulled back. “Of course?”

“We’re… boyfriends?”

Hanzo found a similarly dorky smile on his face. “I would like you to be my boyfriend officially. If you will have me.”

Jesse leaned over the edge of the tub. Water dripped everywhere and bubbles fell to the floor but Hanzo couldn’t move, couldn’t think. Jesse’s hand slide into his hair and pulled him in. 

All the air left his lungs.

Jesse’s lips brushed the corner of his mouth and sparks scattered along his nerves. He froze with with a soft “oh” of delight caught on his tongue. Jesse’s scruff tickled along his cheek and he broke out of his stupor.

“So, that is a yes?” Hanzo quirked his head to the side with a teasing smile. 

“Course it’s a yes.” 

Hanzo’s eyes fluttered closed as Jesse worked his thumb against a knot in his neck. Just a tender, casual touch that rained down on his heart. He didn’t dare hope for more, not when Jesse was hurting. The scars on his body and mind hadn’t faded and the wounds had nearly struck him down.

Hanzo leaned his cheek into Jesse’s hand and brought the other to his lips. He pressed a kiss to each worn and scratched knuckle. He inspected the cracked skin and an idea came to him.

“I am going to pamper you properly tonight, my dear.”

“I feel pretty pampered already.” Jesse chuckled, slowly sinking back into the water. He sighed dreamily and rested his head back on the towel folded over the edge.

“Hmm, you work so hard with your hands,” Hanzo squeezed Jesse’s left before rising. He went to the bathroom cabinet and began to dig through the drawers. “You must take care of your tools.”

“I know, always thinking i gotta figure out how to stop scraping my knuckles on everything at work.”

“I cannot stop you from that but I can perhaps help a little.” Hanzo grinned triumphantly as he pulled the tub of intensive moisturizing hand-cream from the drawer. He had not used it regularly but Jesse’s hands could use some rescuing.

He settled next to the tub again and hefted Jesse’s hand closer. “I am going to take care of these hands so they can take care of you.”

“Like a manicure?” Jesse squirmed but Hanzo didn’t let go.

“If you wish. Or think of it as a hand massage, something to keep them strong and healthy.” Hanzo smiled as Jesse relaxed again. The scent of soothing lavender joined the candles and he warmed the thick paste between his hand.

He started slow, lightly spreading the cream over the back of his hand and palm. He worked it between his fingers at the root and firmly pulled down the length of each. He eased each finger in small circles at each joint and firmly caresing over the pressure points to bring relaxation. 

Jesse slowly went boneless and only little sounds of pleasure signaled he was even awake. Hanzo didn’t stop, running his hands firmly up and down Jesse’s wrist and forearm. He kneaded a the tight muscles and knots and added lotion in fat warm dollops. 

“You got magic fingers, darlin’,” Jesse murmured, voice dazed and thick.

“Just don’t fall asleep in the tub.” Hanzo chuckled, feeling too warm and fuzzy around the edges. He massaged Jesse’s hands and stopped to tenderly push back his cuticles and trim the hangnails. Jesse wrinkled his nose at that but was soon sighing dreamily as Hanzo started on his other hand.

Hanzo was content to show his care with his touch for as long as Jesse desired but the man’s eyes began to close for longer and longer. His breathing was deep and smooth and the fine line between his eyes finally disappeared completely for the first time.

Hanzo couldn’t resist the urge to lean in and press the lightest kiss to it.

“Jesse… stay the night.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Suzie_B for requesting this! <3

Jesse’s body felt heavy, each limb covered by a thick blanket of relaxation. It made getting out of the luxurious bath difficult and he considered just sleeping in the warm sudsy water. He didn’t want to get up even though his fingers and toes were pruny and wrinkled.

He barely kept his eyes open, looking at the closed bathroom door where Hanzo had disappeared. He was supposed to be getting up and putting on the fluffy white robe carefully folded on the sink countertop and a pair of slippers.

Hanzo had even set out a clean pair of boxer briefs that would fit him just fine but he lingered in the dreamy weightlessness of the water. He could just close his eyes and drift off right here.

Jesse knew if he fell asleep he would probably drown or worse, Hanzo would have to drag his naked slippery body out of the tub. The thought got him moving. Slowly and carefully, he pushed himself to his feet.

It was a bit of a blur as he struggled into a borrowed pair of briefs and a plush robe. He managed to lean over and blow the candles out without toppling back into the tub. There was no way he was going to drive home and it seemed rude not to stay the night.

 _With my boyfriend,_ Jesse grinned at the thought.

Hanzo wasn’t his first boyfriend but it was the first time he had felt this way about someone. The first time he had been naked around someone since leaving deadlock.

Jesse’s hand froze on the doorknob.

He waited for the panic to rise.

“Jesse, I’ve set up the guest room for you if you’re ready to come out?”

Jesse rested his forehead against the door with a sweet smile. There was no fear this time, only the nervousness of ‘firsts’ and he stepped into Hanzo’s bedroom. “I’m right here darlin’,” he fought a yawn as he closed the distance between them in a few lazy steps.

“Let’s get you to bed, my dear.”

Hanzo’s arms around him were strong and steady. Jesse sighed contentedly and rested his head against the top of Hanzo’s. Water dripped from his damp hair and he drunkenly kissed the drops away from Hanzo’s hair.

“You smell, real nice,” he managed after a moment.

Hanzo’s chuckle vibrated against his chest, each little movement pressing deeper against him. A gentle caress along his spine made him arch lazily as Hanzo ran a hand up and down his back.

“Do you need to be up at a certain time tomorrow?” Hanzo questioned and Jesse found himself following the man out of his bedroom. Jesse glanced longingly at the massive bed before he was in the room across the hall.

It was smaller than Hanzo’s but a large bed with a fluffy comforter promised a blissful night. Water bottles and a few granola bars were on the nightstand with an alarm clock. He realized he’d never answered Hanzo.

“Supposed to pick Mabel up at ten tomorrow.” He sank onto the edge of the bed with a bone deep sigh of relief. “Bus leaves at eight so--”

“I will drive you. Sleep as late as you can.” Hanzo’s hands were back in his hair. Caressing the messy wet strands back behind his ears. He managed to raise his eyes to those beautiful dark brown pools. “If you need something in the night, wake me.”

“Sure thing, sweetheart.”

Jesse dreamed of everything and nothing at all. He fell straight through the fog into the healing darkness of oblivion as soon as his head hit the pillow. Boneless, he floated in the comforting embrace of a real bed and designer sheets. It was so foreign to be relaxed and splayed out to take up the whole bed.

It wasn’t where he normally would be. He was too comfortable for it to be safe. He wasn’t made for satin sheets and fluffy down comforters. The last time he had been in a bed this nice he had been with someone with cruel fingers who’d paid by the hour.

He shot awake with a ragged gasp, body on fire. Panic surged under his breastbone and he scrambled to his feet. He flailed in the darkness, unsure of where he was. He staggered towards the door, chest constricting till it hurt to breathe.

He hadn’t locked the door.

_Idiot!_

He fumbled with the knob. Shaking fingers scrambled on the smooth stainless steel until he finally turned the lock. He reached for a deadbolt but of course there wasn’t one. He half fell as he turned too quickly.

_Dresser._

He heaved the sturdy wooden piece across the carpet and in front of the door. A wave of nausea rolled over him and he curled inwards. Beads of sweat ran down his bare back and soaked into a pair of boxer briefs that were just a bit too tight.

The shaking moved up his hands to his arms and chest and down his body. He tried to hold himself together against the trembling. He was too exposed, standing here where anyone could find him when they breached the door.

The closet was just the right size and he dragged the comforter in with him. He could just fight with his legs curled to his chest and it was dark and quiet. He slide the door almost closed, just leaving an inch to keep watch on the entrance to the bedroom.

Cold dripped into his brain and welled like shards of ice in his throat. It stung and prickled and tears breached his eyelids and fell to the floor. He couldn’t get warm and the shaking rattled his lungs.

He coughed and choked on the memories and buried his head under the blanket. He muffled the cries until he was too weak to even lift his head. He calmed down by degrees. First his breathing slowed and then the muscles in his neck eased. He was too hot and he fought to get the damp blanket off his face.

Clean, cool air rushed in and he drank it in. The clothes above him swayed back and forth and he reached up to touch the edge of a sleeve. It was cool and silken and slipped between his fingers. He pulled it down and rubbed his sweaty face against the jacket’s satin lining.

It smelled like Hanzo.

Guilt coiled in his belly.

A small rational part of his brain told him the fear hadn’t been caused by Hanzo. He had no reason to feel the sickening lead weight in his stomach but it persisted. He ran his hands through his sweaty hair and let the cool air on his face. He eventually managed to drag himself out of the closet and towards the bed.

Sleep wouldn’t be easy to find and he left the blanket to stand in front of the window. The city sprawled out in a forest of skyscrapers and twinkling lights. Bellcrest Park was a lush canopy of trees and gently rolling hills in the pre-dawn fog.

It coiled around the streets below where a few cars sped by before the rest of the world was awake. Jesse shivered away from the idea that Hanzo would be up soon. He had the feeling the man didn’t know how to sleep in.

A small cloud of condensation formed on the window as he sighed against it. Maybe it really was all too good to be true. Someone like him didn’t deserve the kind of care Hanzo gave him. What was he anyway but some common grunt with a sister that was his responsibility.

Hanzo would grow tired of him when he couldn’t stay the night often. Or stay late or go out on dates and wouldn’t put out.

His lips tingled at the memory of kissing just the corner of Hanzo’s mouth. His short trimmed beard had tickled and scratched. He wanted to feel it again and yet, he looked to his feet instead. He didn’t belong here. Not right now when his head was spinning and ghosts glared from the corners of the room.

Jesse found his clothes folded neatly on the chair by the door and he pulled them on as quietly as he could. They were a relief on his skin, to be fully clothed and wrapped up in the scent of home.

He moved the dresser carefully and took time to scuff the indents in the carpet out. He was running away and he knew it but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. Hanzo would know something was wrong if he took a single look at Jesse.

 _It’ll hurt him,_ he chewed on his lip with his shoes in his hand. The living room and entry were dim in the light coming in through the windows. Heartbeat loud in his ears, he got his shoes on and started to unlock the door.

He couldn’t just leave.

He slipped back to the kitchen and dug through the drawers until he found a notepad and pen. The words were shaky and he smudged the ink as he left his message. He left it on the counter, half under the bowl of fruit.

Hanzo would understand.

A calming breath and he turned the deadbolt and pulled the front door open.

  


\--

 

Hanzo froze with the skillet of pancakes hovering over a plate as his eyes fell on the single pair of shoes by the entryway. It sunk in and grew in his chest in a patch of ice. He set the skillet down on the hotpad next to two plates on a tray.

“Shit.” He dropped his head into his hands and fought down the tightness in his throat.

A slow breath tried to rein in the anxiety galloping in his chest. _What have I done wrong? What happened? Did I push too much?_

He forced himself to slow down.

There was no reason to think he had offended Jesse or made him uncomfortable. He fondly ran over the memories of last night. How warm and soft Jesse had been under his hands and how sweet his smile when they talked in the tub.

He relaxed at the bright flash of Jesse’s huge smile as they confirmed they were now boyfriends. Whatever had forced Jesse to leave was not a wrong he had made. It was unfortunate he could not impress his _boyfriend_ with breakfast in bed but Jesse would reach out to him when he was ready.

Hanzo fetched his phone from his nightstand and hit number one on his speed dial.

“What?” Genji grumbled in Japanese after a few rings.

“I have american breakfast. Join me.”

A moment of static and rustling marked Genji dragging himself out of whatever nest he’d made the night before. “It go that badly last night?”

Hanzo flushed and dropped his gaze to the pancakes. The pat of butter was sliding down the crest. “It did not go badly.”

“But he’s not there?” Genji’s voice softened a little.

“He left before I rose.”

“I’ll be over in a few.”

Hanzo sighed and put the skillet back on the stove to keep the pancakes warm. He knew his brother would enjoy eggs along with his cakes and perhaps something more filling like sausage. It took a few moments of mentally adjusting to the change in plans but by the time his brother arrived, he was smiling.

“You look like shit.”

Genji pulled his sunglasses down the tip of his nose and glared with bloodshot eyes. “I was having fun last night while you were being a big soft ball of mush.”

Hanzo leveled a glare at him but waved his brother towards the kitchen anyway. “I was being a considerate boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” Genji’s grin practically lit up the room. “Did you guys finally kiss?”

Hanzo turned away to dig into the fridge. He could feel Genji’s eyes on his back.

“So you chickened out.”

“I did not.” Hanzo grumbled and set out glasses of orange juice. He added vodka after a moment despite Genji’s grimace. The last of his champagne had been consumed last night so it would have to do. “We are going slow.”

“You are going to bore him if you crawl along.” Genji helped himself to a piece of bacon, making a show of crunching it decisively. “You said he is scared of bottoming so be the biggest bottom bitch you can and let him top.”

Hanzo rolled his eyes and sank helplessly to a bar stool. “I am not going to do such none sense to try to tempt him so.”

“Could always just suck his dick.”

“Genji!” Hanzo laughed and dropped his head onto his crossed arms dramatically. “Not everything can be solved with an orgasm.”

“I don’t know. It has worked for me in the past.”

Hanzo groaned but part of him wondered if that could be a part of the solution. Except Jesse’s reluctance was not a problem to be solved or fixed, no matter his intention. He tilted his head to rest his cheek on his forearms and found himself staring at a banana in the fruit ball. It was thick and proud, standing up with far more arrogance than it had any right to.

“He did give me permission to…” he trailed off and shook his head. He should not be discussing something so intimate with his brother but who else did he really have that would not judge him.

“Have you texted him yet?”

“Not yet.” Hanzo managed to push himself off the counter and turned to the skillet with sausage patties. He flipped them and his nose crinkled in distaste at the wells of fat. Perhaps fruit would be a welcome addition to the heavy fair.

The edge of something was sticking out from underneath the wide basket. There was a scrawl on the bottom right corner, just barely legible if he squinted a little. His heart melted and a weight lifted from his shoulders.

He pulled the slip out as nonchalantly as possible.

_Had to run. Looking forward to our next date already. -J_

“Let’s eat out on the balcony if it is not too bright for you.”

“Ugh,” Genji complained but still followed when their plates were ready. They settled at the small table and made light conversation and feasted. “When is your next date? Have you decided where you want to go?”

Hanzo hummed to himself and neatly cut off a slice of pancake. He dragged it through the syrup and popped it in his mouth with a self indulgent little sigh. “I would like to take him to somewhere nice but I fear it would make him uncomfortable to be spoiled.”

“Understandable.” Genji nodded and put his feet up on the balcony railing. He wiggled his toes and made the little cats on his socks dance. “So spoil him with something that makes him more independent.”

Hanzo nodded, mind turning the suggestion over as they finished their breakfast. He sent Genji on his way after ten and wandered through the house cleaning up and tidying. He sent the sheets from the guest bed into the wash and picked up the acrid anxiety sweat.

He prepared it with a new set for the next time Jesse might spend the night. A blush ran up his neck as he found Jesse’s boxers kicked half under the sink cabinet. He tucked them into his pocket to tamp down the sudden urge to bury his face in them. Flickers of heat sparked in his gut and he ran his fingers lightly along the waistband.

Jesse had given him permission to fantasize and he bit his lip. A dull throb started in his groin and he tried to bring his thoughts back to safe territory. _His hands would slide over my back, calluses scratching on the hard planes of my shoulders. Jesse’s strong fingers trailing down the sensitive crease of his hip and groin and tenderly nudging aside his balls._

Hanzo dragged in a shaky breath and steadied himself with a hand on the countertop. A whimper broke from his lips as his cock stiffened against his silk boxers. He chewed on his lip as his free hand trailed down his middle. Jesse’s would be nervous but eager, tease him with a kiss on his belly and lick at the vee leading to his groin.

He gulped and palmed himself through his sweatpants. His dick twitched against his palm and filled more as images of Jesse above him welled up. He wanted to run his fingers over the hard valleys and ridges of his abs and through the lush dark hair on his chest. He would taste divine on his tongue and stroke his cheek with his thumb as Hanzo swallowed him down.

Instead, Hanzo dragged his hand away and quickly grabbed his phone.

“I’m thinking of you this morning.” He sent it to Jesse before he could talk himself out of it and before he could talk himself _into_ adding a picture of the tent at the front of his trousers. He would see if Jesse wanted to see it first like a proper gentleman.

  
  
  



	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Suzie_B and Kelsey for sponsoring this chapter! You are the best <3

“Jesse!” Mabel ran to the kitchen table with a massive smile on her face.

“Hey, Sunshine,” Jesse said through a yawn. He wasn’t surprised when his little sister half climbed into his lap. “Have a good sleepover?”

“She did very well,” Ms Amari murmured over her tea cup. She was all too awake, they both were. “I believe I would like to keep her for my little assistant all the time.”

Mabel stuck her tongue out before burrowing into Jesse’s side and he wrapped an arm around her. “Thank you kindly for watching her last night.”

Ana shot him a smirk but didn’t press him for more of what happened. The dark circles under his eyes betrayed the distress he’d suffered.

The warm little huffs of breath against his neck soothed him and he drew his sister closer. He could feel her talking silently to herself. “What clouds are in your sky, Mabs?” he kept his voice low but Ms Amari seemed to take the hint. She rose gracefully and stepped into the tiny living room and turned on the tv.

“You were gone all night.”

“I was with Hanzo.” Jesse ran a hand through her wild fuzzy curls. “We had a good time.”

“I don’t like you being gone.”

“You didn’t like staying here?” Jesse’s brows drew down across his nose and he pulled back enough to search her eyes. Guilt was heavy and cold in his stomach as she chewed on her lip and shifted from foot to foot.

“I like it here i just… i was worried.” She admitted and hung her head. Her narrow shoulders shook. “What if you had to do something you… you don't want to do anymore or…”

Jesse slide his hands up to cup her face and he caught a glimpse into the turmoil deep inside her. A tear welled up and ran down her cheek. Jesse brushed it away with his thumb, just the lightest touch.

“You don’t have to worry about me.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead. A curl tickled his nose and he nuzzled in to press another to the top of her head. “I can take care of myself and Hanzo is real nice t’me.”

She wilted at the last words, little shoulders slumping. Jesse frowned, fighting down the hot rush of confusion and anger. She liked Hanzo, she should have been happy things were going so well--

Tears bubbled up in Jesse’s eyes and his breath caught on a shard of glass in his throat. “Mabel, look at me.” She refused. “Mabel, I love you more than the flowers love the sun. I won’t ever, ever leave you. Not for a million bucks and not ever for a man, no matter how nice or rich he is. I’m not going to abandon you to try to get myself a better life.”

Mabel broke down into sobbing and Jesse pulled her close.

She clung to him like a lifeline.

Hours later, they were back in their little home and Jesse was half asleep. Mabel was reading in her bed, occasionally reading a passage out loud for him. He rested his head on the small nightstand, back braced on the chipped wood.

“He ate bad berries.” Mabel leaned over and Jesse wasn’t surprised when she patted the top of his head. “Remember when we ate all the blackberries off that farmer’s bushes and he chased us off with a shotgun?”

“Sure do.” Jesse sighed, not seeing much humor in it, even now years later. He was glad Mabel seemed to remember it as a fun adventure. Those had been rough days after leaving Deadlock and they had been lucky to find free food where they could.

“And when we got chased by a goat?”

“He was big enough to ride,” Jesse chuckled. He could still remember the taste of those stolen watermelons and the bitterness of exhaust and dust on the road. They had gotten sick from eating too much and ended up throwing most of it up.

“We got it pretty good, don’t we?”

The thought kept rumbling in his head as Mabel read “Hatchet” and he cleaned the apartment. Methodically, without really thinking, he moved through the kitchen. The dishes were hand washed and set to dry and the counters got a thorough scrubbing without Jesse seeing any of it.

He ran the vacuum over threadbare carpet and shook out the curtains. He wasn’t paying attention to anything or how he’d gotten dust over everything again. The order of cleaning never seemed to stick and he could only vaguely remember his mother and father taking care of the house.

A sweet low voice like an angel’s drifted into his mind and the fuzzy sunlight of a childhood was bright in his eyes. His mother’s rough and calloused hand was tender on his head as she passed by with a basket of wet laundry on her hip.

The wind made the sheets on the line billow and flap like wild ships at sea and Jesse ran between them. Fresh air filled his lungs and he laughed like a cascade of butterflies when his father darted into scoop him up.

He tasted freedom as he was tossed high in the air and there was no fear of being dropped. He had not known what it was like to fall and every day was a sweet exploration of a safe world.

The ping of his cell made him come back to the dingy room. He was standing in the middle of the living room staring at nothing. How much time had passed? He wasn’t sure as he dug the phone out of his jeans. It was late enough that he needed to start thinking of what to make for lunch. He settled on the couch before opening the message from Hanzo, a little squirm of anticipation and anxiety working away in his stomach.

A smile nudged up his cheeks to see Hanzo was thinking of him. He was quick to respond with a similar message. He chose to ignore the hint of  innuendo, scattering away from thoughts still too fresh.

[I enjoyed our time together last night, Jesse. ]

[Me too. Sorry I had to run out this morning.] Jesse slumped over on the couch with a yawn. The sleepless night was catching up to him and he dragged a blanket over him. [hows your day going?] Jesse considered the message. It was mundane. Boring. He should make an effort to be more fun for his boyfriend.

The word sent a thrill through him to the tips of his toes and he wiggled them excitedly. They were officially dating and Hanzo had only treated him with tenderness and a slow methodical affection.

The smell of the bubble bath still clung to him under the sharp notes of anxiety sweat and he focused on it. He had kissed Hanzo, a half kiss at the least, and thrummed with desire while Hanzo’s hands had massaged his back.

The heat simmered in his gut and he twisted to lay on his stomach. The pressure helped dull the need and he sighed with his phone clutched in his hand. Hanzo was a bright bubble of sunlight and jesse smiled at the confidence swelling his chest.

[I want to see you again.]

[Can I pick you and Mabel up for a lunch outing?]

 

-

 

Hanzo smoothed where his tie normally was only to shake his head at the nervous tick. The cable knit sweater didn’t need smoothing after all and he was only stalling. He bounced on the balls of his feet on the faded welcome mat in front of Jesse’s door.

A chilly wind snaked around his legs and tried to get up his shirt. It would be thanksgiving soon and he was hoping to spend it with his boyfriend and brother and a little ragtag group of friends they had made here.

He knocked and didn’t have to fake a smile as he waited. It didn’t take long before the door opened a crack and Mabel’s face peeked through.

“Password?”

Hanzo paused, head tilted to the side. “Please?” He tried after a moment.

Mabel snickered and closed the door.

“Wait!” He almost grabbed the knob but caught himself. He had to be careful not to scare her. After a moment of staring at the door, he knocked again.

“Password?” Mabel was grinning, all teeth through the inch wide gap.

“Can I have a hint?” Hanzo returned it, amused by her persistence.

“It’s green.”

“I see.” Hanzo laughed, a deep belly shaking laugh and he reached for his wallet. “How much is the tole to enter?” He dipped his fingers into the wallet, feeling the bills inside. “I am sure there is a tax for arriving early as well.”

Mabel’s eyes were huge as she glanced over her shoulder. “You won’t tell Jesse?”

“I am sure it will not hurt to tell him.”

“He’ll make me give it back.” Mabel guilty opened the door more. “I was just teasing.”

Hanzo nodded, understanding her reluctance and he pledged to buy her an extra be dessert after they ate lunch. He stepped into the apartment, noting it was much cleaner than before and that the air mattress he’d bought for Jesse months ago was propped up against the wall to make room during the day.

Mabel darted off down the hall and Hanzo stood awkwardly in the entryway. The couch looked warm and comfortable but it was perhaps presumptuous to make himself at home. He glanced to the kitchen, noting the well stocked shelves where a cabinet door was left open. There was fresh fruit on the counter in a bowl and he smiled to see they were set.

He would perhaps send some extra funds with the next delivery to be used to get some new decorations for the place. Or take the duo out shopping if they would like. He knew Mabel would agree and happily accept his help. Jesse would protest.

The man of his thoughts emerged from the bathroom with a red face and damp hair. “Howdy! Sorry about the wait, took longer t’get ready than i thought.”

Hanzo prowled closer, eyes dragging over tight black jeans and a crimson button down that brought out the beautiful color of his skin. “It was well worth the wait.” He stepped close to his boyfriend and trailed a hand up his neck to cup his cheek. “You are sinfully handsome, Jesse McCree.”

“Could say the same bout you.” Jesse’s rich voice sent a shiver through him. “Your hair’s even prettier when it’s down.”

Hanzo didn’t dare breath as Jesse ran a hand through it. The rough calluses caught on his scalp in a delicious tug. Jesse tried to pull away but Hanzo didn’t let him. He covered Jesse’s hand with his own and leaned into it.

“I am selfish, to desire more of your touch after last night.”

“Good to get my hands on you a little.” Jesse was so close Hanzo could see each little freckle across his nose. “Maybe even give you a massage this time.”

“I would enjoy that.” Hanzo tilted his head and pressed a soft kiss to Jesse’s palm. “And enjoy taking you out and spoiling you with dinner and a movie and all the popcorn and candy you can eat.”

“Damn.” Jesse whistled but it turned into a chuckle. “Don’t you know how to seduce a man properly.”

“Perhaps Friday?” Hanzo didn’t want there to be any chance for Jesse to think himself out of it. “If you can find a babysitter for Mabel?”

“I’ll try.” Jesse’s lips shaped each word like they were sweet and Hanzo ached to kiss them. To taste each little bit of laughter and smile and sink together into the molten heat just out of reach.

“Can you put a ribbon in my hair?”

Hanzo started back and the cold rushed in where they had almost been chest to chest. Mabel was standing a little behind Jesse with a blue ribbon in her hand and a hair tie in the other.

“Sure thing, Sweetpea.”

The switch was so quick, Hanzo almost didn’t see it. There had just been the smallest bit of guilt in Jesse’s eyes and Hanzo stepped away to give the two privacy. He looked into the kitchen. The countertop was chipped and one of the cabinet doors was hanging at a crazed angle.

“Mr Shimada, do you know any fun braids?”

Hanzo relaxed with a nod, realizing he was probably over thinking. “I know several. When my hair was longer, I enjoyed braiding it and it was a practical style.” He followed the two into the living room and onto the couch. “It was too much of a handhold.”

“Where you a fighter?”

Hanzo blinked, eyes darting to Jesse and he gave the tiniest of nods. “I practiced karate and sparred in many matches. I was quite good.”

“Do you know a lot of holds?”

“Don’t let her get you started or we’ll end up on the floor wrestling.”

“I like to know how to defend myself.” Mabel stuck her tongue out at Jesse over her shoulder. “Farah’s teaching me how to fight but she is all about playing fair and by the rules.”

“You won’t need t’be gouging out eyes or pulling hair.” Jesse huffed but there was an undercurrent to his words. Hanzo feared that Jesse believed there might still come a time when Mabel would have to defend her own life.

“You will not have to fight if you do not want to.” Hanzo fought down a fierce snarl, something deep and best left forgotten growling to life. No one would hurt the little girl while he was alive. “But if you do, there are no rules. No matter what, you do whatever you have to do to win.”

Hanzo reached into his pocket, feeling for a familiar weight. The small knife was warm in his palm, just the right size to be hidden away. It would fit her hand well enough. He looked up at Jesse for permission but what he saw were stars shining in his eyes.

The looks stayed as they found their way to the restaurant and settled into a booth near a fireplace. The wind had picked up and a chill made the McCrees huddle together. Jesse’s serape came off and was draped around Mabel’s shoulders. She snuggled deep into the worn folds with her knees drawn up to her chest.

“What can we eat here?” she asked as the waitress came over with menus.

Hanzo accepted the drink menu and glanced over it. Jesse wouldn’t be drinking and he did not want to indulge if he was driving after lunch. He grinned up at the waitress as he handed it back.

“Three virgin peppermint hot chocolates.”

“So… no alcohol?”

“Add extra whipped cream.”

Mabel giggled, bouncing slightly in the booth. “Thank you, Mr Shimada!”

“It’ll warm us all.” Hanzo took the moment to slide his foot into Jesse’s space. Their boots brushed against each other and Jesse’s eyes widened slightly. Hanzo waited for him to withdraw. Instead Jesse pressed firmer against him and slide his food till their ankles rubbed.

Sparks tingled up and down his spine and he had to take a drink of his water to distract himself. Jesse continued to rub lightly up and down his leg and his thickly muscled calf seemed made to fit with Hanzo’s own.

“Do you still do karate?”

Hanzo glanced over to Mabel and nodded. “I do not fight competitively but I spar frequently at the dojo. My brother not often willing to join me on the mats but we try to workout together.”

“Jesse could spar with you!”

“Mabel.”

“He could.” Hanzo pressed his leg into Jesse’s with a low, slow smile that made Jesse’s ears tinge red. “I would even go easy on him and maybe let him win.”

“Now, it ain’t fair to ask me t’fight ya when I’m out of practice and don’t know any of those fancy ninja moves.”

“I would love to give you a personal demonstration sometime.”

Jesse’s adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed and Hanzo couldn’t tear his eyes away.

“I think I”d like that mighty fine.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Suzie_B and Fujo for this chapter <3

A cold wind cut through the worksite kicking up dust and fallen leaves. It snaked up Jesse’s one size too small jacket and curled around his throat. He coughed it off and sank the shovel into the gravel again. Sweat ran down his back and froze as he tossed the gravel into the cement mixer.

Cars zipped by close enough to make him jump. The orange cones set up on the shoulder didn’t seem like enough protection to him. He shifted as far away as he could set, watching the vehicles fly by on his left side.

Something cold and wet landed on his cheek and he looked up at the november sky. Sleet was coming down and he shuddered. Mabel would be catching the bus alone in the bad weather because he was stuck here.

She would have to go home to a cold apartment up icy stairs and try to keep warm. The heater was acting up again but getting ahold of the landlord was nearly impossible. His angry phone calls to the front desk hadn’t gotten his pitiful home any attention.

The electric blanket and space heater would at least provide a little extra heat. She knew to use the microwave if she needed to heat food or make tea. The stove was off limits while he wasn’t home.

Jesse wiped sweat from his brow on the back of his forearm. It left a streak of gray dust on his skin. Breathing heavier than normal, he glanced over the job site. They would be here for months, right at the side of a busy highway.

_ Ms. Amari could look after Mabel, _ he chewed his bottom lip and absently tore off the chapped skin with his teeth. She had been kind enough to help out before but he hesitated to ask for help again so soon.

His phone beeped in his jacket pocket, the sound transmitting to the sound blocking ear protection. He fished out the device and struggled to get it unlocked with gloved fingers. Hanzo’s message was like a cup of coffee on the cold afternoon and Jesse eagerly opened it.

[Keeping warm? It’s sleeting here at the office.]

A picture quickly followed and Jesse pressed his phone to his chest for a moment. Hanzo all dressed up for work was hard on his heart. The small black framed glasses perched on his nose tip were almost his undoing. There was a sleet coated window in the picture too but Jesse didn’t even see it.

Sneaking a look at the Foreman, he turned to hide texting back. He knew it was cheesy and probably too predictable but there wasn’t time to think of anything more clever.

[Wish you were here. I’m freezing my balls off.]

Jesse didn’t get the phone back into his pocket before it went off again.

[Are you working out in this?]

[Gonna be here till after dark] Jesse hit send a second before the foreman was barking at him to get back to work. He guilty shoved the phone back in his jacket and got back to the back breaking labor.

The cold soaked into his bones and shards of ice spiked in his veins. Sleet slowly turned his tan jacket brown and Jesse suffered through it. The bus ride home passed in a blurr and he tilted his head to rest against the bar he held. 

_ I need a new job. _

The thought resonated as he dragged his feet up the stairs. They were slick and he held onto the rickety rail to keep standing. His boots squeaked on the old welcome mat as he unlocked the door.

It rattled before swinging open to a warm apartment.

A sigh of relief emptied the frozen air from his chest. The landlord had finally fixed the heat.

The cold came rushing back and Jesse lunged into the apartment. Mabel had been here alone for the last two hours. If someone else had been in the space...

A storm of chaos raged in Jesse’s mind, making it hard to breath, and he raced to her bedroom. “Mabel?” he called, looking for signs of her.

The bedroom was empty.

He darted to the bathroom and opened the cracked door. “Mabel, baby, where are you?” Burning tendrils of panic wrapped his arms and legs and he struggled to keep from fearing the worst. No one would steal Mabel. There was no on hunting them. They were safe here.

He managed to lower his voice as he moved into the living room. “Mabel, it’s Jesse. I know you’re scared… but you’re safe. I’m here and no one is going to hurt you.”

Jesse sat on the floor with his back against the stained couch and waited. It wasn’t the first time this had happened. There was a lullaby, something old and soft from before the world became cruel to the McCrees, and he hummed it under his breath.

A cabinet door creaked in the kitchen.

Jesse didn’t look up from his hands in his lap.

The soft tap of a hand hitting the linoleum tile was music to his hears. The last of the fear leached out of him into the cold floor and he opened his arms. Mabel scrambled across the empty ground and threw herself against his chest.

“I got you, I got you.” Jesse repeated again and again, petting his baby sister’s shaking back. Tears streamed down her face and dripped onto his shoulder. Small fingers dug into his shoulder and neck hard enough to bruise but he didn’t try to hurry her or try to get up. He just held her tighter until the sobbing quieted.

The unspoken fear, the trauma, moved between them.

Jesse slowly got to his feet, carrying Mabel in his arms. He didn’t set her down on the bed. He knew better than that and instead gently laid her on the floor. He grabbed the blankets and pillows off her bed and pushed them under the bed. He pushed Mabel into the quiet, dark confines and wedged himself in to block out the world.

It was a tight fit and his shoulders ached from the cramp but it was a small price to pay. Mabel began to whisper, first to herself, so fast he couldn’t make anything out. But slowly, as the evening turned into night, she found words and Jesse let her speak them into the safe place they had made.

Everything else was secondary.

It was far past midnight when Jesse had to get up. HIs stomach gnawed on his spine and he had to rush to the bathroom to relieve himself. He groaned as he washed up and shrugged out of his dirty, sweat and sleet dampened clothes.

He left them on the floor as he stared at the shower. It wasn’t a bubble bath fit for a king or a candlelit space of romance. A moment of longing passed through him, he could be asleep in a king size bed, stuffed with gourmet food and muscles relaxed from a massage. 

Pain throbbed in his shoulder from laying on the floor and he pressed his hands to the closed door.

He was so tired.

The world swayed around him, blurring at the edges. He blinked the tears away and turned to shower. Life didn’t stop just because he wanted it to. All he could do was hold on and pray for better days.

He woke late, to the feeling of a hand on his face. He reared back only there was no room to move and he cracked his head against the bed frame.

Mabel shoved him again and he groaned as he rolled out of the way. Mabel scrambled past him, half elbowing him in the ribs on the way. It hurt dully, somewhere far off and Jesse watched the ceiling fan above him swing back and forth like a pendulum.

He was so cold and hot all at the same time. Sweat trickled down his scalp and soaked into the threadbare carpet. His throat ached and he struggled to swallow.

_ Fuck, _ Jesse whined as he slowly sat up. The floor pitched up wildly to meet him and he barely kept from falling on his face. His arms shook as he strained to get up to all fours. The world swam and he struggled to raise his head.

He couldn’t be sick.

_ What time is it? _ Jesse jerked up, hands clutching at Mabel’s night stand to pick up her clock. It was almost nine already. He was late to work. Mabel was late to school. He staggered to his feet and out into the hall.

“Mabel, we gotta hurry,” he croaked, mouth full of sand. He slumped against the wall for a moment to catch his breath.

Mabel stuck her head out of the bathroom, eyes red from crying the night before still. She shook her head.

“You gotta go to school.”

She shook her head again and closed the door.

Jesse sighed and slowly made his way to the living room. He fell onto the couch, breathing heavily from exertion. If Mabel was still non-verbal, there was no point trying to force her to go to school. She wouldn’t be there mentally even if she was physically.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed before Mabel appeared in front of him. She held out his phone and he took it gratefully. They could at least communicate this way like the old times. When he unlocked it, it wasn’t a message from Mabel he was looking at.

He flicked through the conversation with dread welling up inside him. Mabel had been talking the Hanzo, without telling him it was her and her last text stared at Jesse.

[Please take care of us.]

“Mabel, why?” he croaked. You couldn’t just ask someone to come over and take care of you because you were sick. Definitely not a boyfriend that you had only gone on one real date with so far. And especially not to care for a little sister in the mix and Jesse groaned.

He put his hands over his face.

Mabel just turned on the tv, set it to a children’s science show, and wriggled onto the couch near his feet with a blanket. Jesse sighed and managed to raise the phone to his face. He started to type out an apology and explanation.

The typing symbol popped up, three little dots that made his stomach flip hard enough to make him woozy. He waited, trying to keep his eyes uncrossed until he rested the phone on his chest. He was too tired to hold it up.

The ping made him sick and he let it sit for a while. Long enough that he could gather his courage before reading it. When he finally did, it made him smile.

 

\--

 

Hanzo smiled when Jesse’s apartment door cracked open, fully expecting to see the small child. The shock of her face punched him in the gut and he barely kept his face under control. The deep bags under her eyes looked like almost like bruises and a sallow tint to her skin hinted at exhaustion that went deeper than the physical.

“May I come in?” He spoke quietly and pitched his voice low and soft.

Mabel studied him, half slumped against the door frame before opening it. Hanzo shivered, as if he had passed a test, but walked confidently into the apartment. He went to the kitchen first and deposited the brown paper bags in his arms. 

The child followed him like a shadow. 

“Have you eaten breakfast?” Hanzo murmured, waiting for her to shake her head before pulling out pancake mix and a bag of chocolate chips. She nodded and he smiled. Genji had been stricken mute by the weight of trauma before, when they were young and covered in blood.

Hanzo pushed the memories of his past aside as he started the pancake batter. Mabel handed him the measuring cups without asking and they cooked quietly side by side. She was quick with the chocolate and nibbled the chips when she thought he wasn’t looking.

He picked up a few and tossed them back with a smile. She giggled, a feathery sound like she couldn’t catch her breath, but it was a good sign. Together, they washed fresh strawberries and Hanzo sliced them with a steady hand. 

Soon there were two piled high plates of food and the two were seated on the floor around the rickety coffee table. Hanzo took the end so he could keep an eye on Jesse. The man was passed out still, shivering under a blanket in the warm apartment. Hanzo hesitated to wake him but medicine would help with his recovery.

“Jesse?” He leaned close, not daring to touch his shoulder. 

The man stirred with a grumble before going still again. Hanzo waited, eating a few of the strawberries on Jesse’s plate and watching the children’s program with Mabel. The puppets amused and terrified him in equal measure.

The little girl was soon stuffed with pancakes, fruit and fast asleep. 

Hanzo smiled fondly at her before rising. He didn’t wash the dishes but he put away the ingredients and wiped the counters down. There wasn’t much he could do without waking the sleeping McCrees but he prepared a simple tray.

He added a glass of juice, one of water and some crackers before adding several medicines. He wasn’t sure if Jesse had any allergies so he had bought half the pharmacy. Eventually, there was nothing left to do and he returned to the living room.

Mabel was curled into a tight ball, only the top of her head poking out. Jesse was tossing and turning restlessly, sweat running down his temples and into his hair. Hanzo approached with care. The floor was hard on his knees but he pushed the discomfort to the side as he shuffled forward. 

Leaning close, he studied his boyfriend’s face. Exhaustion clung to the bags under his eyes and the hollowness of his cheeks and his lips were cracked from the cold wind. Hanzo sighed, wishing he could wisk away the pain but it was never that easy.

“Jesse?” He murmured, hand hovering over Jesse’s shoulder. The man grumbled, voice a low rasp but didn’t wake. “Jesse, it is time to wake up.”

Jesse’s eyes slowly opened, glazed over and unfocused. A smile cracked his lips and it quickly fell into a slack-line. “You came?”

“Of course,” hanzo stroked along the man’s arm down to gather his hand in his own. “You asked me to take care of you. You are feverish and sick.” Hanzo leaned in to press their foreheads together. Jesse was burning and clammy all at once. “Let me help like a good boyfriend should.”

“You’re my boyfriend?” Jesse’s bleary smile made Hanzo’s chest clench. “How’d I pull that off?”

“I ask myself the same,” Hanzo murmured before forcing himself to pull back. “We can talk more later, when you’re feeling better. First, I need you to drink some water for me. Can you do that for me, Jesse?”

Jesse nodded weakly but didn’t shift to sit up. Hanzo eased his arm under the bulk of his boyfriend’s shoulders and helped him up a little. He kept his arm around him as he offered the glass of water first. He pressed it to Jesse’s trembling lips and guided him into drinking it.

Little by little, in unsure sips, Jesse managed to take more of it. An exhausted sigh signaled the end and Hanzo set it down on the coffee table. “You did very well. You’re almost done and can sleep again.”

“You gonna sleep with me?”

Hanzo blinked and then laughed softly. “You are delirious Jesse. Do you remember if you are allergic to any medications?” Jesse shook his head no and after a few more questions, Hanzo was confident in having him take something for his sore throat and body aches.

He helped Jesse lay down on the couch and got the blankets pulled up to his chin. He tucked the man in on the sagging couch and left to fetch an ice pack for his head. He situated the cold pack and tucked Jesse’s shaggy hair back from his face. It was sweaty and stuck to his head in places but Hanzo kept running his fingers through it.

“Sleep, my darlin’,” Hanzo murmured when Jesse tried to speak. “I will take care of Mabel and be here when you wake.”

“Thank you.”

Hanzo smiled as Jesse dozed off, looking more peaceful. He trailed his fingertips over the feverish skin, mapping the strong nose and hefty cheekbones down to his jaw. The stubble prickled and tingled against his fingertips and he followed it down Jesse’s neck. He gave Jesse’s traps a gentle squeeze before leaning forward to rest his head on his boyfriend’s chest. 

He hadn’t been planning on falling sleep but Jesse was warm and solid and the bubble of hope lifted away his worries. Jesse trusted him, wanted him around, trusted him to be in his home when he was weak and protect his little sister.

He didn’t know when Mabel scooted over but he lifted his arm automatically to let her close. She propped her head on his shoulder and put part of her blanket around him. He cracked an eye and was relieved to see her settling down.

He hugged her loosely and let his head fall back to rest on the couch again. How had he gotten so lucky, to have a chance to be apart of their small family.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you suzie for sponsoring this chapter ❤️

“Do you need anything?”

Jesse pried his eyes open and blinked to try to bring Hanzo into focus. The dim light of the tv screen turned his hair into quicksilver. “I’m good, sweetheart,” he croaked, throat still raw and painful.

“Are you sure? I can bring you another cup of tea or medicine?” Hanzo settled on the couch, taking advantage of the space near Jesse’s stomach.

Jesse curled around him as much as he could. “Mabel doing okay?”

“She is in the kitchen. I let her have my tablet. She is quite invested in a drawing of a green unicorn at the moment.”

“She get dinner?” Jesse tried to push into a seated position but his arms wavered.

“I made miso soup and some teriyaki chicken and rice.” Hanzo’s words held a tenderness Jesse wasn’t ready for. He closed his eyes to seal in tears and rest his head back on the arm of the couch.

“She talking yet?” Jesse’s voice strained through the knot in his throat. He smiled as Hanzo pulled the blankets higher on his chest and smoothed the cold rag on his forehead.

“She has spoken a little.”

Jesse sighed in relief. The tension slowly drained out of him and he managed to smile. “Thank goodness.”

“Drink some soup for me?” Hanzo raised a mug and offered it for Jesse to smell.

He took a deep whiff and after a moment, nodded. “It smells good. I’ll try.”

Jesse reached for the mug, hands shaking like a leaf in a gale.

“No, let me. Please.” Hanzo’s smile was so sweet Jesse thought he was dreaming. He rested in the strong curve of Hanzo’s arm and let his boyfriend hold the cup to his lips. He managed to sip some of the miso and warmth flooded down his scratchy throat. It spread out from his stomach and chased away the worst of the chill.

Drinking slowly, he let the love fill him up.

“Thanks… for coming.”

“What else would a boyfriend do but take care of his partner?” Hanzo leaned in and Jesse pushed up slightly to press their foreheads together.

“Ain’t nobody taken care of me in...in forever.” Jesse sighed, eyes falling closed and he breathed in the smell of soup and chicken and cologne. He blamed the weepy feeling on his sickness and tried to push forward past the neediness in his chest. “Don’t suppose… I could convince you to stay a little longer?”

“I’ll stay as long as you like.” Hanzo rumbled soft and low. The words settled around him like a blanket and Jesse let himself drift off again.

He was safe.

-

 

Hanzo woke with a start, heart in his throat and hand scrambling for a knife that wasn’t there. The air mattress underneath him rose as something climbed in with him. He whipped to the side, ready to fend off a killer in the strange room.

Jesse’s bleary face hovered in the darkness above him.

He was shaking like a leaf, teeth chattering despite the blankets wrapped around his shoulders. The apartment was comfortable and Hanzo raised a hand to carefully feel his boyfriend’s forehead.

“You still have a fever,” Hanzo murmured. He offered his own blanket. He could always put his coat back on if he ended up cold. He should have guessed what happened next but his sleepy brain wasn’t quite fast enough.

Instead of taking the blanket, Jesse shuffled forward on his knees and half fell onto the mattress. It bounced Hanzo into the air an inch or so and he grunted in surprise. Jesse seemed not to mind laying face down on the sheets but Hanzo worried he might suffocate.

He hauled on Jesse’s arm, trying to roll him over. The younger man groaned and muttered and shuffled closer without pulling his head up. He was burning up despite the chills. A sickly furnace that was chasing Hanzo across the mattress.

“Jesse, you should go back to the couch.” Hanzo managed to get an arm under Jesse’s broad chest. “Sleeping sitting up will help with your drainage.”

“Dun wanna. Cold.” Jesse muttered, slumping boneless into Hanzo’s grip.

He was a big man and the air mattress betrayed Hanzo. He couldn’t brace properly and they both toppled over with a bounce. It might have been funny at another time. Hanzo could imagine the flirting they could have about extra leverage and bouncing if Jesse wasn’t panting in the throws of a fever.

Hanzo stroked sweaty hair back from Jesse’s face and tucked it behind his ears. It seemed to calm his boyfriend and he repeated the gesture. Jesse sighed and leaned into it. His eyes were unfocused but they managed to follow Hanzo’s hand. He tentatively brushed his fingertips along the curve of Jesse’s cheek.

A smile of relief flooded over the man’s face and the tension drained out of him all at once. He melted into the mattress with his eyes almost closed. He blinked long and slow as Hanzo trailed his fingers through the mess of hair again and again.

Hanzo rolled to his back when he knew Jesse was asleep with a sigh. He had imagined the first time they shared a bed, it would have been with candles and wine. Jesse would he laughing and teasing with clever hands and greedy kisses that would leave them breathless.

If he was lucky, Jesse would push him gently down to the sheets and crawl between his legs. He would move with confidence, completely at ease as they undressed each other. Laughter would bubble up and they would kiss as Jesse’s hand roamed down his stomach. Murmured encouragement would replace demands for more as Jesse pressed against him and explored each other until they came together as easy as a smile.

Hanzo blinked and twisted to look down as the object of his affection scooted to press flush to his side. Hanzo adjusted his arm and Jesse claimed his bicep as a pillow as he slung an arm across Hanzo.

He smiled as he curled his arm to wrap Jesse up in return. It wasn’t what he would have expected but this was a special kind of sweetness the joining. Hanzo played with the wild hair at the back of Jesse’s neck until his wheezing slowed into snores.

Hanzo pressed a kiss to the man’s sweaty forehead before drifting off himself.

Light creeping through the blinds woke him early in the morning and he squinted against the intrusion. Distant traffic made its way to him and the slamming of doors in the apartment complex to torment Hanzo as he tried to fall back asleep. Jesse was sleeping peacefully, pressed up against him, face cuddled into the curve of his neck.

Hanzo carefully felt his forehead, trying not to wake him. The fever seemed to have broken sometime in the night. It brought a wave of relief through Hanzo.

“Good boy.” He patted Jesse’s shoulder before pulling him tighter.

Eyes closed, he slowed his breathing. He would doubtlessly have endless phone calls and texts to answer when he dragged himself out of bed. The thought made him turn closer to Jesse and he wished they were tucked away in a bed and breakfast upstate. There would be room service of waffles and whipped cream delivered in an hour and then maybe they could wander down for coffee on the porch.

“Mornin’,” Jesse’s words were hot on Hanzo’s skin and he pulled back slightly.

“How are you feeling, my darling?”

“Better.” Jesse dragged a hand down his face, shadows under his eyes still but they were much clearer. “Like shit. But better.”

Hanzo waited for the rug to be ripped out from under him as Jesse languidly stretched. Their thighs bumped together and Jesse’s slipped between his before settling down again. Dark eyelashes fanned over his cheeks as he relaxed, curled Hanzo on his side.

Hanzo didn’t dare breathe, waiting for Jesse to realize where he was and throw himself back. Heart braced to see fear, panic, shame, Hanzo was frozen as Jesse tucked his shoulder up and rolled closer to him.

Big soft eyes drifted closed and the lines of exhaustion melted into something sweeter and softer. Hanzo slowly let go of the breath he had been holding and blinked back tears.

With trembling hands, Hanzo lowered himself back to the mattress and turned his torso full towards Jesse. A gentle caress to his cheek made the man nuzzle in and give a sleepy sigh. His eyes fluttered half open and he smiled sweet enough to melt Hanzo to the core.

“I was hopin’ that you’d stay the night.”

-

 

Hanzo sighed as he set his bags down on the floor be the front door. The apartment was bright, warm and sparkling from a maid service but it didn’t compare to where he had left. The McCree’s home had needed help but being with the two joyful souls had been like a small paradise.

He toed off his shoes and set them to dry on the mat. Slush filled the road and snowflakes clung to his jacket as he peeled himself out. The city would soon be covered in white and the weekend promised an excuse to be lazy.

Hanzo went to the fridge and then to the living room before wandering into his bedroom. It was as barren as when he had left it. Only a hastily tossed tie on the bed showed he’d even lived here.

He hung it up with care in his closet and shuffled back to the couch. He settled in and pulled a blanket up to his lap. It was unnecessary but something was comforting about it. Flipping through the channels, he decided on a documentary because he needed to feed his brain.

It left him bored and restless and he pulled out his cell.

[Do you still have the kotatsu?] he sent to his brother, wistfully remembering happy times in their youth. It was not the same of course but the nostalgia clung to it. It didn’t take long for his brother to respond with snark, teasing and eventually offering to bring the heated table over.

“How is Jesse?” Genji asked as Hanzo pulled snacks out of the pantry.

“His fever is broken.” Hanzo sighed wistfully. “He sent me home to get rest before I fall ill myself.”

“And you called me over? I'm touched,” Genji laughed and it was too loud.

Hanzo decided to fish out two aspirin before they headed to the kotatsu. It felt like the best part of home as he slid his legs under the heavy blanket. Wiggling his toes under the heat, relaxing bit by bit and they shared snacks and watched movies.

It was good not to be alone.

“You are going to come to thanksgiving.” Hanzo didn’t ask it as a question.

“Guess so.”

“Are you bringing the good Doctor?” Hanzo nudged his brother in the side with a sly smirk.

“I think it’s too soon to ask her.” Genji propped his chin in his hand and stared morosely at his can of coffee. “You going to ask Jesse and Mabel?”

It was Hanzo’s turn to sigh.

He wanted Jesse with him and daydreams of Thanksgiving dinner with the McCrees and Genji all around the table. Jesse would insist on helping him in the kitchen as they prepped the sides and Jesse would tug on his apron pulls. Sneaky kisses hidden behind open cabinet doors would pepper between familial hugs and games.

They could even go to the park and throw around an american football just like in the holiday movies.

Genji knocked him out of his musings by changing the channel from the random cooking show to a rerun of naruto. A struggle over the remote ended in both brothers laughing and exhausted.

They napped half under the kotatsu just like when they were children.

 

-

 

A snowball knocked Jesse back and he almost tumbled down into the thick, fluffy snow. “Mabel!” Jesse laughed as he wiped the snow off his face. “You’re gonna pay for that!” He lunged through a snow drift and chased the little bundle of mischief around the swingset.

Mabel’s giggling made clouds form around her. Hanzo had gotten them both thick coats, gloves and boots  on the last visit. Jesse wanted to protest at the name brand but he couldn’t deny working outside had been much easier.

Mabel darted up a covered slide and Jesse stuck his head and shoulders up. “You get back here, missy!” He grabbed at her feet but missed. He could fit going down but climbing up was out of the question.

He popped out and scrambled up the frozen chain mesh wall to the top of the toy structure. His heart lifted and soared to see Mabel gleeful and laughing as she swung onto the monkey bars. Jesse slide to a halt at the start of them and could only smile.

Jumping down from the colorful playset, he ran up to her dangling legs and scooped her up onto his shoulder. She squealed and smacked him with frozen mittens around the head. His cowboy hat went flying but her blows were gentle.

“You've gotten bigger,” Jesse huffed and playfully bounced her into the air a few inches. “Soon you’ll be as tall as me and ready t’kick some ass.”

“I am going to be taller than you.” She stuck her tongue out and managed to slide off his shoulder. A pang shot through him. She would not be a little girl forever. Soon there would be boys and makeup and worries about school dances.

He wished that she could have had a real childhood before growing up.

They finished a snowman and put his cowboy hat on it. Mabel insisted they take a selfie and Jesse laughed so see how red his nose and cheeks were. Melted snow made his hair stick out wildly and the beginnings of a beard was knitted white with snowflakes.

“Send it to Hanzo!” Mabel snatched the phone from his hands. He grabbed the edge of hier coat and stopped her from making an escape.

“You know we’re boyfriends now right.” Jesse warmed at just saying the words. “So you can’t go looking in our text chats anymore.”

Mabel studied him with a pout.

The gears in her head were turning so loud Jesse could hear them.

He wasn't surprised when she held the phone away from him and demanded, “Then I want my own phone.”

“Not yet.”

The debate continued as they shook off the excess snow and trekked to the bus stop. It had started to snow again and the wind was rising. Mabel cuddled up to his side, using the angle to turn her puppy dog eyes on him. Jesse did his best not to get trapped by them as he wrapped his arm around her narrow shoulders and opened his phone.

There was a text from Hanzo waiting for him and he tilted the screen away from her. He breathed a sigh of relief to see it was innocent and he did send the self of the two of them and their cowboy snowman.

[Thanks for the winter gear. We’re heading home now. Probably going to watch a movie together.]

Mabel stretched up and over to read his text. Jesse let her with a weary sigh. “Should I invite him over, little miss nosey?”

Soon they were home and dressed in their most comfy pjs and every blanket in the house was dragged to the couch. Mabel was busy arranging pillows and chairs from the kitchen table to make a fort with a good view of the tv.

Jesse hummed to himself as he set a pan of water on the stove for hot cocoa later and wandered into the bathroom. He picked up a pair of boxers and tossed them into the hamper. A few long brown hairs littered the countertop and he brushed them away. He kept the place clean enough that visitors didn’t cause a panic.

The thought made him pause. He would have panicked if anyone else had been coming over, no matter how clean he had made the crappy little apartment. With Hanzo, it was different and Jesse eagerly waited for him to arrive.

“You look well.” Hanzo said when Jesse answered the door a few minutes later.

“So do you,” Jesse shot back before he even looked over the man. Happiness brimmed inside and he pulled Hanzo in for a hug.

Hanzo came willingly into his arms and Jesse squeezed him tight. Notes of citrus danced through his senses and he nuzzled the top of Hanzo’s head. The beanie fell off in the process but Hanzo didn’t seem to care.

Warm hands slid up his back and rested against his shoulder blades as Jesse was wrapped up. “I am glad to see you looking well again.” the words tickled Jesse’s neck and he melted into Hanzo’s solid, strong arms.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Suzie_B for sponsoring this chapter! <3

A smile bloomed across Jesse’s face and he melted into Hanzo’s strong arms. Everything seemed to fade and the sharp edges of the world softened. He could feel Mabel’s eyes on them, curious, learning what a relationship should look like. He was content to squeeze Hanzo back tight before pulling back.

“Are those snacks?” He grinned, noticing the bags in Hanzo’s hand. 

“Snacks?” Mabel scrambled around the couch, bright eyed and bushy tailed.

“Snacks.” Hanzo smugly confirmed and opened the bag to show the goodies.

“You know you don’t have to bribe us with food anymore,” Jesse chuckled, more than amused to find not only chocolates but chips and hot cocoa mix. “I guess I should get the kettle going then?”

“Yes!” Mabel clapped her hands together before taking Hanzo’s. “Come look at my fort. It’s very structurally sound.”

Hanzo raised his brows in question and jesse nodded. “Go ahead you two.” He waved them off and headed to the little kitchen. The apartment felt warmer already, despite the cold air that had chased Hanzo in. 

Jesse hummed as he filled the kettle with milk and set it to heat on the old stove. It hissed and spluttered a bit but the flames eventually licked up the burner. He needed to find time to clean the pipes probably. The chance of getting the landlord in to actually fix it was slim to none.

With a sigh, he thought of Hanzo’s gleaming kitchen. Even the little things, like having an ice maker in the freezer seemed like such a luxury. He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling guilt settle in his stomach. Hanzo already did so much for them. And it wasn’t like he could fix the apartment they lived in.

_ If you asked him to get you a better one, he would, _ the thought wormed into his brain as he dug out mismatched mugs. His had a chip out of the rim and he fingered the rough patch absently. It wasn’t unheard of for a sugar baby to move into their  _ Daddy’s _ apartment even.

He shied away from the idea, not ready to consider just what that thought even meant. He was in too deep if he was thinking of living with someone after just a few dates and months of friendship. 

He wasn’t going to rely on anyone again. Not fully and truly. It wasn’t just him taking the risk of codependency and he turned to watch Mabel. She was grinning. Proudly showing Hanzo how she had used the chairs from the rickety kitchen table as cornerstones and hair clips to hold the blanket in place. There was a bit of magic with the strings tied everywhere to distribute the pull and Hanzo was very seriously discussing the need for proper ventilation - as popcorn was a smelling food that had to be consumed with a good movie. It was only proper planning and if she was going to be a city planner, she had to consider all aspects of a design.

Both of them were rosy cheeked and their eyes sparkled with determination and amusement in equal measure. Jesse’s chest was tight and he blinked away a sudden moisture in his eyes. If Mabel had been his daughter, it would have been an easier decision to love Hanzo.

The kettle’s whistle startled him, the little gurgles quickly turning to a sharp note. “Shit!” He whipped the milk of the burner and onto an unlit one. 

“Do you need help?” hanzo called from half inside the fort. His broad shoulders and head sticking out awkwardly. The static made stray hairs stand up around his head in a dark halo. 

“Nah,” Jesse hurried to get out the cocoa powder and start dumping it into the mugs. He knew Mabel would drink chocolatey sludge if he allowed and he had a sweet tooth himself. “How thick do you like it?”

“Oh, quite thick.”

Jesse looked over his shoulder suspiciously at his boyfriend. Hanzo was all innocent smiles. “Hmm, bet you do.” He snickered at his own tease but was quick to turn back to the counter. He didn’t need to be thinking about things that would only end up breaking his heart.

He threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave and divided up the snacks into small bowls. As much as he would like to eat an entire bag of peanut butter m&ms, it wouldn’t be good to get them all completely hopped up on sugar. The crash would definitely end with them passed out.

“You want a water too, Hanzo?” he cast the question over his shoulder as he set the whole bag of candies onto the tray. He would take his chances with a sugar coma.

 

-

 

Hanzo practically purred as the movie wound towards the third act. Mabel watched the screen with unfailing concentration from her blanket fort. She was a little in front of the couch and enough to the side that Hanzo felt secure in sliding his arm across the back. Brushing his fingertips along Jesse’s shoulders to rest against his neck, he gently pulled him closer.

“Is this okay?” he murmured into his boyfriend’s ear.

“Yeah… this is good. This too.”

Hanzo flushed when Jesse spread the blanket over both their laps and slipped his hand under it. It came to settle on his thigh, where the muscle was thick and firm beneath his jeans. He leaned a little closer to his boyfriend and rested his head against his shoulder. 

“I could almost fall asleep,” Jesse murmured, and looked up from under his lashes with a teasing smile on his lips. 

“You are welcome too,” Hanzo stroked his fingers up into Jesse’s hair. He coiled the shaggy strands around his fingers before scratching his nails lightly along his scalp. “You have worked hard this week.”

“Don’t remind me,” Jesse sighed and slumped heavily into Hanzo. 

He laughed as he steadied himself on the arm of the couch. “Still working demo this week?” He eased his boyfriend to lean into him, guiding his head down to rest on his chest. The freckles on Jesse’s cheeks had faded from the overcast fall days but each one still begged to be kissed.

“Yeah, demo out on Highway i-35, right on the edge of the lane.” Jesse’s eyes fluttered and closed, long lashes dark against his skin. “Makes me nervous. Just take one driver not paying attention and i’d be splattered on the gravel.”

The hair stood up on the back of his neck and he fought down a sudden shiver. It would be all too easy to get hurt - even quite common for construction workers to be maimed on the job. “Have you considered working elsewhere?” He asked quietly, keeping his voice casual.

“Yeah, there’s a few places but none pay as good.” Jesse shrugged, not opening his eyes.

“I see.” Hanzo ran his fingertips over the shell of Jesse’s ear and then down to knead at the tight muscles in his neck. “I know someone that is hiring mechanics - with hardlight experience specifically.”

“Ain’t gonna take someone without a license but thanks for thinking of me,” Jesse turned his face up with the words.

The dim light of the tv carved deep shadows under his eyes and hollowed out his cheeks. The luster was gone from his eyes in that moment. “I ain’t good for much more than hard labor. Least it pays decent and the hours ain’t so bad in the off-season.”

Hanzo weighed his next words carefully before speaking. “There is a mechanics shop, where I take my vintage cars for service and the owner is an old friend. He needs an apprentice, someone that he can take under his wing and train who is hardworking and honest. The pay is excellent and the hours are regular. The position even includes paid time to take classes at Overwatch Technical Academy.”

Jesse was listening, his face half hidden against Hanzo’s chest. Expression unreadable, Hanzo cautiously continued as if offering an apple to a woodland beast. “There is paid time off, health benefits, and they work with those with… less than clean backgrounds. The head shop mechanic used to run one of the fiercest gangs in Australia. His boyfriend-” Jesse perked up at that, eyes wide. “- is always around the shop with a new gadget or tricky little engineered toy to show off.”

“But, such a good gig, it’s gonna go to the best of the best… not someone like me that learned patching up an old van and jerryjiggin’ hardlight kits.” Jesse sagged against him, but there wasn’t a no in his insecurity.

Hanzo took a deep breath as a cartoon bunny fought aliens in the background. “I know the owner and he owes me a favor. If i ask him to interview you, he will and I think you would be surprised with how much you have to offer.”

Jesse looked away too quickly.

Hanzo held his breath. The wound yawning open in front of him and he ached to grab the tatters and hold them together. He squeezed Jesse’s shoulder, letting him simply breath through the anxiety.

“You are capable of more than just hard labor.” Hanzo continued to gently massage his boyfriend’s shoulder until he relaxed. There was no answer as the movie reached it’s loud and flashy conclusion and the next one was quickly loaded.

Snow continued to fall outside the apartment and the wind pushed stray flakes under the door. The cold came with it and the blanket fort was deconstructed. Mabel quickly turned it into a blanket burrito instead, laying down with her back to the couch. It wasn’t long before she was asleep, blanket pulled over her head to block out the world.

Jesse refused to meet his eyes, looking at his worn hands, the movie neither of them was following, the threadbare carpet. Hanzo waited. He didn’t stop Jesse when he pulled away. A frantic rabbit beat at his chest as he watched Jesse gather Mabel in his arms. She stirred, mumbled and turned to rest her head on his neck. She was asleep before Jesse reached the end of the hall and Hanzo felt the distance.

Jesse disappeared into the lone bedroom without looking back. 

Hanzo stared into his empty mug for a moment that turned into two. He rose and collected the mess of cups, candy wrappers and crumbs and took them to the kitchen. He washed the sticky chocolate residue out of the mugs and set them to dry next to the sink.

The wind howled outside.

He put his head in his hand and his shoulder slumped forward. 

“Hey…”

He looked up quickly to find Jesse standing between himself and the couch. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, hands shoved in his pockets. 

“Hey.” Hanzo set the rag he’d been holding on the counter. 

Jesse’s head was down and tilted to the side. He started to say something and faltered with a shake of his head. Hanzo took a shaky breath and pushed aside the panic bubbling in his throat.

“I’m listening.” Hanzo wiped his hands dry on his sweater and took a hesitant step towards his boyfriend. “I won’t judge you, whatever you say.”

“I ain’t worried about that.” Jesse laughed, a short, cut off sound. “Just… don’t get mad at me.”

“I will not,” Hanzo stopped moving and lowered his gaze. He ached to say something to break the tension and give them both a away out of the situation. It was not the right thing for Jesse and he pushed the urge away.

Jesse set his stance, feet wide and his chin lifted defiantly. A rushing noise filled Hanzo’s ears but he lifted his own head. Jesse’s eyes were ready to meet his and they burned.

“I ain’t gonna do it if it’s just charity. I know we’ve been taking your charity and I’m grateful for that but I ain’t ever gonna be the type of man that never earns anything for himself. I ain’t a sugar baby that needs to be hand held through life and given everything he wants cuz he can’t take care of himself. I don’t want that for me and Mabel. I don’t want to always-” Jesse’s words stumbled and he had to straighten himself. “-I want to be your equal. I want t’make my own way.”

Hanzo flinched. He had expected this conversation to take place at some point but not so soon. Of course Jesse would see how Hanzo wanted to help him into the right path as if he truly knew what the man needed.

“I do not…” Hanzo shoved his hands into his pockets. “I do not see you as lesser.”

A moment of silence pulled between them, thick and sticky as honey. 

“But… but as long as you know, and as long as the mechanic knows that i’m doing this by my own merit, not cause he just owes you a favor - I wanna try for the apprenticeship.” Jesse’s voice trembled at the end and when Hanzo looked up, there were tears of near panic behind the stormy expression on his face.

“You won’t lose me.” The words leapt from his throat straight to the air and he tried to bite them back. They were too raw. Too strong for the new thing between them. But they were true. He was already in too deep.

“Yeah?” Jesse took a hesitant step forward, hand just barely lifting, palm out.

Hanzo clasped it tightly and closed the distance between them. His heart was too full and it ached with unsaid things. He could only press his forehead to Jesse’s neck, wishing he was tall enough to kiss the unshed tears away.

“Sorry I freaked out a little.” Jesse chuckled, the sound fragile but the hands on Hanzo’s back were steady. “I just… i know things aren’t normal between us. Not like other people. But i got scared that this might be serious and  i can’t have it built on a shaky foundation. I don’t want t’wake up one day and feel like i owe my whole life to you. That i ain’t anything without you.”

The kitchen was cold.

A whistling wind snuck in under the door and through old windows. Snow pelted the thin glass and a little drift was half formed. It wouldn’t stop coming down for hours.

“I’m proud of you.” Hanzo whispered, voice low and rasping around unshed tears.

“Really?” Jesse’s strong arms squeezed and Hanzo let himself be lifted off his feet a few inches. “I wanna make you proud. I wanna be someone you can be proud of.”

“You already are.” Hanzo wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, strengthening the hold. Jesse’s cheek was damp with tears, pressed into his and he turned to kiss them away. “I’m so proud of you Jesse McCree.”

They swayed together in the chilly kitchen and Hanzo closed his eyes. He would give anything for this to be his future, right here with Jesse holding him close with their hearts pressed together. Raw and vulnerable and open, it was terrifying and life giving and he couldn’t stop himself from pressing another kiss to Jesse’s jaw.

“Snow’s really piling up outside.” Jesse’s murmur sent shivers down Hanzo’s spine. “You want to … stay the night? Be safer that way and… i don’t want t’say goodbye just yet.”

“Neither do I.” Hanzo reluctantly pulled himself away from Jesse and looked to the window. The parking lot was already coated in white. “It would be best to play it safe as you say. I will fit on the couch easily enough.”

He offered the suggestion, even as a little tendril of hope stirred in his chest. Nothing could happen between them, not after the emotional upheaval and new light they both saw their relationship in, and certainly not with Mabel just down the hall in the only bedroom. 

“I mean…” Jesse rubbed the back of his neck, cheeks turning the most beautiful shade of pink. “The air mattress would be a bit more comfortable than that and it ain’t like we never cuddled before. Might even be nice, with the chill creeping in and all and I only got really one good blanket.”

Hanzo fought down the grin trying to overcome his face as he stepped in close. Jesse’s chest brushed his as he took in a quick breath and honey eyes widened. Hanzo could only slide his arms around Jesse’s waist to hold him. “I accept your invitation to preserve warmth on the air mattress.”

“Good.” Jesse laughed, low and thick like molasses. “Cuz I hate being cold and I ain’t been able to stop thinking of that time i was sick and got in bed with ya and then wakin’ up next t’ya. Thought I’d’ died and gone t’heaven t’have an angel like you in my arms.”

Heat rose to Hanzo’s cheeks at the memory. “I suppose I will have to borrow a pair of sweats to sleep in. And socks, my feet turn to ice at night when it’s chilly.”

“I can scrounge up something that will probably fit you.” Jesse’s eager grin was infectious and they turned to action to move past unsaid things.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to Suzie_Bee for this chapter <3 Love you~!

Jesse’s hands shook as he rummaged through the hall closet for a pair of sweats for his boyfriend to wear overnight. Nerves and excitement twisted in his stomach and he had to force his breathing to slow. This was really happening. He had told Hanzo exactly where he stood and how he wanted to continue their relationship. 

 

Tears bubbled up and threatened to overflow. Relief, excitement, hope, all competing to make it to the front of his mind. He grabbed a fleece pair of pajama pants from the local goodwill and double checked the drawstring wasn’t completely knotted. Hanzo was thicker than him in the hips and he didn’t think he could bare to see Hanzo straining out of his pants. Not when he was hopefully going to get to snuggle up with him.

 

“You wanna cup of cocoa or somethin’?” Jesse called over his shoulder before grabbing two pairs of thick, chunky socks.

 

“I am fine where I am.”

 

Jesse jumped at the voice murmured right into his ear a second before arms wrapped around his waist. He squirmed and wriggled when Hanzo dropped whiskery kisses against the back of his neck. 

 

“That tickles,” he huffed, smacking over his shoulder blindly at the man with one of the pairs of socks. 

 

“My deepest apologies,” Hanzo’s laugh made something dangerous and liquid curl up inside him. Nestled between his heart and his groin, it ate the anxiety by the gulp as he was turned deftly in his boyfriends arms to face him. “I will make it up to you sometime.”

 

Jesse swallowed dryly, eyes falling to the lips he had yet to taste for himself. It was too early and yet somehow too late at the same time to explore what the smile offered. It overtook Hanzo’s face, all brilliant white teeth and dancing sparkle in his eyes.  He leaned in, pressing his forehead to Hanzo’s and their noses bumped together. 

 

“Sorry,” He chuckled as he tilted his head a little to slot his nose alongside Hanzo’s.

 

“You have horrible taste in pjs,” Hanzo laughed the words and Jesse could feel them on his lips. The breathlessness in his voice echoed in Jesse’s own chest. “Horseshoe print? Really. Just terrible.”

 

“‘S that or my old long johns and those really ain’t your style, Mr Put-Together all the time.” Jesse teased back, not wanting to break the little bubble surrounding them.

 

“I will take the horseshoe pattern and both pairs of socks.” Hanzo’s arms tightened around him and Jesse forgot to breath as their hips rested flush. 

 

“Both pairs?” Jesse closed his eyes, shivering but not from the cold. Hanzo’s hair was liquid silk in his fingers and he twisted the strands. It was something to do with his hands other than grab Hanzo’s face and press a kiss to his lips. It would be clumsy and awkward. He didn’t want their first time to be ruined by his lack of experience with kissing.   
  


The other things, the darker things, those he knew how to take and get over with quickly. The memories threatened to rush in and fill the golden bubble. Jesse pushed against them, fighting to keep himself in the present. This wasn’t a transaction of flesh and cash. He could do this.

 

He wanted this.

 

Velvet soft, Hanzo’s fingers played down his spine. Tender, slow, feeling each knob and bump to the line of his pants and back with the same measured tone. 

 

Jesse couldn’t bare to open his eyes, not sure when he shut them, and could only breath into the space between them. “Sorry,” he whispered, lips brushing against the smooth skin of Hanzo’s cheek. “Not used t’this.”

 

“I know.” Hanzo’s smile was small against Jesse’s skin and he shivered, aching to turn his head and find that heavenly soft place. How easy it would be to just tilt his head, just to jump and take the risks along with the thrill. 

 

The cliff stretched below his feet and he rocked on the edge. A toe over, then another and he fought to keep his heart from bursting out of his chest. It would be easy, so easy to jump and let Hanzo catch him safely at the bottom. 

 

A shuddering breath and another and he slowly pried open his eyes. The lashes were wet with unshed tears and he blinked them away to bring Hanzo into focus before him. He wanted to speak but his mouth wouldn’t move. 

 

Hanzo’s mouth softened at the corners, pulling into a tender, understanding smile.

“Should we watch a movie while we drift off? The third installment of that zombie flick seemed interesting?” Hanzo offered him a way out.

 

Jesse balked at the edge, all the air rushing out in a heavy sigh. It had been foolish, to think he could kiss Hanzo like that, with no build up, no romantic dinner or dancing. It would have to be perfect, for them to finally tip over that edge together.

 

“Yeah, sounds good.” Jesse swallowed, getting his dry mouth to work finally. “I’ll get the bed set up. You wanna use the bathroom first? Got a spare toothbrush in there somewhere, second drawer I think? Course you don’t gotta hurry or nothing or go first if you don’t want to. I was just thinking that it’d be easier and then we can get some shut eye you know.”

 

The arms around his waist slowly fell away, the last flickers of flame going with them. Those fingertips had only barely brushed his hips and he was ready to burn up.

 

*Please don’t let me go...* 

 

“Thank you for your hospitality. I will put these on as well.” Hanzo smiled up at him, a carefully balanced warmth in his gaze. “Thank you for letting me borrow them.”

 

Jesse had to look away with a strangled noise caught in his throat when Hanzo crouched down at his feet. All strong lines and controlled power right before him, begging him to think of Hanzo sliding his hands along Jesse’s thighs. He fumbled the thoughts, rushing to try to help pick up the sweats and socks he had dropped like a fool the second Hanzo had whispered in his ear. 

 

“Sorry, rude of me.” he was too late to get the socks even but Hanzo’s chuckle soothed the white hot embarrassment rushing down to his stomach. 

 

“I take it as a compliment.”

 

Jesse forgot how to breath as Hanzo winked at him and gathered the clothes to his chest. He stood fluidly, like he hadn’t realized that he had just short circuited Jesse’s brain. He watched mutely as Hanzo padded down the hall and disappeared into the tiny bathroom.

 

Heart loud in his chest, he slowly got to his feet. They itched to follow Hanzo, slip into the bathroom and lock the door. It would be easy to get on his knees for the man. Easier than kissing him and the thought shocked him back to reality.

 

It was too soon to be fantasizing about falling into pleasure with Hanzo. Not when it was a minefield that could destroy what they had. He shook his head and dragged his hands down his face. He couldn’t risk it, no matter what his body was telling him. 

 

The ache remained, yawning wide in his chest as he drug the air mattress from it’s spot leaning against the wall to the center of the small room. The vent for the lackluster heater would blow on them better here and the white noise always helped him relax. A few minutes of quiet and Jesse’s mind was calmer. 

 

They had just had their first fight - even if it hadn’t actually been a fight. Disagreement? He couldn’t find the word for it as he put a clean sheet over the mattress. The other he bunched up and tossed in the corner for later. This set was at least mostly stain free and there weren't any holes in it yet. He was sure that would change over time as the ancient laundry machines in the communal laundry room downstairs snagged and tore them.

 

Smoothing the edge of the flat sheet over the bed, he considered sleeping on the couch after all. Would it be too much of a temptation for him to lay with Hanzo in his arms? Or would Hanzo want to be the big spoon and he’d have to wake up with a hardon against his ass. 

 

A shudder rushed through him, complicated by the twisting of heat in his groin and the knot in his stomach. He was a mess. The thought made him laugh and some of the tension melted. He could ask to be the big spoon and Hanzo would accommodate him without even asking for an explanation. 

 

He relaxed as he spread out the only blanket Mabel hadn’t taken to make her fort and then cocoon. It was ragged at the edges and faded but he could never part with it. The sunflowers seemed to radiate happiness and strength and he brushed his fingers along the petals of the one in the middle. Soft and warm, it would protect them both from the chill that worked in around windows and the door. The snowstorm showed no signs of slowing down outside when he checked the windows. He could only hope that the power stayed on. Otherwise they might all end up in a big pile for warmth. 

 

He settled next to the bed and stretched out his legs to wait for Hanzo to finish in the bathroom. He needed to brush his teeth and add a fresh coat of deodorant. It probably wouldn’t hurt to put his hair back in a low ponytail either to avoid waking up with a face full of it.

 

While he waited, he flicked through Netflix till he found the movie Hanzo had mentioned. The other two had already been consumed but the third one looked to be completely off the rails. “Zombie alligators terrorize the small Floridian town of…” he trailed off into a chuckle and shake of his head. Hanzo did have the best taste in horror movies, at least when you didn’t want to actually be scared.

 

It promised to be campy and easy to follow. It would be a perfect thing to watch until they both drifted off and not likely to stir up anything that might end up being a mistake.   
  


The soft pattering of feet down the hall warned him that Hanzo was returning. He quickly ran a hand through his hair and pushed down on the part of him that ached that something would happen between them.

 

Hanzo returned in the borrowed pajamas and both pairs of socks as promised. “How do I look?” he asked in a hush and put both hands on his hips.

 

“Like a handsome disaster,” Jesse teased as he rose and slipped past him. He couldn’t risk staring at his boyfriend in a size too sweats with his hair down around his shoulders like an angel. 

Jesse sighed in relief to reach the bathroom and quickly grabbed his toothbrush. He scrubbed away the taste of hot chocolate and candy but he couldn’t get rid of the longing to feel Hanzo licking into his mouth. 

It would be sweet and tender and break his heart and put it back together again. 

 

The thought kept him warm even as he changed into his pajamas in the cold room. He rushed to put his socks on and smoothed his loose shirt over his stomach. He watched the shadows ripple along his abs as he stroked the soft material. He had put on muscle in the last months but his sweats rode low on his hips. 

 

The drawstring had been lost somewhere along the way. He just shrugged and decided to take his chances with the low riding pants. He tied his shaggy hair back at the nape of his neck before shuffling out of the bathroom. He paused to close Mabel’s door before heading to the front door. The locks were heavy, one old, one new and he turned both of them while he peeked out the window.

 

The apartment temperature was dropping quickly as night got underway outside and the storm layered piles of snow over the city. The parking lot was all white and the walkway outside the door was slick with melted snow turned ice.

 

“Good thing you’re staying. It’s looking real nasty now.” He flipped and relocked the doors one more time before stepping away from the door and the chill that seeped in all around it.

 

“Thank you for your hospitality.” Hanzo’s voice was strangely formal and yet there was a smile tucked in there somewhere.

 

Jesse tried to find it as he turned and padded into the living room. The coffee table was pushed out of the way and the mattress was set up right in front of the tv. Hanzo sat cross legged beside it, rubbing his hands together against the cold. 

 

“Go ahead, you can get in.” Jesse grinned as he got on his knees beside him. His fears all seemed so silly now with Hanzo smiling at him. “Bounces around something fierce, we gotta take turns getting in. Or I’d bounce you right out!” He shuffled a little closer, not sure why his heart was pounding again.

 

Hanzo tilted his head, bangs falling elegantly across his cheekbones in a move Jesse had realized meant Hanzo was trying to be coy. Big brown eyes looked up at him from under his lashes as if he didn’t know exactly what he was doing and how well the attack was crafted. Jesse gulped as Hanzo pushed out his lips in a little pout. It barely stayed in place as he asked with a hint of laughter creeping in, “Don’t you want to be the big spoon?”

  
  
  


“M-me?” Jesse grinned at the thought, hands a little shaky as he smoothed the quilt. He absolutely knew Hanzo was playing up the situation for his benefit. He couldn’t say he didn’t appreciate it a little even if it made him snort with a laugh.  “I guess… I had thought about it. I ain’t used t’being any spoon, ‘sides Mabel when we were living on the road for warmth.”

 

“I find that I prefer to be the smaller one when possible.” Hanzo chuckled, not seeming to notice how Jesse’s heart was racing. “It will make watching the movie easier as well, as I am rather shorter than you.”

 

“That’s true…” Jesse found himself grinning wider and the knot in his stomach unraveled. He felt light enough to fly away as he shyly ducked his head. “And then I can hold ya real nice.”

 

“Indeed. All night long.” Hanzo reached over and Jesse didn’t flinch away. The long fingers in his hair made him laugh as the chestnut waves were thoroughly ruffled. “But let’s get under the covers before I freeze.”

 

“Delicate.” Jesse accused, just to see the indignant look Hanzo shot him. “Little frozen Hanzo with his long rabbit feet. I should call you Bunzo from now on.”

 

Hanzo drew up, nose lifting into the air and a pinchedness to his mouth. It burst into a guffawing laugh he covered with his hands to quiet. “Bunzo, do not speak of this-” he plunged his head back into his hands. “-to anyone!”

 

Jesse snickered and rocked back to rest his shoulders against the couch. It scooted a little back and he grabbed onto the frame with one hand, resting his arm along the frame. “You got little bunny feet even, it fits.” He used his free hand to reach out and squeeze the delicate appendage closest to him. Even through two pairs of socks, he could practically feel the cold.

 

“I cannot help it if my hands and feet are cold.” Hanzo puffed up, chest expanding and shoulders back. “But you can help me out. Won’t you, since you are the strong, never cold McCree.”

 

“What do you mean-” Jesse yelped as Hanzo thrust ice cold hands against his chest. “That’s not fair!” he squirmed, suddenly pinned in on all sides by a hunk of muscle and power. He leaned up into it, pressing his face against Hanzo’s neck. It was like gulping down electric air and his blood tingled and flamed as he pressed his lips to it. He felt the gasp, the shudder of need that moved through Hanzo as his lips parted against the flesh.

 

“You’re cold all over, Hanzo.” He whispered, close enough to make each word burn against his skin. His hand shook as they rested on Hanzo’s hips. He could feel the cut of his hip bones through the shirt and he stroked his thumbs under the hem and up to rest on against the delicate skin. 

 

“Your hands are warm,” Hanzo’s words matched the slow caress of his hands up Jesse’s chest. Smooth and gentle, asking permission. Jesse matched the touch, shyly sliding his hands under the shirt. He brushed his palms up Hanzo’s sides, drowning in the cool, firm planes of muscle. 

 

“Is this… okay?” he whispered, struggling to breath as he trailed his fingertips over the tempting lines to follow the dip of his abs. They were sculpted from marble beneath his skin, smooth and cool and hard as they fluttered. 

 

“Yes.” Hanzo dripped the words into his ear, molten and sweet. The brush of his lips made Jesse’s hips jump and he cursed into clenched teeth. He couldn’t stop himself, he couldn’t deny the ache, and he tugged Hanzo close.

 

Chest to chest, he panted into his boyfriend’s ear and whined sharply as Hanzo settled into his ass onto the tops of Jesse’s thighs. Not quite in his lap, nowhere near close enough. He tightened his grip on Hanzo’s waist and pulled him the last few torturous inches.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Please feed me comments, i need them to live
> 
> follow me on tumblr for more art and fics at tumblr.com/blog/batkatbrown


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